It ain't me babe it ain't me your looking for babe
I was just sitting on my ass in the living room watching some bad home purchasing based television and on comes a commercial for some lame online dating service. You know the ones with the puke-me cutsy couple happy “success” story. One of them actually said that honesty was really the key. Well fuck me! So that is why I am single. I need a honest personal ad on a overpriced dating site. Well I’m too cheap for the site, but I’ll write the ad anyway. So here goes my uber successful honest personal ad. I’m sure it will have people lining up at my door
It ain’t me babe
Well let’s see, about myself… I’m 23 swf not hot, not thin, but I still have self-respect. Which sucks for you because I don’t make good arm candy. But at the same time you can’t treat me like shit and expect me to support you because I can’t get anyone else.
To top this off I don’t dress like hooker Barbie. I would rather stick with my old jeans and Megadeth t-shirts. I like those t-shirts more than I like most people. Besides If I wear black leather stilettos every day what am I supposed to do on your birthday to top it. I also only dress up when I go out with my female friends, which is rare. This leads me to the next point.
I have a job. But for the most part am broke. This means I will not be giving you a red cent or going out on a regular basis. My job isn’t great but I still go to it. Which means it’s more important than you.
Matter of fact you will rate very low in terms of importance in my life. Coming after my job; my education, and all it's aspects; my mom; my sisters and their offspring; my best friend; my other best friend, his wife and there 2.5 children; the friends I have coffee with on Friday night; the cousins who I play video games and consume motherfucking mess o’nachos with' willy’s time, by which I mean reading and sleeping; oh yes and my dog.
I’m rude, loud and not in the slightest polite to people I don’t like unless being paid to do so. I probably won’t be very nice to your friends. But at the same time will expect you to be nice to mine. You will also be required to like them. They are good people, only a shmuck wouldn’t. Oh and I still live in my mothers house. I don’t smoke and if you do I will annoy you every time you do it in my presence.
On the plus side I am fairly intelligent which means I can carry on a conversation but at the same time won’t make you look bad. I have a college education. Don’t get too excited it is not one that would make me any money. While I may be broke, I have a rather large amount of pride and don’t want your money. As I said I’m not hot so you don’t have to worry about me sleeping with your friends. I probably won’t like them any way. I can be funny, if you don’t mind being the butt of the joke. I am not clingy and could really care less what you do while not with me. Tell the chicks at the landing strip hi for me. I don’t want to marry you, nor have your babies. If you don’t call for a couple days I won’t kill you dog. Matter of fact I like dogs. Well enough about my stunning personality.
You should be educated or at least not an idiot. Employed: no butts. Raging dorkiness is a must, I refuse to be the only lame one in a relationship; besides how can you laugh at my star wars jokes if you havn't seen it. Have no kids because I am not dealing with your psycho ex. I just don’t have that kind of patience. This means no wives (current) either. I’d rather you weren’t a serial killer, or spent large periods of time in prison. While the tattoos are a plus and who doesn’t love a “that time I got shanked story” I just really don’t want a three way relationship between you me and you p.o. Besides if you pawn my shit while I’m not home I will be forced to hurt you. Then we are both in prison. A little too Jerry Springer for my liking. I have no tolerance for drug use. I don’t do it and therefore by my logic you can’t either. You need transportation, your not Miss Daisy and If I were Morgan Freeman I would be violating myself right now. I love motorcycles though I don’t have one. So if you don’t have one be prepared to have me drooling on bikers in public. Oh and a creepy man crush on Eddie Vedder or Gary Oldman would be a plus. Then we can both be thinking about the same person during sex. As far as looks I am weirded out by anorexic men. Seriously a girl with a 25 inch waist is creepy enough. Also I am considered freakishly tall for a girl, though this is unfair as that I am only 5’7ish. So if your not this tall you must be okay with weird looks and jokes from people. I could care less but men under 5’6” tend to care.
It ain’t me babe
Well let’s see, about myself… I’m 23 swf not hot, not thin, but I still have self-respect. Which sucks for you because I don’t make good arm candy. But at the same time you can’t treat me like shit and expect me to support you because I can’t get anyone else.
To top this off I don’t dress like hooker Barbie. I would rather stick with my old jeans and Megadeth t-shirts. I like those t-shirts more than I like most people. Besides If I wear black leather stilettos every day what am I supposed to do on your birthday to top it. I also only dress up when I go out with my female friends, which is rare. This leads me to the next point.
I have a job. But for the most part am broke. This means I will not be giving you a red cent or going out on a regular basis. My job isn’t great but I still go to it. Which means it’s more important than you.
Matter of fact you will rate very low in terms of importance in my life. Coming after my job; my education, and all it's aspects; my mom; my sisters and their offspring; my best friend; my other best friend, his wife and there 2.5 children; the friends I have coffee with on Friday night; the cousins who I play video games and consume motherfucking mess o’nachos with' willy’s time, by which I mean reading and sleeping; oh yes and my dog.
I’m rude, loud and not in the slightest polite to people I don’t like unless being paid to do so. I probably won’t be very nice to your friends. But at the same time will expect you to be nice to mine. You will also be required to like them. They are good people, only a shmuck wouldn’t. Oh and I still live in my mothers house. I don’t smoke and if you do I will annoy you every time you do it in my presence.
On the plus side I am fairly intelligent which means I can carry on a conversation but at the same time won’t make you look bad. I have a college education. Don’t get too excited it is not one that would make me any money. While I may be broke, I have a rather large amount of pride and don’t want your money. As I said I’m not hot so you don’t have to worry about me sleeping with your friends. I probably won’t like them any way. I can be funny, if you don’t mind being the butt of the joke. I am not clingy and could really care less what you do while not with me. Tell the chicks at the landing strip hi for me. I don’t want to marry you, nor have your babies. If you don’t call for a couple days I won’t kill you dog. Matter of fact I like dogs. Well enough about my stunning personality.
You should be educated or at least not an idiot. Employed: no butts. Raging dorkiness is a must, I refuse to be the only lame one in a relationship; besides how can you laugh at my star wars jokes if you havn't seen it. Have no kids because I am not dealing with your psycho ex. I just don’t have that kind of patience. This means no wives (current) either. I’d rather you weren’t a serial killer, or spent large periods of time in prison. While the tattoos are a plus and who doesn’t love a “that time I got shanked story” I just really don’t want a three way relationship between you me and you p.o. Besides if you pawn my shit while I’m not home I will be forced to hurt you. Then we are both in prison. A little too Jerry Springer for my liking. I have no tolerance for drug use. I don’t do it and therefore by my logic you can’t either. You need transportation, your not Miss Daisy and If I were Morgan Freeman I would be violating myself right now. I love motorcycles though I don’t have one. So if you don’t have one be prepared to have me drooling on bikers in public. Oh and a creepy man crush on Eddie Vedder or Gary Oldman would be a plus. Then we can both be thinking about the same person during sex. As far as looks I am weirded out by anorexic men. Seriously a girl with a 25 inch waist is creepy enough. Also I am considered freakishly tall for a girl, though this is unfair as that I am only 5’7ish. So if your not this tall you must be okay with weird looks and jokes from people. I could care less but men under 5’6” tend to care.