(no subject)
My Marriage isn`t what I thought it would be... I had a good long discussion with a friend last night, and the bottom line...we both came to, I should get divorced.
We were both drinking last night so the truth probably came out a little easier. This morning, it`s weird, I feel different. Last night I was absolutely sure I should end things. I feel different this morning. I feel like I am not ready to get divorced, but I know I am not happy with my marriage. I don`t think we should have gotten married. When we decided to get married, it wasn`t a proposal, it was more like a business deal. So, once we decided to do that, we...well I started looking at places, etc...we decided that we were going to elope because it`s cheaper, and much less stressful...I was happy with that. Although I should have really thought about things...like him not wanting to do with any of the planning or anything like that...If I asked for his opinion about a location it was like ```Ya it`s nice, as long as you like it`` But I wanted him to like it too. Because it`s not just my day, it`s our day... We fight all the time...we`re just not happy. I know he`s not either, but he won`t talk about it...
We don`t have sex. If we do, it`s usually every 3 weeks if not longer... and when we do have sex...I am sometimes thinking about someone else, or I have been drinking. I am not attracted to him anymore, and he knows this. I`ve gotten to the point where I have to be harsh with him in order for him to process how serious I am about things. We met October 10th 2013, and we got married August 8th 2014....We moved too fast. I got married for the wrong reason, and I think he did too. For me, with all the issues in our relationship, I thought it would fix things, we would be married and he would put more effort into me and our relationship...TOTAL opposite. Since we started dating, he has gained 60lbs...me, i`ve lost weight because I have always been unhappy with my weight, and I dunno, seeing how much of a lazy slob he is, makes me want to do better. Now that were married, things don`t really feel much different, because we were having these issues before marriage..and he knows how I feel, i`ve told him NUMEROUS times, and when I do...he usually changes for the better for about a week at the most, and goes right back to being his old self again. I am not trying to change him, because he was not this person when we first met...at all. He was sweet, romantic, a little more sexual, good attitude towards everything...now... hes angry, rude, short(cold), plays video games 24.7
And to be honest, there has always been someone i`ve been in love with...i`ve known him for a long time...like 10years and I have always compared everyone to him. Though we`ve never dated, we have hung out, etc...we`re friends...and the only reason we haven`t dated is because of my mother...who does not like the age difference...he is going to be 39 in march next year, and I will be 26 in may next year. I have always been attracted to older men, and the connection between this man and I is undeniable. Sexually, emotionally...the way he carries himself... He has a home, vehicles, etc...he takes care of himself, he showers, he cares what he looks like....my husband, does not. Another reason we don`t have sex is because of his hygiene...I pay attention to this stuff because I am a clean freak when it comes to my body, I shower at least once a day....he once went just over a week without showering, he doesn`t brush his teeth regularly...and it really digusts me...i don`t want to touch him knowing all this. Its nasty!
He is 34 years old, and acts like a 5 year old. I am his mother, seriously. I have to tell him when to shower, brush his teeth, repeatedly tell him when to do something...like dishes or anything, even then...by the time he finally decides to get to it...I have already done it... He does not help with anything around the house...I work 5 days a week, and when hes not working he stays at home all day, playing video games and smoking weed....does nothing around the house...and then when i come home and ask what hes done all day...its like ``oh, i did some dishes`` like what about the rest.... you do like a quarter of the dishes, and leave the rest? It does not make sense!!! I have now stopped doing anything romantic...I tried, and he didnt even notice. He walked into the door..and I was in the kitchen finishing a nice dinner i had just made for us...The table was nicely set, candle, wine glasses and he didnt notice...didnt even give me a kiss when he got home and went straight to the computer to play his stupid fucking game!!! UGGGGH!!
but for now, i am done writing....have people coming over...
until next time...
We were both drinking last night so the truth probably came out a little easier. This morning, it`s weird, I feel different. Last night I was absolutely sure I should end things. I feel different this morning. I feel like I am not ready to get divorced, but I know I am not happy with my marriage. I don`t think we should have gotten married. When we decided to get married, it wasn`t a proposal, it was more like a business deal. So, once we decided to do that, we...well I started looking at places, etc...we decided that we were going to elope because it`s cheaper, and much less stressful...I was happy with that. Although I should have really thought about things...like him not wanting to do with any of the planning or anything like that...If I asked for his opinion about a location it was like ```Ya it`s nice, as long as you like it`` But I wanted him to like it too. Because it`s not just my day, it`s our day... We fight all the time...we`re just not happy. I know he`s not either, but he won`t talk about it...
We don`t have sex. If we do, it`s usually every 3 weeks if not longer... and when we do have sex...I am sometimes thinking about someone else, or I have been drinking. I am not attracted to him anymore, and he knows this. I`ve gotten to the point where I have to be harsh with him in order for him to process how serious I am about things. We met October 10th 2013, and we got married August 8th 2014....We moved too fast. I got married for the wrong reason, and I think he did too. For me, with all the issues in our relationship, I thought it would fix things, we would be married and he would put more effort into me and our relationship...TOTAL opposite. Since we started dating, he has gained 60lbs...me, i`ve lost weight because I have always been unhappy with my weight, and I dunno, seeing how much of a lazy slob he is, makes me want to do better. Now that were married, things don`t really feel much different, because we were having these issues before marriage..and he knows how I feel, i`ve told him NUMEROUS times, and when I do...he usually changes for the better for about a week at the most, and goes right back to being his old self again. I am not trying to change him, because he was not this person when we first met...at all. He was sweet, romantic, a little more sexual, good attitude towards everything...now... hes angry, rude, short(cold), plays video games 24.7
And to be honest, there has always been someone i`ve been in love with...i`ve known him for a long time...like 10years and I have always compared everyone to him. Though we`ve never dated, we have hung out, etc...we`re friends...and the only reason we haven`t dated is because of my mother...who does not like the age difference...he is going to be 39 in march next year, and I will be 26 in may next year. I have always been attracted to older men, and the connection between this man and I is undeniable. Sexually, emotionally...the way he carries himself... He has a home, vehicles, etc...he takes care of himself, he showers, he cares what he looks like....my husband, does not. Another reason we don`t have sex is because of his hygiene...I pay attention to this stuff because I am a clean freak when it comes to my body, I shower at least once a day....he once went just over a week without showering, he doesn`t brush his teeth regularly...and it really digusts me...i don`t want to touch him knowing all this. Its nasty!
He is 34 years old, and acts like a 5 year old. I am his mother, seriously. I have to tell him when to shower, brush his teeth, repeatedly tell him when to do something...like dishes or anything, even then...by the time he finally decides to get to it...I have already done it... He does not help with anything around the house...I work 5 days a week, and when hes not working he stays at home all day, playing video games and smoking weed....does nothing around the house...and then when i come home and ask what hes done all day...its like ``oh, i did some dishes`` like what about the rest.... you do like a quarter of the dishes, and leave the rest? It does not make sense!!! I have now stopped doing anything romantic...I tried, and he didnt even notice. He walked into the door..and I was in the kitchen finishing a nice dinner i had just made for us...The table was nicely set, candle, wine glasses and he didnt notice...didnt even give me a kiss when he got home and went straight to the computer to play his stupid fucking game!!! UGGGGH!!
but for now, i am done writing....have people coming over...
until next time...