Fire Emblem 9 - Imagine

[r_amythest]

Title: Imagine
Fandom: Fire Emblem 9
Genre: Angst
Rating, Warnings: NC-17/MA for an explicit depiction of one of the following badfic conventions.
Second Note as I'm flipping this to public: I think I should probably warn a second time that there is definitely trigger material in here. It's not a trigger for me and I write depressing crap all the

Comments

[myaru]

Since we were talking about first person narration, I'll start with that.

The usual form of first person stories in fic involves the narrator telling you, the reader, what's going on - as if they're narrating in real time, I suppose. That's the impression they always give me, and for that reason I almost always find them jarring and impossible to get into; the author never grasps a voice I can imagine belonging to that character if s/he and I were sitting together eating ice cream while they talk. The cards are stacked against us for this, because we all come out of a book or game with our own idea of what a character's voice might be like. We had a conversation about the VAs in the Tellius games, and Ashera being the only one perfect for her part; Lehran's voice grated on me something awful, perhaps because it was close but just not there.

But a character's speaking voice will be different from their writing voice, just as that's true of many people in real life. Soren's narration works for me here for two reasons, probably: one, you're just good at writing Soren. He's a character you're comfortable with, and I happen to agree with your interpretation of him, so you represent him well. Secondly, this story feels very much like a letter. In some ways I feel it's structured like one, such as in the way you laid out the possibilities he explores for Ike's response to nighttime prodding. And even though he's talking to Ike, I feel like Soren is writing the letter to himself that he will burn later while denying the symbolic significance of the act.

In any case, I imagine Soren might speak more freely in writing - or honestly, I should say, since he's free with his sarcasm most of the time. The format of the story lends an impression of release.

Having not read many fics about characters cutting themselves in general, I'm not really catching the cliche, except in the sense that I know it is one. Soren approaches that confession dryly, so it isn't very angsty. "...I can never explain to myself why I've given myself another burden" and "Then for whatever reason... I'd be there... until I realized how I'd inconvenienced myself again" are very Soren-like ways to approach the impracticality of it. Maybe that mitigates the emo nature of the cliche. He is believably defensive about selling himself in how he circles around the issue at first ("It was winter, I would defend against the goddess..."). A lesser writer might turn this into flowery angst, but what keeps it in character is the straightforward approach that Soren takes with everything - brutal honesty, I suppose.

Because I'm a nerd for details, I really enjoyed the paragraph from "Spindly writing. With curls at the bottom of the stem of their F's, like my mentor had told me never to write them..." Also, Soren's sharp memory of the man's belt. I'm not sure why that stood out to me.

In any case, it might not be 100% Soren compliant as you say in your note, but it was close enough that the narration didn't jar me. It's Soren-compliant in a world that would force him to experience such things, maybe? That's always the challenge when taking your interpretation off the usual path.

[r_amythest]

I think it's probably a good thing that I don't evoke a sense of cliche with the cutting, since it was my intention to take these ill-used topics and write them in a not-ill-used way. Now that I think about it, the FE fandom is much more reticent with these angstfic conventions than anime fandom at large, though it surprises me in any case that you haven't seen this cliche before. Though I seem to have none on hand saved on my hard drive, I remember going through thousands of terrible cutting fics (and liking it) back when I was 11 and read Yu-Gi-Oh fanfiction.

Regarding angst about significant trauma in general, I think it's not only in character but more effective to avoid flowery language and keep it raw and blunt. Looking back on this, his defensiveness about selling himself is one of my favorite parts -- that he feels the need to defend the act, his implicit self-guilt over something that (by modern standards) he is blameless for.

About the belt: I remember reading a book on memory (The Seven Sins of Memory by Steven Pinker I think) that mentioned that people had a tendency to remember the immediately threatening object to a fault. For example, a guy robs a store at gunpoint. The clerk will remember ridiculous details about the gun that was thrust into her face, and unfortunately little about the robber himself. Similar principle with the belt.

Anyway, I'm glad I can write something like this concerning Soren and still apparently have it come off as in-character. :D Thanks for the comments!