(no subject)
You all may know my name, though it is useless to anyone. Everyone doesn't care. I'm a failure always in parents and friends eyes. For many years I have dreamed of suicide. People always tell me that I need to seek help. But you see, I only needed help from them. A doctor is not someone I trust. He will never be a friend. Friends don't give pap-smears and breast examinations. I'm not sure that it was the world that let me down or myself. I can't stand living locked inside my mind. This mental disease eats away all of my self worth. I'd rather just die. No one cares. There is no mercy, only pity. And they will drown you in it. Encase you in a cage that you will eventually crack away from reality in. Welcome to hell. This isn't a playground for the innocent. This is an execution stage waiting for you to be the one to step up to the metal. If you were born into this hell as a survivor, mind you, even you can not survive the inevitable death that waits for us all.
Tonight I got angry at myself. Tonight I felt pain. And tomorrow the anger will still be there in the scares I've made. Penace for my fuck ups. Penace for who I am. Penace for how I live...inside myself. Under my skin is nothing but rage waiting to rip myself apart. There is no swirling evil, no blood thirsty beast, just a child inside that sits in a corner rocking herself into dull dreams. Pain. It's what is with me always. Seperation. It's what I feel always. Anger. It's who I am.
Now with that said, I think I will embrace my pain and fall away.
"blood spattered the walls, her eyes shown no pain in her death, she met peace in the end, as the knife found her bitter veins, crying out with no remorse but the gasp of the ectasy of the final blow of pain, then she slipped away.."
Tonight I got angry at myself. Tonight I felt pain. And tomorrow the anger will still be there in the scares I've made. Penace for my fuck ups. Penace for who I am. Penace for how I live...inside myself. Under my skin is nothing but rage waiting to rip myself apart. There is no swirling evil, no blood thirsty beast, just a child inside that sits in a corner rocking herself into dull dreams. Pain. It's what is with me always. Seperation. It's what I feel always. Anger. It's who I am.
Now with that said, I think I will embrace my pain and fall away.
"blood spattered the walls, her eyes shown no pain in her death, she met peace in the end, as the knife found her bitter veins, crying out with no remorse but the gasp of the ectasy of the final blow of pain, then she slipped away.."