High Praise for High Standards
High Praise for High Standards
I got a great validation today during Petey Time.
(Petey Time: My favorite time of day, occuring 2-3 days a week, from 6:11 PM - EST for almost an hour. This is when my older son - guess his name - calls me from Missouri during his boring drive home from work.)
He said that I had really high standards for my sons, and I had no idea of what the typical college male was like. My kneejerk, initial thought was pride, but then I had to check what he meant. Did you mean I was excessive or punitive or unreasonable? His tone of voice was no hint as to what he was getting at. He said I had no concept of that the typical college male these days could and couldn't do, how they'd been raised, abilities/shortcomings/training, etc.
He is approaching an age of wisdom, and ahead of his agemates, as usual, but still.....
How cute is it that he thinks that the “typical college male” (read - drunken, immoral, lazy, selfish slob) is all that different from back in my Jurassic Era? And how funny is it that he thinks I don't know what they're like now, and didn't know them back then? Did he think I walked around in a little protective bubble all my life? Dude, I separate myself from bad elements as quickly as possible, but it doesn't mean I didn't notice them, or that I would need longer exposure to know who is what.
So after that condescending giggle passed in my mind, I turned to what he actually said about me. And about himself. He didn't say I was over the top or unreasonable, but matched up his abilities against “everyone else” he met in college, and (to paraphrase) “They don't know how to do anything !" They can't do laundry, housework, or even respect that they have to do their share of chores in a communal living situation. He has mentioned such before, and the list was longer. The teaching of HOW to do tasks was easy - the instilling the character to be willing to pitch in was much harder. He also now sees this last, and how important it is. He even applies this to the world of work. People can be trained to do almost any task, but only character determines if they will perform a task well when they are unsupervised.
I replied that my intended purpose was less to make them useful, than to ensure that my future daughters-in-law would be grateful. My purpose was to give them the tools to have happy marriages, which is decades of happiness. It's fine to have a division of labor in a family, each giving of their strengths. But it's quite another to have a complete deficit of knowledge of some area of adult homelife. Sure, I expect my boys to be cutting the lawn, and taking out the trash, but they'd better also know how to change a diaper, do grocery shopping, and clean a bathroom. (Especially the bathroom. Unless they'd like to switch to sitting down and stop making such a mess.) They also need to be prepared to handle everything, all of it, for months, and have the character and willingness to do so. It's not unheard of to have a woman put on bedrest for a couple of months, trying to keep the baby in, and who's going to run the home and take charge of the older kids then? It's been pointed out to them that the “in sickness and in health” part includes this scenario, and includes doing all the chores, not just your half. It stinks, but that's what you're vowing.
So.... He's compared himself and his brother to “everyone else” and he's decided he's far superior.
And he's laid all the credit for that at my feet.
See why I so look forward to Petey Time? Wouldn't you love that phone call?
I got a great validation today during Petey Time.
(Petey Time: My favorite time of day, occuring 2-3 days a week, from 6:11 PM - EST for almost an hour. This is when my older son - guess his name - calls me from Missouri during his boring drive home from work.)
He said that I had really high standards for my sons, and I had no idea of what the typical college male was like. My kneejerk, initial thought was pride, but then I had to check what he meant. Did you mean I was excessive or punitive or unreasonable? His tone of voice was no hint as to what he was getting at. He said I had no concept of that the typical college male these days could and couldn't do, how they'd been raised, abilities/shortcomings/training, etc.
He is approaching an age of wisdom, and ahead of his agemates, as usual, but still.....
How cute is it that he thinks that the “typical college male” (read - drunken, immoral, lazy, selfish slob) is all that different from back in my Jurassic Era? And how funny is it that he thinks I don't know what they're like now, and didn't know them back then? Did he think I walked around in a little protective bubble all my life? Dude, I separate myself from bad elements as quickly as possible, but it doesn't mean I didn't notice them, or that I would need longer exposure to know who is what.
So after that condescending giggle passed in my mind, I turned to what he actually said about me. And about himself. He didn't say I was over the top or unreasonable, but matched up his abilities against “everyone else” he met in college, and (to paraphrase) “They don't know how to do anything !" They can't do laundry, housework, or even respect that they have to do their share of chores in a communal living situation. He has mentioned such before, and the list was longer. The teaching of HOW to do tasks was easy - the instilling the character to be willing to pitch in was much harder. He also now sees this last, and how important it is. He even applies this to the world of work. People can be trained to do almost any task, but only character determines if they will perform a task well when they are unsupervised.
I replied that my intended purpose was less to make them useful, than to ensure that my future daughters-in-law would be grateful. My purpose was to give them the tools to have happy marriages, which is decades of happiness. It's fine to have a division of labor in a family, each giving of their strengths. But it's quite another to have a complete deficit of knowledge of some area of adult homelife. Sure, I expect my boys to be cutting the lawn, and taking out the trash, but they'd better also know how to change a diaper, do grocery shopping, and clean a bathroom. (Especially the bathroom. Unless they'd like to switch to sitting down and stop making such a mess.) They also need to be prepared to handle everything, all of it, for months, and have the character and willingness to do so. It's not unheard of to have a woman put on bedrest for a couple of months, trying to keep the baby in, and who's going to run the home and take charge of the older kids then? It's been pointed out to them that the “in sickness and in health” part includes this scenario, and includes doing all the chores, not just your half. It stinks, but that's what you're vowing.
So.... He's compared himself and his brother to “everyone else” and he's decided he's far superior.
And he's laid all the credit for that at my feet.
See why I so look forward to Petey Time? Wouldn't you love that phone call?