Can't sleep tonight
I can't sleep tonight, mostly on account of that there's death in my house. It's small but my older cat is dying and I can't sleep. I was sorta drifting off and then I could here her yowling from downstairs, she does it sporadically. I can't tell if she's scared or confused or just in pain or if it's her death yell or whatever. Either way it's unsettling and I can't sleep. It's her time to go I just wish I wouldn't come so slowly, if there's several nights of this I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm the only one in my family who's a light sleeper, I'd rather not sleep then wake up to her yowling or whatever. I also don't want to go in the living room and be with her because I don't want to be there when she dies, I wont know what to do. I don't like death at all, and even on a small scale, cause I'm sure it effects us all the same, it freaks me out. There's no coming back from it and I don't want to be close to it. I've been fortunate enough to not really feel a big loss yet, I still have three of my grandparents left and the one I did lose I was too young to really feel. So it's kinda silly that a cat dying it flipping me out but at the same time I understand why. I just wish it wouldn't take so long, but I don't want her to die and I would never kill her. It's bad all over the place.
I've gotten into one of my mental ruts, where for a few days on end I just am so blahed out by everything around me. I usually have a horrible level of it to begin with, but it's been overwhelming the past two days, I don't really want to do anything or see anyone, everything just seems old and boring. Usually I'd go up north, change my scenery or something, but now with two jobs I can't do that because I have something to do everyday. I'm just in a rut, and I just sit in the rut cause I don't know where I want to go after I get out of it... or I don't even know how to get out of it, or I don't want to get out of it cause all I see are other ruts. I do go up to my dad's in two weeks though, that'll be good.
It's a bad night, this is a bad night. I can't wait for my mom to wake up and the sun to come up. I'll get a shower and try to make tomorrow a little better. Maybe the cat will be dead and I can put that behind me. Waiting for something to die is a horrible feeling.
I bought a small olive tree today. Earlier in the month I dug up and potted my lavender so it wont die this winter. Both are Mediterranean plants. They need full sun and heat, I live in the woods and it's about to be fall and then winter. I want to keep them alive and I want them to thrive. I think I always want a bit of southern France around me. It's be so cool to be able to harvest my own olives and lavender. Both plants are really young though, it's a long way off before they're big enough to give anything really. I just need to get them light, that's the biggest challenge.
I'm gonna be a vampire for Halloween. It's kinda easy, but I'm still gonna do a really good job. No problem with going back to the classics. I've been watching the show True Blood. I didn't want to like it, but I do. It's very ridiculous but it's guilty pleasure enjoyable and is as good as any of the other crap drama TV I watch religiously. Besides it has Vampires, you can't complain about that.
I'm gonna go this has gotten long.
I've gotten into one of my mental ruts, where for a few days on end I just am so blahed out by everything around me. I usually have a horrible level of it to begin with, but it's been overwhelming the past two days, I don't really want to do anything or see anyone, everything just seems old and boring. Usually I'd go up north, change my scenery or something, but now with two jobs I can't do that because I have something to do everyday. I'm just in a rut, and I just sit in the rut cause I don't know where I want to go after I get out of it... or I don't even know how to get out of it, or I don't want to get out of it cause all I see are other ruts. I do go up to my dad's in two weeks though, that'll be good.
It's a bad night, this is a bad night. I can't wait for my mom to wake up and the sun to come up. I'll get a shower and try to make tomorrow a little better. Maybe the cat will be dead and I can put that behind me. Waiting for something to die is a horrible feeling.
I bought a small olive tree today. Earlier in the month I dug up and potted my lavender so it wont die this winter. Both are Mediterranean plants. They need full sun and heat, I live in the woods and it's about to be fall and then winter. I want to keep them alive and I want them to thrive. I think I always want a bit of southern France around me. It's be so cool to be able to harvest my own olives and lavender. Both plants are really young though, it's a long way off before they're big enough to give anything really. I just need to get them light, that's the biggest challenge.
I'm gonna be a vampire for Halloween. It's kinda easy, but I'm still gonna do a really good job. No problem with going back to the classics. I've been watching the show True Blood. I didn't want to like it, but I do. It's very ridiculous but it's guilty pleasure enjoyable and is as good as any of the other crap drama TV I watch religiously. Besides it has Vampires, you can't complain about that.
I'm gonna go this has gotten long.