(no subject)

[r__nb_wmajik]

i cried tonight. i hate goodbyes. Kat's not even gone yet and i miss her. i mean, she's leaving at 6 in the morning so tonight was the last time i'll see her so i guess she may as well be gone. i didn't think i'd miss her this much. its surprised me, but i think this will be my hardest goodbye. i guess it makes sense. i've spent more time with her than anyone this summer. God. i'm tearing up again. i've got to stop this. i hate crying. when i felt myself tearing up at the bowling alley when she walked away tonight i didn't want anyone to see so i went outside. but this drunk old man i guess saw me crying outside and walked up to ask me if i was alright and try to make me smile. it was sweet in a moderately creepy way. but i got up and walked off into the darkness because i couldn't even let some man i didn't even know see me cry.

time to listen to Breakfast at Tiffany's to cheer myself up. it's not a happy song, it's quite depressing actually. but it makes me think of Megan and driving around town in the summer with the windows down singing at the top of our lungs. back when i was overwhelmed with the newness of freedom. and that makes me happy.

well, that didn't work. i still feel like crying. now because of Kat and because i miss my high school friends. i hate losing people that have been important in my life. but i guess it's inevitable.

i need to be home. i need my mommy. she's the only constant presence i've had in my life but she's getting older. that could change.