writers_muses: 63.2.D. Neale Donald Walsch quote
I began these drabbles (Sirius/Remus) a while back, but never got to finish them until tonight which is why they're being posted. They're part of a meme, but I decided to turn it into a prompt response as well. The meme is as follows:
1. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.
2. Turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle.
3. Write a ficlet related to each song that plays. You only have the time frame of the song to finish the ficlet; you start when the song starts, and stop when it's over. No lingering afterwards!
4. Do ten of these, then post them.
Prompt: "You do not choose the life you will experience ahead of time. You may select the persons, places and events - the conditions and circumstances, the challenges, the opportunities and options - with which to create experiences. What you create with these is your business." - Neale Donald Walsch
1. The Beatles - Let It Be
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer.
Let it be.
Every time the moon passes, Remus is exhausted beyond what anyone can truly imagine. The exhaustion seeps into his bones, draining him of every bit of energy.
On days directly after the full moon, when his energy is at his lowest, when he's laying in the hospital wing because his body is bandaged after spending a night clawing and biting at himself, he sometimes wonders if it would have been better if he would have died. He should have died, isn't that what the Healers had told his parents? He shouldn't have made it. He shouldn't have survived.
Yet, here he is.
As he stares up at the ceiling, an arm bandaged to his chest so it can heal, he doesn't notice the fact that Sirius has slipped into the hospital wing. He doesn't notice, in fact, until he takes his hand in his and gives it a small squeeze. Remus turns to him then, and Sirius smiles just slightly. There are no words between them, but Remus knows what he wants to say. Whatever comes, he'll be there. Whatever happens, he'll be with him.
Suddenly, he realizes, he doesn't regret surviving too much. He's not alone to endure whatever it is that life has stored for him.
2. Aqualung - If I Fall
Here and now
Seems I'm standing on the edge
Looking down
I can clearly see your face
In the crowd
Makes me feel I'm not alone
If I fall
Will you catch me?
He had never figured that he would ever fall in love.
Werewolves shouldn't fall in love, he had once concluded. Werewolves couldn't have families like everyone else, they couldn't have lives like everyone else. They weren't like anyone else. It hadn't been that hard to decide that falling in love wasn't an option. What would be the point, exactly? Who could ever stand to see their loved one ill every month? Who would ever be able to withstand having to take care of him on morning afters, and nights leading up to them? His parents had a hard enough time adjusting to his new life; who would ever guarantee him that a stranger would agree to do it?
It's those thoughts, and many others, that made it impossible for him to see the fact that he could fall in love.
That he had fallen in love.
He still doesn't admit it. He still doesn't trust himself to toy with the possibility that Sirius could be that person, that he could actually fall in love with someone like him.
But if he did...
No, he quickly tells himself, forcing himself to turn his attention back to the parchment he's writing on. Sirius could never fall in love with him.
...right?
3. Coldplay - 42
Those who are dead are not dead
They're just living my head, oh...
And since I fell for that spell,
I am living there as well.
The fire in the Weasley's home is barely alive, but Remus doesn't care. It really doesn't matter. He's sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the couch as he stares at the fireplace. Memories from when they were younger, when Sirius had been alive, when they had been happy keep replaying in his head and Remus wants them to stop. He needs them to stop.
At the same time, however, he doesn't want them to.
He wants to remember what he had felt like in his arms. He wants to remember what he had tasted like. He wants to remember his scent, and the feel of him, and the way his heart would beat under his ear whenever he'd rest his head on his chest while they were in bed. He wants to remember every detail, no matter how much it hurts. If it hurts, if he remembers, then Sirius will never leave. He doesn't want him to leave. He can't bear for him to truly leave, because memories are all he has of him. They are what keep him alive and beating in his heart. They are everything that he has left.
They are what makes him feel as if he's even there, in the same room with him.
"I love you, Sirius," he murmurs under his breath, his eyes suddenly stinging. "I will always love you."
4. Snow Patrol - Set Fire to the Third Bar
I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms.
It's been a month.
It has been a month since he found out the truth about what had happened the night that Lily and James had been killed. A month since he had lost his job.
A month since he had last seen Sirius.
It's strange, he thinks, how twelve years somehow feel like a smaller amount of time than this past month. All he thinks about is Sirius, and where he is. Part of him wants to go out and look for him, bring him home. Even if 'home' is nothing more than a room he's renting at the moment, or his parents' home that he uses whenever there is nothing left. There is so much that he wants to say to him; so much that they need to clarify and fix. They had lost twelve years, after all, for so many reasons. Peter had broken them apart, they themselves had helped by even having a shadow of a doubt in each other.
Staring out the window, his gaze lost as he stares up at the night sky, he just hopes that Sirius is safe. And that soon, very soon, they can see each other once more.
5. Blue October - 18th Floor Balcony
I close my eyes and I smile
Knowing that everything is alright
To the core
So close that door
Is this happening?
"You didn't sleep, did you?"
Remus turns his head towards Sirius, a bit startled by the sound of his voice. As the night had been passing by he had simply busied himself by listening to him breathe while looking up at the ceiling; the last thing he had expected was for him to now be awake.
By the looks of it, however, he is very much awake. He can already tell even if there isn't much light in the room just yet. "Not exactly, no," Remus responds quietly.
Sirius shifts just slightly, moving closer to him and closing his eyes as he finds a comfortable position against Remus. "Merlin, Moony. No wonder you look as tired as you do sometimes." A beat, his thumb moving in small circles against his chest. Along those scars that covered his body; the scars that he knows so well by now. "Is everything all right?"
Remus rests his chin against the top of his head, a small smile quirking at the corners. Is he all right? Sirius is there, with him. He had been listening to him breathe while he slept next to him, and it's one of the most wonderful sounds he has heard in his life. As far as he's concerned, the lack of sleep had been well worth it.
"I couldn't be better, actually."
6. Three Days Grace - Animal I Have Become
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Even if he has been looking forward to this night, the first night that his friends will be spending the night with him during his transformation, a part of him is dreading what is coming. He's terrified that his friends will see what he turns into and they will do what they could have done the second they found out the truth about him - he's terrified that they will decide he's not worth the effort and they will move on. Which he wouldn't blame them for, really, but he's still terrified. Maybe he shouldn't be, but he is. He cannot help it.
When nightfall comes, they meet in the shack just before the transformation begins. Poppy believes that Remus is there on his own, and when his friends arrive he already looks just about ready to pass out. His skin is clammy, he's shivering, he's aching--
And then it begins.
His body twists and breaks, his skin shifts, and the teenage boy disappears under fur. He's no longer a boy; he's a wolf. A wolf that is ready to kill anyone in his path.
But he doesn't. He doesn't kill anyone; not long after the wolf is running next to the stag and the dog through the forest while the rat holds on to the stag for dear life.
In the morning, Remus will realize, just how foolish he had been for ever being so scared.
7. Goo Goo Dolls - Better Days
And you asked me what I want this year
and I try to make this kind and clear
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
and designer love and empty things
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words and sing out loud
'cause everyone is forgiven now
'cause tonight's the night the world begins again.
Now that all the children are asleep, Remus and Sirius are alone in the living room in front of the fireplace. It's Christmas - their first Christmas together - and even if the circumstances as to why the children are with them aren't ideal, Remus can't help but feel happy that they are there. Sirius looks so happy, so alive. Remus can't seem to stop grinning at the sight. "Did you have a good Christmas?"
"Of course I did." He leans against the couch they're sitting on, and he watches Remus quietly for a moment. "Did you?"
Leaning towards him, he kisses his lips and lingers briefly. He tastes like chocolate and elf wine, he notices with an even bigger smile on his face. "The best."
8. Switchfoot - Yesterdays
The ache I feel inside
Is where the life has left your eyes
I'm alone for our last goodbye
But you're free
I remember you like yesterday, yesterday
I still can't believe you're gone, oh...
I remember you like yesterday, yesterday
And until I'm with you, I'll carry on
It's late, and it's cold, but the beach where Remus is at is deserted and that is what he had been hoping for. This is something that he hadn't wanted anyone else to know about.
It has been a year since Sirius has gone through the veil. He knows because it is impossible for him to ever forget that day even if he wants to. He still dreams of that battle. He still sees Sirius go through that veil, and he feels that helplessness all over again; how would he ever be able to forget that?
How would he ever be able to forget him?
There had been no body to bury. No headstone to choose, no words to decide on, no dates engraved in stone. All there is is a veil in the Department of Mysteries and memories. Memories that kill them as much as they bring them alive. Memories that right now are choking him half to death.
As he sits on the sand, his eyes lost in the sea ahead of him, he just thinks of Sirius. There is no spot in a cemetery to visit, but this will have to do. And even if there is so much that he has to do, things for the Order to do, there is no one on this earth that would move him from that spot. He just drowns himself in the sound of the waves, and the memories of his lover that seem to be even more vivid than usual.
9. Phil Collins - You'll Be In My Heart
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always
Sirius is holding Harry so carefully in his arms, and he is watching him with such adoration that Remus' breath catches in his throat and he can't help but just watch as a grin slowly grows on his face. He never doubted that Sirius would be the perfect godfather for Harry, and now that he can see them together he's even more sure of that. If anybody is fit to be Harry James Potter's godfather, it is Sirius Black.
Walking over to them, Remus smiles at Harry and gently tries to fix his hair (with no success, which doesn't surprise him and instead only makes him laugh), before smiling over at Sirius. "You are the perfect godfather, you know."
"Merlin, I hope so," Sirius murmurs under his breath as his attention shifts over to the baby sleeping in his arms. "Can you believe one of us has a little one of their own?"
Remus chuckles then. "Not really, no. But I am very happy that he does."
"Well," Sirius corrects him with a grin, "that we do, because I have a feeling Harry will be getting terribly spoiled with all of us." In a way Harry is their son, the Marauders' and Lily's.
"You and James will surely spoil him, I will be trying to help Lily balance you two out."
But Sirius can already see Remus' eyes twinkling, and he can't help but wonder just how soon he will most likely try to feed Harry his first piece of chocolate.
10. Pink - Who Knew
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew
It's announced in every copy of the Prophet for months; they always have something to say about Sirius and his capture. The speculation, the rumors of possibilities... Everything. Remus can't outrun it, no matter where he turns.
The war is over, and Remus should be happy about that, but he isn't. He's miserable. He feels dead. His best friends are all dead. His best friends' child is with his family. And Sirius...
While he walks the streets, ignoring others around him, the thought of Sirius still makes his throat close up and his stomach to grow into a million knots. How had he missed it? How could it be him, the one that had betrayed Lily and James?
He will never figure it out, he knows. And he will never be able to understand it,and in a way he has already given up trying even if it has barely been months. He just wishes it wouldn't hurt so badly. He just wishes he could somehow stop caring about him so it wouldn't hurt, but he won't be able to. No matter what he tells himself, no matter how hard he tries, he won't be able to. He's in much too deep for that to ever change.
1. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.
2. Turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle.
3. Write a ficlet related to each song that plays. You only have the time frame of the song to finish the ficlet; you start when the song starts, and stop when it's over. No lingering afterwards!
4. Do ten of these, then post them.
Prompt: "You do not choose the life you will experience ahead of time. You may select the persons, places and events - the conditions and circumstances, the challenges, the opportunities and options - with which to create experiences. What you create with these is your business." - Neale Donald Walsch
1. The Beatles - Let It Be
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer.
Let it be.
Every time the moon passes, Remus is exhausted beyond what anyone can truly imagine. The exhaustion seeps into his bones, draining him of every bit of energy.
On days directly after the full moon, when his energy is at his lowest, when he's laying in the hospital wing because his body is bandaged after spending a night clawing and biting at himself, he sometimes wonders if it would have been better if he would have died. He should have died, isn't that what the Healers had told his parents? He shouldn't have made it. He shouldn't have survived.
Yet, here he is.
As he stares up at the ceiling, an arm bandaged to his chest so it can heal, he doesn't notice the fact that Sirius has slipped into the hospital wing. He doesn't notice, in fact, until he takes his hand in his and gives it a small squeeze. Remus turns to him then, and Sirius smiles just slightly. There are no words between them, but Remus knows what he wants to say. Whatever comes, he'll be there. Whatever happens, he'll be with him.
Suddenly, he realizes, he doesn't regret surviving too much. He's not alone to endure whatever it is that life has stored for him.
2. Aqualung - If I Fall
Here and now
Seems I'm standing on the edge
Looking down
I can clearly see your face
In the crowd
Makes me feel I'm not alone
If I fall
Will you catch me?
He had never figured that he would ever fall in love.
Werewolves shouldn't fall in love, he had once concluded. Werewolves couldn't have families like everyone else, they couldn't have lives like everyone else. They weren't like anyone else. It hadn't been that hard to decide that falling in love wasn't an option. What would be the point, exactly? Who could ever stand to see their loved one ill every month? Who would ever be able to withstand having to take care of him on morning afters, and nights leading up to them? His parents had a hard enough time adjusting to his new life; who would ever guarantee him that a stranger would agree to do it?
It's those thoughts, and many others, that made it impossible for him to see the fact that he could fall in love.
That he had fallen in love.
He still doesn't admit it. He still doesn't trust himself to toy with the possibility that Sirius could be that person, that he could actually fall in love with someone like him.
But if he did...
No, he quickly tells himself, forcing himself to turn his attention back to the parchment he's writing on. Sirius could never fall in love with him.
...right?
3. Coldplay - 42
Those who are dead are not dead
They're just living my head, oh...
And since I fell for that spell,
I am living there as well.
The fire in the Weasley's home is barely alive, but Remus doesn't care. It really doesn't matter. He's sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the couch as he stares at the fireplace. Memories from when they were younger, when Sirius had been alive, when they had been happy keep replaying in his head and Remus wants them to stop. He needs them to stop.
At the same time, however, he doesn't want them to.
He wants to remember what he had felt like in his arms. He wants to remember what he had tasted like. He wants to remember his scent, and the feel of him, and the way his heart would beat under his ear whenever he'd rest his head on his chest while they were in bed. He wants to remember every detail, no matter how much it hurts. If it hurts, if he remembers, then Sirius will never leave. He doesn't want him to leave. He can't bear for him to truly leave, because memories are all he has of him. They are what keep him alive and beating in his heart. They are everything that he has left.
They are what makes him feel as if he's even there, in the same room with him.
"I love you, Sirius," he murmurs under his breath, his eyes suddenly stinging. "I will always love you."
4. Snow Patrol - Set Fire to the Third Bar
I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms.
It's been a month.
It has been a month since he found out the truth about what had happened the night that Lily and James had been killed. A month since he had lost his job.
A month since he had last seen Sirius.
It's strange, he thinks, how twelve years somehow feel like a smaller amount of time than this past month. All he thinks about is Sirius, and where he is. Part of him wants to go out and look for him, bring him home. Even if 'home' is nothing more than a room he's renting at the moment, or his parents' home that he uses whenever there is nothing left. There is so much that he wants to say to him; so much that they need to clarify and fix. They had lost twelve years, after all, for so many reasons. Peter had broken them apart, they themselves had helped by even having a shadow of a doubt in each other.
Staring out the window, his gaze lost as he stares up at the night sky, he just hopes that Sirius is safe. And that soon, very soon, they can see each other once more.
5. Blue October - 18th Floor Balcony
I close my eyes and I smile
Knowing that everything is alright
To the core
So close that door
Is this happening?
"You didn't sleep, did you?"
Remus turns his head towards Sirius, a bit startled by the sound of his voice. As the night had been passing by he had simply busied himself by listening to him breathe while looking up at the ceiling; the last thing he had expected was for him to now be awake.
By the looks of it, however, he is very much awake. He can already tell even if there isn't much light in the room just yet. "Not exactly, no," Remus responds quietly.
Sirius shifts just slightly, moving closer to him and closing his eyes as he finds a comfortable position against Remus. "Merlin, Moony. No wonder you look as tired as you do sometimes." A beat, his thumb moving in small circles against his chest. Along those scars that covered his body; the scars that he knows so well by now. "Is everything all right?"
Remus rests his chin against the top of his head, a small smile quirking at the corners. Is he all right? Sirius is there, with him. He had been listening to him breathe while he slept next to him, and it's one of the most wonderful sounds he has heard in his life. As far as he's concerned, the lack of sleep had been well worth it.
"I couldn't be better, actually."
6. Three Days Grace - Animal I Have Become
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Even if he has been looking forward to this night, the first night that his friends will be spending the night with him during his transformation, a part of him is dreading what is coming. He's terrified that his friends will see what he turns into and they will do what they could have done the second they found out the truth about him - he's terrified that they will decide he's not worth the effort and they will move on. Which he wouldn't blame them for, really, but he's still terrified. Maybe he shouldn't be, but he is. He cannot help it.
When nightfall comes, they meet in the shack just before the transformation begins. Poppy believes that Remus is there on his own, and when his friends arrive he already looks just about ready to pass out. His skin is clammy, he's shivering, he's aching--
And then it begins.
His body twists and breaks, his skin shifts, and the teenage boy disappears under fur. He's no longer a boy; he's a wolf. A wolf that is ready to kill anyone in his path.
But he doesn't. He doesn't kill anyone; not long after the wolf is running next to the stag and the dog through the forest while the rat holds on to the stag for dear life.
In the morning, Remus will realize, just how foolish he had been for ever being so scared.
7. Goo Goo Dolls - Better Days
And you asked me what I want this year
and I try to make this kind and clear
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
and designer love and empty things
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words and sing out loud
'cause everyone is forgiven now
'cause tonight's the night the world begins again.
Now that all the children are asleep, Remus and Sirius are alone in the living room in front of the fireplace. It's Christmas - their first Christmas together - and even if the circumstances as to why the children are with them aren't ideal, Remus can't help but feel happy that they are there. Sirius looks so happy, so alive. Remus can't seem to stop grinning at the sight. "Did you have a good Christmas?"
"Of course I did." He leans against the couch they're sitting on, and he watches Remus quietly for a moment. "Did you?"
Leaning towards him, he kisses his lips and lingers briefly. He tastes like chocolate and elf wine, he notices with an even bigger smile on his face. "The best."
8. Switchfoot - Yesterdays
The ache I feel inside
Is where the life has left your eyes
I'm alone for our last goodbye
But you're free
I remember you like yesterday, yesterday
I still can't believe you're gone, oh...
I remember you like yesterday, yesterday
And until I'm with you, I'll carry on
It's late, and it's cold, but the beach where Remus is at is deserted and that is what he had been hoping for. This is something that he hadn't wanted anyone else to know about.
It has been a year since Sirius has gone through the veil. He knows because it is impossible for him to ever forget that day even if he wants to. He still dreams of that battle. He still sees Sirius go through that veil, and he feels that helplessness all over again; how would he ever be able to forget that?
How would he ever be able to forget him?
There had been no body to bury. No headstone to choose, no words to decide on, no dates engraved in stone. All there is is a veil in the Department of Mysteries and memories. Memories that kill them as much as they bring them alive. Memories that right now are choking him half to death.
As he sits on the sand, his eyes lost in the sea ahead of him, he just thinks of Sirius. There is no spot in a cemetery to visit, but this will have to do. And even if there is so much that he has to do, things for the Order to do, there is no one on this earth that would move him from that spot. He just drowns himself in the sound of the waves, and the memories of his lover that seem to be even more vivid than usual.
9. Phil Collins - You'll Be In My Heart
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always
Sirius is holding Harry so carefully in his arms, and he is watching him with such adoration that Remus' breath catches in his throat and he can't help but just watch as a grin slowly grows on his face. He never doubted that Sirius would be the perfect godfather for Harry, and now that he can see them together he's even more sure of that. If anybody is fit to be Harry James Potter's godfather, it is Sirius Black.
Walking over to them, Remus smiles at Harry and gently tries to fix his hair (with no success, which doesn't surprise him and instead only makes him laugh), before smiling over at Sirius. "You are the perfect godfather, you know."
"Merlin, I hope so," Sirius murmurs under his breath as his attention shifts over to the baby sleeping in his arms. "Can you believe one of us has a little one of their own?"
Remus chuckles then. "Not really, no. But I am very happy that he does."
"Well," Sirius corrects him with a grin, "that we do, because I have a feeling Harry will be getting terribly spoiled with all of us." In a way Harry is their son, the Marauders' and Lily's.
"You and James will surely spoil him, I will be trying to help Lily balance you two out."
But Sirius can already see Remus' eyes twinkling, and he can't help but wonder just how soon he will most likely try to feed Harry his first piece of chocolate.
10. Pink - Who Knew
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew
It's announced in every copy of the Prophet for months; they always have something to say about Sirius and his capture. The speculation, the rumors of possibilities... Everything. Remus can't outrun it, no matter where he turns.
The war is over, and Remus should be happy about that, but he isn't. He's miserable. He feels dead. His best friends are all dead. His best friends' child is with his family. And Sirius...
While he walks the streets, ignoring others around him, the thought of Sirius still makes his throat close up and his stomach to grow into a million knots. How had he missed it? How could it be him, the one that had betrayed Lily and James?
He will never figure it out, he knows. And he will never be able to understand it,and in a way he has already given up trying even if it has barely been months. He just wishes it wouldn't hurt so badly. He just wishes he could somehow stop caring about him so it wouldn't hurt, but he won't be able to. No matter what he tells himself, no matter how hard he tries, he won't be able to. He's in much too deep for that to ever change.