One of those silly surveys. Read for my sarcastic humor and a few life stories.
One of those silly surveys. Read for my sarcastic humor and a few life stories.
Does it bother you when people beg?
It's rather amusing actually. Tongue hanging out, panting, and those cute "begging paws". I think licking my hand is a bit much, though. Gentleman kissing my hand? Memorable. Begging people licking it? Not so much.
Do you ever eat cookie dough raw?
Answer 1) Do people ever cook this stuff anymore? Answer 2) No Way! I even pluck the bits out of my ice cream, lick them off and torch them at 350 for 8-10 minutes, then put them back in the cone. Working on keeping the ice cream from melting in the meantime.
Are you one of those people who are always cold?
Have you ever seen a shivering walrus? I learned their secret. Of course that hauling yourself around on land with that "insulation" leaves much to be desired.
When was the last time you rode a rollercoaster?
It's been over a decade. I seem to have lost my taste for self-inflicted whiplash. Call me strange.
When was the last time you ate a doughnut?
About 2 months ago, and before that, a few years.
Do you have any plans this summer?
Yes. In August, I plan to traverse the great distance between my recliner and the thermostat, to turn it down further. (See walrus reference.)
Is there someone you wish you were closer to?
Sons' girlfriends.
Do you like hot dogs?
Not really. But they beat out peanut butter (the worst food ever).
Do you have any weird rings?
Bathtub? Hey, that'd make a cool piece of costume jewelry. A finger ring shaped like a bathtub. (I think all this hanging out with balloon artists and clowns is starting to affect me, eh?)
Have any bad addictions?
Do suicidal ideations count as addiction? I'm also pretty afflicted with procrastination and laziness. That's probably why they're only ideations after all this time.
Are you anything like your siblings?
Considering we were separately adopted and share no DNA - nope. And as for nature vs. nurture, we couldn't be more different there either.
When was the last time you shaved your legs?
Considering they're pretty bald, I don't give a darn, and nobody looks at me anyway - the beginning of June, and that should do until next June.
When was the last time you were sick?
I rode out a toothache through to gum abscess and 3 fevers a month ago. Before that, it was years. I'm going to live (to be miserable) forever at this rate.
Are you a fan of Miranda Cosgrove?
I was wondering when this survey would deteriorate to the ridiculous, inane question section. (I seriously had to Google who Miranda Cosgrove was, and even with pics, I still have no idea.)
How many more months until your birthday?
Five. So you still have time for shopping.
Do you like long bike rides?
As long as the hunk in the front of the tandem is doing all the pedalling, and doesn't turn around to check if I'm helping on the hills.
Do you know someone who is blind?
I used to, but they took one look at me on a particularly bad hair day, and keeled over dead. (Seriously, I did have a good friend who was blind, and she used to let me lead her around to appointments. Make sure you watch out when walking between two cars. Those side mirrors are murder - on your friend. Whoops!) Her favorite joke: "Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow? Her dog was blind, too."
Do you have a YouTube account?
Uh....... dunno.
Will next Friday be a good one?
Not if I'm still here.
How many cell phones have you had?
2 in 13 years. The first one lasted 11 years! That's the carefulness that springs out of poverty.
When was the last time something bothered you?
That Miranda Cosgrove question was a little irksome, but I'm trying to rise above it.
When it's your birthday, do you hope it's a good one?
Hell NO! I'm hoping to be lonely, forgotten, dirt-poor, hungry, and unloved. Thanks for that mood-lifter.
Do you ever try free samples at the store?
I keep hoping to find them handing out that new KY Intense. Mmmmm....nutmeg.
Can you speak French or Spanish?
I can sing in four languages that I don't understand. Does this count for anything?
Do you own a pair of yellow socks?
No. But I'm sure most of my friends and acquaintances do. Far too many balloon artists, jugglers, and clowns in my life. (Why do you ask? Do "normal" people tend to own yellow socks?)
What school year do you think will be/was the saddest?
All the years were unspeakably horrible and progressively worse until the first day of high school.
What color is/was your school?
Brown brick, and shaped exceedingly weirdly. NBHS
Do you like boys with long hair?
Not anymore than I like ones who don't wash. They look the same to me. And that Brad Pitt-type stubble look is DISGUSTING ! Not even HE can carry that off !
Have you ever had plum juice?
Another one of these questions vital to our relationship, right? Nope. Have I missed something all that important?
Have you pretended to be someone you're not?
That's insane. I have, however, behaved in a manner inconsistent with my feelings, if that's what you mean. That pretending to be Napoleon, or someone else you're not can get you locked up.
Have you ever passed out?
Almost. Three times. But I never made it all the way to the floor or total unconsciousness. Apparently, I'm too repressed to "let myself loose" like that. ( No Wait ! I do remember once ! How could I forget? I was making balloon animals at a Big Boy restaurant on Saturday morning. I had stayed up almost all night, and decided to take that new medication I was supposed to take overnight anyway, at dawn. Not a good idea. One minute I was sitting on a tall little stool at the counter, wearing my over-colorful-almost-clown clothes, and wearing a huge balloon hat on my head, and the next thing I knew.... fat lady was staring up at the ceiling, balloon still half-made in my hand! How hilarious must THAT have looked?!! Person falls off high stool in a faint. 1 point. Fat person, 2 points. Add clown clothes and balloon hat? PRICELESS ! EPIC ! I say, if you're going to humiliate your fat ass in public, go BIG!
Was today someone's birthday that you know?
Whoa. I'm supposed to remember the birthdays of everyone I know now? Even the ones whose Facebook's don't send me reminders? Dude, I can barely remember my KID'S birthdays! And I seriously have forgotten how old I am TWICE in my life! Went all the way to April thinking I was 49 when I was only 48.
Have you drunk any water today?
Yep. Cat bowl, toilet bowl. Your guess which was tastier. (Feel like asking me any more stupid questions?)
When was the last time you had a crowd at your house?
If you mean more than 3 (Two's company...), it would have to be 1998, the year of the divorce. I pulled off a double birthday party for both sons, who are 2 years apart. Two separate age groups, sleepover, balloon war from the balcony of the 2-story foyer, trampoline, dress-up trunk relays, and everything. But that would be more of a mob than a crowd.
Are you worried about anything right now?
Yess ! Have I stunted my growth by not drinking plum juice all these years? And am I an uncultured hick if I have no idea who that Miranda chick is? Is the reason I don't have any friends because I don't speak Spanish or French, or is it because I don't own any yellow socks? And most importantly, I'm seriously concerned about my absence of mosquito bites. Do they not like me either?
Are you keeping anything from your best friends right now?
Yes. I'm going to kill one of them next Friday. So then, next weekend, you can ask me again the "Will next Friday be a good one?" question, and I'll have a funnier answer. If you're not already one of my best friends, I can add you to the list. But you have to join before next Friday to win that lottery.
Do you currently have any mosquito bites?
No. Once I stopped shaving my legs, and gave away my last pair of yellow socks, they won't have anything to do with me. All that water I've been drinking doesn't seem to help either. But maybe once I solve that no YouTube account dilemma, perhaps......
Have you ever received a speeding ticket?
Yes. And I might have received more if I did my share of pedalling in the back of the tandem bike, right?
Do you have Twitter?
I'm too "pated" for twitter.
If you found out you were pregnant, who would you tell?
The police, because I SO did not consent, and wasn't even conscious. Or a priest or minister. I'm not saying I'm Mary, or something, but strange things have happened before, once anyway.
Is your driveway stone or pavement?
Sigh.... Misses driveway and garage. And basement, and sewing room. That pre-divorce life had some perks.
Do you think it would be cool to have a gummy bear lamp?
Once the cat started licking it, the dust is gonna be a pain to slough off. Do they actually make such a thing? What's it for - people who don't like to eat their small appliances in the dark?
Have you ever caught something on fire?
You mean other than food? A better question for this gal would be, "Have you ever cooked something that didn't catch on fire?" Other than food, at the top of a mountain, far away from nosy eyes, I can become a real pyro. You know what Smoky the Bear really says? "Only you can prevent having to haul that stuff back down the mountain in your backpack."
Do you have pet goats?
Seriously? (Hey, one of the things my mother used to tell me, back in the school days when I was bullied by EVERYONE, was, "Don't let them see they can get your goat." And here I was thinking she meant not to let them bother me. You mean they might actually have stolen my pets, too? Wow, I guess I got away easy with total ostracism and enough bullying to really understand Columbine!)
Do you say "Okay" or "Alright" more?
Haven't you read my previous responses? Do you think there's much that's OK in my life lately?
(Note: The purple text are the truths. In case you hadn't distinguished that.)