(no subject)
so the man i wanted to marry
has been dating a girl for like 9 years
geez freaking louis
why aren't they married already?
if he's been seeing her since freshman year of high school for crying out loud
finding this out... just today too... has throughly upset
i want my life to be over
because it sucks now
like it's sad
i feel like that's what i was living for... and now that's completely lost
and i just feel really really really empty and hopeless
and christ sakes
everyone's fighting out there in the kitchen
that's so annoying...
everyone is so unhappy
mom
dad
me
everything sucks
a lot
i'm not sure that there is another like him
he seemed so wonderful
but apparently he's not what God has planned for me
and that's upsetting
because he's all i've wanted from someone
i just dont feel anyone else will live up to him
and i think that's unfair to the future guy.. if there is one... because i will compare mr. future to him
i'm so frustrated and a bit depressed
life seems so unfair
it's wrong that i say that
i have so much
i would trade it for him
wow i am so melodramatic
guess what it doesn't matter
it doesn't seem like anything matters
if i can't have him.
maybe i'm just selfish
probably
i just hope she knows how lucky she is
i really really do
i dont know how i'm going to make it through this school year
there isn't much to drive me anymore
ugh i sound so depressed and suicidal
but i'm not.
promise
just like right now
i feel awful hopeless
but i do feel a wee bit better writing this out
::edit::
my mood fits perfectly
that's exactly what i am
crushed.
and that's why it's called a crush... even though i have more than a crush mind you
but yes.
that's how i feel. that's what i am.
my heart feels like it has been ripped out of my chest
put in his back pocket for him to carry around for a while...
and then i fell out...
and got stepped on
again and again