great night to ride my bike
tonight was just a great night. time flew by just as quick as the breeze through my hair. it was one of those spiritual encounters where it didnt matter how bad your butt sweat was or how sore your legs were...haha it all didn't matter. the darkness was unbeatable.
my great grandma was in the hospital today and it brought me to tears to see her. she talked and talked and talked for hours and just told stories about lindsey. i love hearing those stories. i haven't yet began the thinking process of death, but she promised me she will be here for my birthday because she has a big surprise for me...so big that she was dying to tell me, but i told her i like surprises. i hope its a picture or something...i love her old pictures or really anything of hers. it all means so much--she is truly an amazing woman who remembers everything..literally everything..i truly love my great grandma and i hope with all my heart that she survives this surgery.
i am content where i am right now. i really have been devoting a lot of time with my family and i am grateful for this opportunity to sit down and enjoy their company. everyone is just so different, but we all laugh at the same things and seem to just finish each other sentences. my mom? i feel almost regretful that she is not here to join the bonding that we have done all summer and i think she can feel it when she comes home...it just is different. i miss my mom and i miss her being my mom. i would really love to have a mom in my life, especially one who is so intelligent and...hopeful. i just hope she is happy with herself.
summer has been everything that i have needed. i have needed a time to make money, learn, rest, and prepare. kind of like a worm in a cocoon who is just needing that extra time to really make something of himself before he is ready to open up...at the same time i just run in a vicious circle of middle child syndrome, haha, i won't deny it. reading and music have been great additions as well.
i have been toying with the idea who i want to be and what i want to become. just the whole thought that i can be anyone i want is invigorating. i just want to be real. i really really just want to be real. and laugh. and learn. and enjoy. i find myself being interested in other things, which scares me, especially my particular interest in materialistic things, but as long as i keep myself grounded...i feel i can still be the person i want to be. i think just the fact that now i can afford such things is like a marking point that i can my world is moving up? i am just excited that i dont have to live a life in such fear of no money for a little while. first time in my life.
so all in all, i am at peace. i am going to hate to say goodbye to my dad and even to my sister. to not see her everyday is going to be so weird. i will miss my family and i think that even i will be homesick. that's a fact. anywho, check out the sky tonight. the lightening is freaking awesome. and the breeze? its so great that you forget your in arizona. :) 22 days left. time to sleep.
my great grandma was in the hospital today and it brought me to tears to see her. she talked and talked and talked for hours and just told stories about lindsey. i love hearing those stories. i haven't yet began the thinking process of death, but she promised me she will be here for my birthday because she has a big surprise for me...so big that she was dying to tell me, but i told her i like surprises. i hope its a picture or something...i love her old pictures or really anything of hers. it all means so much--she is truly an amazing woman who remembers everything..literally everything..i truly love my great grandma and i hope with all my heart that she survives this surgery.
i am content where i am right now. i really have been devoting a lot of time with my family and i am grateful for this opportunity to sit down and enjoy their company. everyone is just so different, but we all laugh at the same things and seem to just finish each other sentences. my mom? i feel almost regretful that she is not here to join the bonding that we have done all summer and i think she can feel it when she comes home...it just is different. i miss my mom and i miss her being my mom. i would really love to have a mom in my life, especially one who is so intelligent and...hopeful. i just hope she is happy with herself.
summer has been everything that i have needed. i have needed a time to make money, learn, rest, and prepare. kind of like a worm in a cocoon who is just needing that extra time to really make something of himself before he is ready to open up...at the same time i just run in a vicious circle of middle child syndrome, haha, i won't deny it. reading and music have been great additions as well.
i have been toying with the idea who i want to be and what i want to become. just the whole thought that i can be anyone i want is invigorating. i just want to be real. i really really just want to be real. and laugh. and learn. and enjoy. i find myself being interested in other things, which scares me, especially my particular interest in materialistic things, but as long as i keep myself grounded...i feel i can still be the person i want to be. i think just the fact that now i can afford such things is like a marking point that i can my world is moving up? i am just excited that i dont have to live a life in such fear of no money for a little while. first time in my life.
so all in all, i am at peace. i am going to hate to say goodbye to my dad and even to my sister. to not see her everyday is going to be so weird. i will miss my family and i think that even i will be homesick. that's a fact. anywho, check out the sky tonight. the lightening is freaking awesome. and the breeze? its so great that you forget your in arizona. :) 22 days left. time to sleep.