only the dj can make me fall in love
i'm done feeling special in only the fleeting moments. the only fuel is lust and for me it's burning low.. it's a game i love to play because i play it well, and it's one that only lasts for a few hours.
it's amazing feeling to feel and be wanted. it's an empty pit when it's over. there is no cuddling, there is no warm body that stays with you past breakfast if you're lucky. just this awkward tension as you put on your clothes to return to your daytime lives.
i am left in the dew's dreams, only to be set aside as some past instant gratification. a medal on a jacket, a notch on the bedpost.
i suppose i'm generally happy. since i've let go of this freaking saga and getting ready to unpack the emotional baggage of the past 2 and half years, I suppose all the things I need to work on in my life have popped up and probably worsened enough so that i do notice it.
as i've said in my most recent fb status, apparently i'm an ~excellent~ placeholder. a bookmark, if you will. a great highlight to an otherwise mediocre chapter. i'm ready to be someone's library of wonderment and insanity. bring it on, world... i need someone on my level of crazy.
i rock your world for a night.. and then that's it. i'm left in emotional desolation.
i do it because it satisfies me for a while. then the hunger for something more becomes insatiable.
physical rebounds are easy. it's the emotional toil that needs to be tended to now.
alcohol is my poison of choice, but trust me.. my liver has been trained by a nationally ranked university. i've never blacked out or passed out without knowing whose bed or couch i'm laying on. but the fuzzy loosening that comes with a few drinks combined with the beat of a great song that possesses you on the dance floor is just so freeing. again, if only for those few minutes.
i haven't been in a 'normal' relationship since well.. my first serious boyfriend in high school. then two long distance relationships (both in england. sigh.) and of course the most recent whirlwind. of course all highlighted with my own personal dog-eared pages. so in a way i haven't really been able to cultivate my relationship habits too well. i'm working on the jealousy bug and just starting to let things go...
i chase too strongly. need to play more cat and mouse.. but in an effective way that hooks and reels in. i have my flavors of the month but i suppose they all fade in due time. it's frustrating and probably a bit stupid of me to whine about.
i'm young. i'm easy on the eyes and i'm funny. i love recklessly and that gets me in trouble...
lord help the fine young man who crosses my path next.
lately they're just more moths to the flame and burn up quickly. i am the same to them, though, a pretty thing who likes to chat you up and make you laugh. i am more than that fleeting smirk.
i am more than you will ever know.
you can't just drop people in your life... i am sick of it. sure the feelings flood back when i see you, and only god knows what flares up in your mind when you think of me. i feel you can't admit anything but pure selfishness. I would say it's biased, but you can only use people. there is no need for us in your life the way you play. half of me wants to say i love you, good luck. the other wants to say fuck you, don't take anyone else for granted. just look at how many people have stayed in your life. besides family, i'm sure it's less than you can count on one hand. i want you to hurt so hard you wonder if this is what i felt like. yes, this is what it feels like. no one deserves you and who you are at this point in life. you will never change. get with it. i know you. WE know you... lose most of us and you will lose yourself.
it hurts less now because i don't see you as often. i feel that if you move out of state, i will probably never see you again. i told you that.. and somehow, i'm okay with it. maybe this is it. i'm done.
it's amazing feeling to feel and be wanted. it's an empty pit when it's over. there is no cuddling, there is no warm body that stays with you past breakfast if you're lucky. just this awkward tension as you put on your clothes to return to your daytime lives.
i am left in the dew's dreams, only to be set aside as some past instant gratification. a medal on a jacket, a notch on the bedpost.
i suppose i'm generally happy. since i've let go of this freaking saga and getting ready to unpack the emotional baggage of the past 2 and half years, I suppose all the things I need to work on in my life have popped up and probably worsened enough so that i do notice it.
as i've said in my most recent fb status, apparently i'm an ~excellent~ placeholder. a bookmark, if you will. a great highlight to an otherwise mediocre chapter. i'm ready to be someone's library of wonderment and insanity. bring it on, world... i need someone on my level of crazy.
i rock your world for a night.. and then that's it. i'm left in emotional desolation.
i do it because it satisfies me for a while. then the hunger for something more becomes insatiable.
physical rebounds are easy. it's the emotional toil that needs to be tended to now.
alcohol is my poison of choice, but trust me.. my liver has been trained by a nationally ranked university. i've never blacked out or passed out without knowing whose bed or couch i'm laying on. but the fuzzy loosening that comes with a few drinks combined with the beat of a great song that possesses you on the dance floor is just so freeing. again, if only for those few minutes.
i haven't been in a 'normal' relationship since well.. my first serious boyfriend in high school. then two long distance relationships (both in england. sigh.) and of course the most recent whirlwind. of course all highlighted with my own personal dog-eared pages. so in a way i haven't really been able to cultivate my relationship habits too well. i'm working on the jealousy bug and just starting to let things go...
i chase too strongly. need to play more cat and mouse.. but in an effective way that hooks and reels in. i have my flavors of the month but i suppose they all fade in due time. it's frustrating and probably a bit stupid of me to whine about.
i'm young. i'm easy on the eyes and i'm funny. i love recklessly and that gets me in trouble...
lord help the fine young man who crosses my path next.
lately they're just more moths to the flame and burn up quickly. i am the same to them, though, a pretty thing who likes to chat you up and make you laugh. i am more than that fleeting smirk.
i am more than you will ever know.
you can't just drop people in your life... i am sick of it. sure the feelings flood back when i see you, and only god knows what flares up in your mind when you think of me. i feel you can't admit anything but pure selfishness. I would say it's biased, but you can only use people. there is no need for us in your life the way you play. half of me wants to say i love you, good luck. the other wants to say fuck you, don't take anyone else for granted. just look at how many people have stayed in your life. besides family, i'm sure it's less than you can count on one hand. i want you to hurt so hard you wonder if this is what i felt like. yes, this is what it feels like. no one deserves you and who you are at this point in life. you will never change. get with it. i know you. WE know you... lose most of us and you will lose yourself.
it hurts less now because i don't see you as often. i feel that if you move out of state, i will probably never see you again. i told you that.. and somehow, i'm okay with it. maybe this is it. i'm done.