The Number of Christians Needed to Change a Light Bulb
The Number of Christians Needed to Change a Light Bulb
BAPTISTS: At least fifteen. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
LUTHERANS: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
AMISH: What's a light bulb?
CHARISMATIC: Only one. Hands are already in the air.
PENTECOSTALS: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
PRESBYTERIANS: None. Lights will go off and on at predestined times.
ROMAN CATHOLICS: None. Candles only.
EPISCOPALIANS: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
NAZARENES: Six. One woman to replace the bulb, while five men review church lighting policy.
MORMONS: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
UNITARIANS: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a bulb. However, if in your journey you have found light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
METHODISTS: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.