Habitual lack of habit
Hello LJ.
I used to tell you things. Share w/ you my feelings. I used to do the odd, occassional rant in this little box, & I guess that's what I'm doing now. Except not really. This one's more in the life update department. It's not that there's nothing new in my life, though nothing too dramatic is worth noting - or rather, nothing that leaves me distraught enough to put in here, redirecting hostilities to this handy little outlet. It's just that developing a callous as a defensive mechanism makes you more stoic to everything going on around you. Sometimes, that's a bad thing, as shit can tend to build up & weigh you down. These times, you're stubborn & think you're fine. You try not to make a big deal, you shy away from being on anyone's radar, think it's being a good friend not to put a downer on the general mood. But you're a loaded gun, waiting for someone to pull the trigger, & when it happens, you go off at the gunman [or gunwoman], at everyone, & you start to say things you don't want to say, & may not mean. When you lose control, you either blame others for giving you that one last push, or you blame yourself for not choosing option B.
You can take the less selfish approach & excuse yourself, do what you need to get it out of your system, & do so as vigorously as you desire. Take as much time as you need. & once you've rebooted your system & recharged your batteries, rejoin your friends. Whether or not you answer their questions once you return does not necessarily change the outcome, though if you still wish to remain selfless, you can ease their worries & satiate their curiosity by humouring their efforts to show genuine interest & concern for you.
In closing, I say something completely irrelevant. Fuck you Adobe Reader 7. Install yourself onto my primitive PC.
I used to tell you things. Share w/ you my feelings. I used to do the odd, occassional rant in this little box, & I guess that's what I'm doing now. Except not really. This one's more in the life update department. It's not that there's nothing new in my life, though nothing too dramatic is worth noting - or rather, nothing that leaves me distraught enough to put in here, redirecting hostilities to this handy little outlet. It's just that developing a callous as a defensive mechanism makes you more stoic to everything going on around you. Sometimes, that's a bad thing, as shit can tend to build up & weigh you down. These times, you're stubborn & think you're fine. You try not to make a big deal, you shy away from being on anyone's radar, think it's being a good friend not to put a downer on the general mood. But you're a loaded gun, waiting for someone to pull the trigger, & when it happens, you go off at the gunman [or gunwoman], at everyone, & you start to say things you don't want to say, & may not mean. When you lose control, you either blame others for giving you that one last push, or you blame yourself for not choosing option B.
You can take the less selfish approach & excuse yourself, do what you need to get it out of your system, & do so as vigorously as you desire. Take as much time as you need. & once you've rebooted your system & recharged your batteries, rejoin your friends. Whether or not you answer their questions once you return does not necessarily change the outcome, though if you still wish to remain selfless, you can ease their worries & satiate their curiosity by humouring their efforts to show genuine interest & concern for you.
In closing, I say something completely irrelevant. Fuck you Adobe Reader 7. Install yourself onto my primitive PC.