Obviously, it was the Tourrette Syndrome talking
I freaking blasted my soldier yesterday. I mean, I let him have it. Raised voice, lots of swearing, called him names even. I did it with such a loud voice that everyone in the building and most of those standing around outside (including those on the opposite side from my room) heard me very clearly.
Most would say I had good reason. Many have said they didn't think I had it in me, and were favorably impressed. Everyone that's said anything about it has done so with a smile and a note of respect that wasn't quite as profound as before. Apparently, I was clearly audible from hundreds of yards away, and this over generators, vehicles, and air traffic. At one point, I even threw my (full) bottle of random sports drink at the floor, shattering it. My soldier flinched, but to his credit stood there and faced me the whole time, and even quit trying to make excuses after the first couple of tries. He was in the wrong. Period. I hope I made it clear enough for him to grasp.
I have to say, I'm not sure how I feel right now. Disappointed in myself, disappointed with my soldier, hopeful that I've made a positive difference in his life and for the Army, embarrassed by my actions and my soldier's, pleased that everyone thinks I did the right thing... it's all a ridiculous mix, and kind of tiring to even think about any more.
Here's the 'so what' about all of this: I don't swear. It's just not something I do. I don't flip out and lose control over my words and actions, really ever. If I feel like I'm going to, I go somewhere away from people and I vent to the universe in a place where it's just me and It. I should have told him to go away and come back in 10 minutes. I'd have been a highly unhappy, highly inflamed NCO, and he would have known it, but things would have stayed professional, generally respectful, and hopefully still gotten the point across. The fact is, he caught me at exactly the wrong moment, and I laid into him with both barrels.
But here's the most disturbing piece: literally everyone who said anything about it afterward has told me that my soldier had it coming to him. This, my aspiring future officer, the college graduate who is older than I am by a smidgeon. THAT, more than anything about this, worries me, and makes me wonder if in the next few days/weeks even yelling isn't going to save him from what's down the road in front of him.
The bottom line is this: Every soldier has a team chief. EVERY soldier has a team chief. The soldier who does not have a team chief standing over him does not exist. This goes for the lowliest private up to General Odierno (current Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who answers to the Secretary of the Army, who answers to the Secretary of Defense, who answers to the President, who answers to Congress and the People of the United States). If your Sergeant does not know where you are, or what you are doing, YOU. ARE. WRONG. Always. If a company commander disappears without his battalion CO's permission, he or she is SOL. If the colonel in charge of a maneuver brigade releases his troops for the weekend without the division commander's OK, that full-bird's unlikely to remain BDE CO past Monday morning. (It's the Army. Paperwork sometimes takes a while.) Likewise, if I give my guys permission to do something/go somewhere, it's MY butt, not theirs, when things go downhill. But when one of them decides to go do his own thing because it makes sense to him, no matter what someone else might want, my chevrons won't save him.
Not least because they'll be first in line filleting his officer-wannabe buttocks.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go wash the blood from my jaws....
Most would say I had good reason. Many have said they didn't think I had it in me, and were favorably impressed. Everyone that's said anything about it has done so with a smile and a note of respect that wasn't quite as profound as before. Apparently, I was clearly audible from hundreds of yards away, and this over generators, vehicles, and air traffic. At one point, I even threw my (full) bottle of random sports drink at the floor, shattering it. My soldier flinched, but to his credit stood there and faced me the whole time, and even quit trying to make excuses after the first couple of tries. He was in the wrong. Period. I hope I made it clear enough for him to grasp.
I have to say, I'm not sure how I feel right now. Disappointed in myself, disappointed with my soldier, hopeful that I've made a positive difference in his life and for the Army, embarrassed by my actions and my soldier's, pleased that everyone thinks I did the right thing... it's all a ridiculous mix, and kind of tiring to even think about any more.
Here's the 'so what' about all of this: I don't swear. It's just not something I do. I don't flip out and lose control over my words and actions, really ever. If I feel like I'm going to, I go somewhere away from people and I vent to the universe in a place where it's just me and It. I should have told him to go away and come back in 10 minutes. I'd have been a highly unhappy, highly inflamed NCO, and he would have known it, but things would have stayed professional, generally respectful, and hopefully still gotten the point across. The fact is, he caught me at exactly the wrong moment, and I laid into him with both barrels.
But here's the most disturbing piece: literally everyone who said anything about it afterward has told me that my soldier had it coming to him. This, my aspiring future officer, the college graduate who is older than I am by a smidgeon. THAT, more than anything about this, worries me, and makes me wonder if in the next few days/weeks even yelling isn't going to save him from what's down the road in front of him.
The bottom line is this: Every soldier has a team chief. EVERY soldier has a team chief. The soldier who does not have a team chief standing over him does not exist. This goes for the lowliest private up to General Odierno (current Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who answers to the Secretary of the Army, who answers to the Secretary of Defense, who answers to the President, who answers to Congress and the People of the United States). If your Sergeant does not know where you are, or what you are doing, YOU. ARE. WRONG. Always. If a company commander disappears without his battalion CO's permission, he or she is SOL. If the colonel in charge of a maneuver brigade releases his troops for the weekend without the division commander's OK, that full-bird's unlikely to remain BDE CO past Monday morning. (It's the Army. Paperwork sometimes takes a while.) Likewise, if I give my guys permission to do something/go somewhere, it's MY butt, not theirs, when things go downhill. But when one of them decides to go do his own thing because it makes sense to him, no matter what someone else might want, my chevrons won't save him.
Not least because they'll be first in line filleting his officer-wannabe buttocks.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go wash the blood from my jaws....