He punched a Hole in the wall~
It's times like these that I feel disconnected from the world. I'll be leaving for L.A. soon for the filming of my next movie. Something about that place makes me feel like home. Even in the toxic air you breath is comforting there. I am missing it's concrete walls already. the palm trees and the damp smell of the ocean. I'm even missing getting stuck in the traffic for hours on the 405, on my way to Arnold's house.
Last night Darren lost it again. Sometimes I think I want out. Sometimes I pray that this is the end. You see I didn't feel like bathing with (him) him in the large jetted tub, I was tired and wanted to get my e-mails complete so I could fall into bed. It had been a long week for us both. Sleep was all that I found on my mind. Since he had been so blatent, so rude while I was away, I had no cause to think of anything else. His phone mannors are in great need of a revamping. So when I left the bathroom to attend to my friends he lost it. He began by banging on the tub and the walls because i had walked away. When he came upstairs he stood in a towel and I greeted him with a freindly hello. He told me to "fuck off!" What had I done? He then sulked while I refused to look at him. I tried to talk, to calm him down and ask why he had been so rude. He just sat in silence, so I turned my attention back to the computer. This seemed to irk him in a fearsome sort of way. He stomped and ambled his way down the stairs and I heard him hitting the wall. Repeatedly pounding it. I thought in some way he was using his head, or was that just hope. I came down latter to discover that a large HOLE was in the drywall just before our bedroom. This is the second one. I'm running out of calendars to cover it up so people wont ask questions.
But of course I spent the remainder of the evening with him in my arms comforting him. This is how it always is. I'm the first to try to clear things up. Everyone comes to me and dumps there problems in my lap and I'm the comforter. And on the rare occassions I go to them, I get little assistance, maybe because I refuse it. I refuse to feel emotion. I harden my heart. I can't cry.. I wont cry! I am strong! However, if it wasn't for patricia_v I would have lost my mind by now. She keeps me smiling. I want to leave but then he begs, or he gives me fear of him killing himself. I've already pried the gun from his hands enough times to know that he's serious.
Thank you johnny_depp_ for the squashy hug, Lord knows I needed it.
I have nothing more to say, I'm caught at an Impass
Last night Darren lost it again. Sometimes I think I want out. Sometimes I pray that this is the end. You see I didn't feel like bathing with (him) him in the large jetted tub, I was tired and wanted to get my e-mails complete so I could fall into bed. It had been a long week for us both. Sleep was all that I found on my mind. Since he had been so blatent, so rude while I was away, I had no cause to think of anything else. His phone mannors are in great need of a revamping. So when I left the bathroom to attend to my friends he lost it. He began by banging on the tub and the walls because i had walked away. When he came upstairs he stood in a towel and I greeted him with a freindly hello. He told me to "fuck off!" What had I done? He then sulked while I refused to look at him. I tried to talk, to calm him down and ask why he had been so rude. He just sat in silence, so I turned my attention back to the computer. This seemed to irk him in a fearsome sort of way. He stomped and ambled his way down the stairs and I heard him hitting the wall. Repeatedly pounding it. I thought in some way he was using his head, or was that just hope. I came down latter to discover that a large HOLE was in the drywall just before our bedroom. This is the second one. I'm running out of calendars to cover it up so people wont ask questions.
But of course I spent the remainder of the evening with him in my arms comforting him. This is how it always is. I'm the first to try to clear things up. Everyone comes to me and dumps there problems in my lap and I'm the comforter. And on the rare occassions I go to them, I get little assistance, maybe because I refuse it. I refuse to feel emotion. I harden my heart. I can't cry.. I wont cry! I am strong! However, if it wasn't for patricia_v I would have lost my mind by now. She keeps me smiling. I want to leave but then he begs, or he gives me fear of him killing himself. I've already pried the gun from his hands enough times to know that he's serious.
Thank you johnny_depp_ for the squashy hug, Lord knows I needed it.
I have nothing more to say, I'm caught at an Impass