Happiness is a warm gun
A moment of sheer fortune was bestowed upon yours truly TODAY, on this fine day. I recently graduated from college (sorta, I haven't been officially commenced but I'm done taking classes) and I've been receiving a few generous checks in celebration of the culmination of my upper-level schooling career. It's quite satisfying, but back to the matter at hand. I goto the bank to deposit a couple checks. I finish. I drive away. I'm driving. I'm chilling. I'm living. I'm about a half mile away from my house when, out of habit (since I don't have a wallet), I reached into my pocket to make sure all my goods were accounted for. Shock. Horror. Deep Bellows.
I forgot to retrieve my ATM card when I finished the transaction. I immediately turn the fuck around and floor it 90 mph down State Road 50. Bobbing. Weaving. Racing. People honk, they fret, I care not. I whip an illegal turn into the bank and notice that atleast 3 cars are exiting and another is at my ATM of choice. Fuck. I cut off some old geezer and ask him if my card was in there and he shrugs me off. He probably took it. Anyway, I'm freakin like Rick James. I call the bank and I'm not in the mood to waste time. They have about 500 automated options, none of which are simply "TALK TO A REAL PERSON AND CANCEL YOUR CARD". I don't speak spanish either so I don't fucking need to hear the bogus options in that language either. Sweating. Growling. Cursing. I hang up. This is when it gets good.
Dad to the rescue. Any time I ever have a problem I call my dad because he'll either A) know what to do. B) calm me down. C) take care of it. or in this case D) work a miracle. The man says, Oh, no problem. I just sent you a new ATM card about a week ago so it's probably in your mail box. Golden. The fucking ATM card is Golden. Literally. I guess that's what you get for having good credit and a pretty smile. I immediately activated the new Golden love child , subsequently deactivating the lost, stolen, blue ATM card. Whoever has my card only had about 20 minutes to buy something nice for themselves. Not enough time at all to do any real damage. WA PA PWA
Did I mention I received two more checks when I checked (checks checks checks, I <3 czechs) the mail? Oh, did I mention I have a hot date tonight? Did I mention its with a girl? Fuck it.
I forgot to retrieve my ATM card when I finished the transaction. I immediately turn the fuck around and floor it 90 mph down State Road 50. Bobbing. Weaving. Racing. People honk, they fret, I care not. I whip an illegal turn into the bank and notice that atleast 3 cars are exiting and another is at my ATM of choice. Fuck. I cut off some old geezer and ask him if my card was in there and he shrugs me off. He probably took it. Anyway, I'm freakin like Rick James. I call the bank and I'm not in the mood to waste time. They have about 500 automated options, none of which are simply "TALK TO A REAL PERSON AND CANCEL YOUR CARD". I don't speak spanish either so I don't fucking need to hear the bogus options in that language either. Sweating. Growling. Cursing. I hang up. This is when it gets good.
Dad to the rescue. Any time I ever have a problem I call my dad because he'll either A) know what to do. B) calm me down. C) take care of it. or in this case D) work a miracle. The man says, Oh, no problem. I just sent you a new ATM card about a week ago so it's probably in your mail box. Golden. The fucking ATM card is Golden. Literally. I guess that's what you get for having good credit and a pretty smile. I immediately activated the new Golden love child , subsequently deactivating the lost, stolen, blue ATM card. Whoever has my card only had about 20 minutes to buy something nice for themselves. Not enough time at all to do any real damage. WA PA PWA
Did I mention I received two more checks when I checked (checks checks checks, I <3 czechs) the mail? Oh, did I mention I have a hot date tonight? Did I mention its with a girl? Fuck it.