i miss her
the only way i'm getting through this is just by not thinking about it, but it's impossible to not think about someone who was such a big part of your life. it's also impossible to forget when every time i walk by my bed i can smell her b/c her blanket is there and it smells like her (although i think i have just about smelled all the smell out of it). i miss her being at every one of my events for as long as i can remember. she came up here to my concert last semester, even though she could barely breathe. i miss her being at my softball games and giving me a huge smile every time i walked back into the dugout and her telling me how awesome i was that inning even if i didn't do anything. i miss her forcing me to take money from her nearly every time i saw her. and i miss her giving suggestions and helping us pick out mother's day gifts. i miss her worrying about me all the time. i miss her even more now that so many people have told me that chase and i were all she ever talked about even though we had a pretty good idea. i miss holding her hand and not being able to be in a room with her without holding her hand. i miss her telling us about all the funny things we did when we were little. i miss her letting chase and i be the only ones to ever see her without her teeth in. i miss her telling me that when she got through all that we were gonna go get a facial together. i miss her laugh and how i could hear it from a mile away. i miss hearing her sneeze and knowing exactly where i get it from. i miss her telling me how lucky i was to be able to drive to and from austin in the spring and see all the bluebonnets. i miss her talking about how everything was back in the day. i miss her talking about politics even though i rarely agreed with her. i miss not agreeing with her but her assuring me that even though i was conservative she loved me the same. i miss her living with us when her and jack were "courting." i miss her always wanting to take me shopping, even when she was lying in a hospital bed. i miss listening to old hymns with her in the car on tape, especially amazing grace. i miss everything about her but i know she is much better off now. i know that and it's just hard to get used to. i can't imagine how i would get through this without knowing i'm going to see her again. i miss her so much.