mind_the_muse: Introduction
August, 1993
From where he sat, Remus stared out the window in silence as the scenery passed by in hopes that he would be able to distract himself. The past few days his mind had been working over time, but now he wanted to let those thoughts loose at least briefly. He wanted to stop thinking in hopes that the butterflies that kept fluttering in his stomach would die down.
Except, he couldn't and they wouldn't. He already knew this well enough because he was on his way to London. And from London he would go to Hogwarts so he could take up the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.
...right. Those butterflies weren't going away any time soon.
Remus J. Lupin was going back to Hogwarts. The same school he had left fifteen years ago. The same school where he had graduated from, along with his friends.
It was that thought that finally eased that anxiety he had been feeling, even in the slightest, because instead of anxiety something else pressed against his chest. That same grief and sadness he felt whenever he thought about the Marauders. The one that he kept trying to avoid for the past twelve years, because avoidance was much easier to deal with than reality. Remus knew well enough that his friends were dead, and he was well aware of the fact that they weren't coming back, but the grief he still felt was overwhelming. Hiding and running away from it hadn't lessened it - instead it kept lurking for whenever he wasn't ready so it could strike.
But now there was no more running, no matter how much he may want to. He would start teaching. He would live in the school that meant so much to him, and that held some of his most treasured memories. Above everything else, he would come face-to-face with Harry, the son of one of his best friends. After so many years, he would finally get a chance to meet him.
No, he thought as he leaned his head back against the seat, there definitely was no more running away.
Was he ready for this change, and this new life? A brief look at his clothes immediately told him no. Remus remembered how well dressed his professors were, and his clothes most definitely did not fit the part. But there was more to it than that, he forced himself to remember. He had to be dedicated at his job. He had to be ready to teach his students, and be the best professor he could be. He had learned from the beast, hadn't he? The least he could do was make an attempt, especially since it had been Dumbledore himself the one that had offered him the position.
Remus closed his eyes then, taking a small deep breath as the thoughts kept circling in his head. Whether he was ready or not, they would know soon enough. Very soon, judging by how much the fluttering in his stomach increased. Had he even been this nervous when he had first taken the Hogwarts Express? he couldn't help but wonder suddenly. Of course, as soon as he thought about that other things started filtering into his head. Memories of seven years worth of riding the Hogwarts Express. Of James' and Sirius' jokes, of Peter trying to keep up, of him just enjoying himself after tense weeks of living with his parents again.
Without realizing it, his lips tugged into a small smile then, and before he could feel that pressure on his chest of sadness and grief, he started to fall asleep without even being fully aware of it. Those memories were helping to relax him, oddly enough, and after restless nights of very little sleep, he didn't fight the sleep anymore. Maybe later on, once it was time for him to wake up, the fluttering in his stomach wouldn't be as strong as it had been the past few days.
word count: 662
From where he sat, Remus stared out the window in silence as the scenery passed by in hopes that he would be able to distract himself. The past few days his mind had been working over time, but now he wanted to let those thoughts loose at least briefly. He wanted to stop thinking in hopes that the butterflies that kept fluttering in his stomach would die down.
Except, he couldn't and they wouldn't. He already knew this well enough because he was on his way to London. And from London he would go to Hogwarts so he could take up the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.
...right. Those butterflies weren't going away any time soon.
Remus J. Lupin was going back to Hogwarts. The same school he had left fifteen years ago. The same school where he had graduated from, along with his friends.
It was that thought that finally eased that anxiety he had been feeling, even in the slightest, because instead of anxiety something else pressed against his chest. That same grief and sadness he felt whenever he thought about the Marauders. The one that he kept trying to avoid for the past twelve years, because avoidance was much easier to deal with than reality. Remus knew well enough that his friends were dead, and he was well aware of the fact that they weren't coming back, but the grief he still felt was overwhelming. Hiding and running away from it hadn't lessened it - instead it kept lurking for whenever he wasn't ready so it could strike.
But now there was no more running, no matter how much he may want to. He would start teaching. He would live in the school that meant so much to him, and that held some of his most treasured memories. Above everything else, he would come face-to-face with Harry, the son of one of his best friends. After so many years, he would finally get a chance to meet him.
No, he thought as he leaned his head back against the seat, there definitely was no more running away.
Was he ready for this change, and this new life? A brief look at his clothes immediately told him no. Remus remembered how well dressed his professors were, and his clothes most definitely did not fit the part. But there was more to it than that, he forced himself to remember. He had to be dedicated at his job. He had to be ready to teach his students, and be the best professor he could be. He had learned from the beast, hadn't he? The least he could do was make an attempt, especially since it had been Dumbledore himself the one that had offered him the position.
Remus closed his eyes then, taking a small deep breath as the thoughts kept circling in his head. Whether he was ready or not, they would know soon enough. Very soon, judging by how much the fluttering in his stomach increased. Had he even been this nervous when he had first taken the Hogwarts Express? he couldn't help but wonder suddenly. Of course, as soon as he thought about that other things started filtering into his head. Memories of seven years worth of riding the Hogwarts Express. Of James' and Sirius' jokes, of Peter trying to keep up, of him just enjoying himself after tense weeks of living with his parents again.
Without realizing it, his lips tugged into a small smile then, and before he could feel that pressure on his chest of sadness and grief, he started to fall asleep without even being fully aware of it. Those memories were helping to relax him, oddly enough, and after restless nights of very little sleep, he didn't fight the sleep anymore. Maybe later on, once it was time for him to wake up, the fluttering in his stomach wouldn't be as strong as it had been the past few days.
word count: 662