grownhp6words timeline
ooc: set almost directly after this. For mun information only, please.
I can't remember what happened.
I have been trying to remember something that can trigger it. I have been staring at the bloody pawprints that I left behind before I transformed; I have been staring at the blood on the wall where I was leaning; I have been raking my brain for some sign as to what happened, but there's no memory of anything. Just transforming, then running, and then there's nothing. There's just a blank.
And there's blood. There's so much blood in the house. I can still smell it. Sometimes I'm so sure I can still taste it, and I can't keep anything down.
Merlin, this is so wrong. I can't even tell myself it's a nightmare anymore, because I know it's not. As real as my dreams sometimes are, this is so different no matter how much I want to wake up. This is...
I do remember wanting to kill before the full moon. I remember wanting to get away as far as i could go. I remember wanting to tear through people's throats. I wanted to taste blood. I wanted everything, absolutely everything that Moony wanted. So did I lose control because I blanked out, or did I simply let go purposely? I always go back after a blank-out, so why not now? ...Merlin, that is such a pointless question. I already answered it in the first lines - I wanted what Moony wanted. My anger got out of control more than once before the full moon. I kept remembering the snarl, and I kept remembering Fenrir, and I kept remembering that night... I just never thought this would happen. I never thought...
This is wrong. this is so wrong.
I can't go back to the cottage. I can't bring myself to do it. I feel like I am losing my mind here as it is; if I were to go back... I cannot keep up a mask right now. I cannot smile at my children like if nothing happened because SOMETHING HAPPENED. I cannot let Dora touch me, because I don't want to be touched. I don't want to face anyone. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to talk. I just want to remember what happened. Soon, however, I know that Dora will find out I didn't go back. she will start asking questions, and she will probably try to find out and I don't want to go back. As much as I hated this place when I was a child, because of how trapped I would feel in this house, here I feel safe. It has been a sort of refuge, and as cowardly as it is, I don't want to leave it right now. Or should I say 'yet,' instead? I don't know. All I know is that I do not want to go back.
Remus stared at the piece of parchment in front of him before letting the quill drop. He had started writing it so he could send it, but now he wasn't so sure. He would have to go out if he were to send it, and leaving was something he didn't want to do.
Setting the parchment down as well, he made his way over to the bed and finally allowed himself to lay down. His thoughts hadn't been making sense as it was, but now he was just too drained and exhausted to keep thinking or even keep his eyes open much longer.
Burrowing his face into the pillow, he tried to keep thoughts away as he drifted off. Things would probably start chasing him in his dreams as well, but maybe that way he'd remember. Something. Anything.
And, with that thought, he finally fell asleep.
I can't remember what happened.
I have been trying to remember something that can trigger it. I have been staring at the bloody pawprints that I left behind before I transformed; I have been staring at the blood on the wall where I was leaning; I have been raking my brain for some sign as to what happened, but there's no memory of anything. Just transforming, then running, and then there's nothing. There's just a blank.
And there's blood. There's so much blood in the house. I can still smell it. Sometimes I'm so sure I can still taste it, and I can't keep anything down.
Merlin, this is so wrong. I can't even tell myself it's a nightmare anymore, because I know it's not. As real as my dreams sometimes are, this is so different no matter how much I want to wake up. This is...
I do remember wanting to kill before the full moon. I remember wanting to get away as far as i could go. I remember wanting to tear through people's throats. I wanted to taste blood. I wanted everything, absolutely everything that Moony wanted. So did I lose control because I blanked out, or did I simply let go purposely? I always go back after a blank-out, so why not now? ...Merlin, that is such a pointless question. I already answered it in the first lines - I wanted what Moony wanted. My anger got out of control more than once before the full moon. I kept remembering the snarl, and I kept remembering Fenrir, and I kept remembering that night... I just never thought this would happen. I never thought...
This is wrong. this is so wrong.
I can't go back to the cottage. I can't bring myself to do it. I feel like I am losing my mind here as it is; if I were to go back... I cannot keep up a mask right now. I cannot smile at my children like if nothing happened because SOMETHING HAPPENED. I cannot let Dora touch me, because I don't want to be touched. I don't want to face anyone. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to talk. I just want to remember what happened. Soon, however, I know that Dora will find out I didn't go back. she will start asking questions, and she will probably try to find out and I don't want to go back. As much as I hated this place when I was a child, because of how trapped I would feel in this house, here I feel safe. It has been a sort of refuge, and as cowardly as it is, I don't want to leave it right now. Or should I say 'yet,' instead? I don't know. All I know is that I do not want to go back.
Remus stared at the piece of parchment in front of him before letting the quill drop. He had started writing it so he could send it, but now he wasn't so sure. He would have to go out if he were to send it, and leaving was something he didn't want to do.
Setting the parchment down as well, he made his way over to the bed and finally allowed himself to lay down. His thoughts hadn't been making sense as it was, but now he was just too drained and exhausted to keep thinking or even keep his eyes open much longer.
Burrowing his face into the pillow, he tried to keep thoughts away as he drifted off. Things would probably start chasing him in his dreams as well, but maybe that way he'd remember. Something. Anything.
And, with that thought, he finally fell asleep.