(no subject)
I keep thinking things will get better, but they really won't. But, look where I am. I'm stuck in a homeless shelter in Vermont, about to get kicked out for the day. Nothing is open, there's nowhere to go, I'm just going to wander the streets for six hours in the frigid cold. Christmas, my ass. I am alone. I have NOTHING. No money, no hope, no nothing. I want a drink so bad it hurts. But even if the liquor stores were open, I don't have any money anyways. This shitty conundrum I'm stuck in does nothing to improve my mood or my outlook on life. I wish school would let me come back, but I know deep inside that I'm fucked and I'll never be allowed back. I've fucked up the only thing that matters to me and there's absolutely nothing I can do to make it better. So, I'll be stuck here, living in this homeless shelter where I will stay sick, the bed bugs will continue to eat me alive, and I will have nothing to hold on to. No hope, no happiness, no nothing. I don't know what else to do but give up. just be a useless shell of emptiness. That's the only thing I have to look forward to. I'm so sick of trying. I'm so sick of hoping. I'm so sick of working hard to make the best of it, only to realize that I'm only digging myself in deeper. The harder I work to improve my situation, the worse the let-down and the bigger the fall. It's just not worth it any longer. There's no hope for me, there's no escape from this hell.