I guess I got schooled
I guess I got schooled
My son, Petey, called me today. I'm finding out that the worst part of talking on the phone with him is the laughter - the nearly constant laughter! Uh...what? How could that be a problem, you ask? Well, it takes up TIME, you see. If I managed to not laugh, there'd be time for more lessons and time for even more hilarity! I end up regretting the seconds spent unable to hear, unable to talk, heck...unable to BREATHE ! That kid is hilarious !
The other bad part of phone calls with him is that the medium is just like great music. The second it's over, it's OVER. :-( It's not like visual art, or the written word. I just told you above that he's hilarious, but it's only been 5 minutes since he called, and I have NO idea what was so funny !
A good phone call often leaves me with getting some questions answered or learning a new technique or new technology, or insight into another part of life. And often leaves me with “HOMEWORK” to do also, either to avoid having to ask the next level of a subject, or to avoid bugging him altogether with constant ignorance (a major strain, since compared to him, nearly everyone is an idiot). That, and if I have to clutter up the next phone call with more questions, I get fewer seconds of pure hilarity !
Now that he's on the other side of the “tude” that went with adolescence, I would LOVE to live with him every day. Oh, why couldn't I have married HIM, instead of his FATHER? (Gee, that sounds Oedipal, doesn't it?) Can you imagine the responses I'd get if I put on my Facebook page, “If you want the perfect husband, you have to give birth to him and raise him yourself!”? Hmmm, just the sort of social experiment I'd enjoy - I mean posting it on Facebook, not the marrying my kid. Definitely designed to be posted on your alternate Facebook ID, though, LOL.
At the end of a good phone call with Petey, I try to make notes on what I learned, and what I have to look up for “homework”.
Today's topics included:
>>> Hilarious, but effective ways to retrain a friend who always prefaces a conversation with an annoying line like, “Guess what I saw Friday night.” A good way to stop someone from constantly interrupting or hogging the entire conversation - How to show them they're being a jerk, without getting your face smashed. And Hey!...at the end part of his "retraining of annoying people segment", I think I got schooled ! I'll tell you about this at the end of this blog entry.
>>> “Sohcahtoa”, which is NOT another volcano in Indonesia, but a mnemonic for some complicated math rules (went in one ear and out the other - and happily gone, too)
>>> Algorithm, which really messes up one's ability to remember how to spell the other “rhythm”. Doesn't this kid realize I was a MUSIC major? I can only count to four - and I LIKE it that way. He taught what was the basic difference between an algorithm and a “formula”. It was actually making sense there for awhile, but like the good music, gone in a poof once the sound was gone.
So I went over to the Wikipedia article on “algorithms”, knowing I was going to hate it. But learning new, difficult concepts is “brain exercise” and good for preventing Alzheimer's. I'm not all that fond of crossword puzzles, and if I'm going to use such a thing just to stretch my brain, why not actually LEARN something in the process, right? So I scrolled down the page, down, down, down, and it was a LOT worse than I was expecting. I have forced myself to read such difficulties at times, just to prove to myself (or that one of my “selves” who isn't perfectly contented with being an idiot, like the others have mellowed out to be - that one restless “self” that still thinks I need to prove myself to my selves now and then) that I could still slog through something like that. Skimming the page, I decided even that restless Self doesn't hate all the other selves THAT much, and went with the philosophy that “Ignorance is Bliss”. In the case of Algorithms vs. the Mathophobic Music Major, ignorance is sheer pleasure ! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Algorithm
I've seen Alzheimer's up close, and it'd be preferable to that mathematical monstrosity!
Or given my luck, I'd struggle through gaining a working understanding of that drivel, and STILL end up with Alzheimer's. I'd forget it anyway, so what's the point? Again, with my bad luck, just the MATH would stay in there, and all the normal memories would go kaput ! The caregivers would think I only spoke gibberish ! And I know what caliber of people the average caregiver tends to be. Trust me, they'd think “Algo-rithm” is a local band.
One website said this:
algorithm - http://whatis.techtarget.com/definition/0,,sid9_gci211545,00.html
An algorithm (pronounced AL-go-rith-um) is a procedure or formula for solving a problem. The word derives from the name of the mathematician, Mohammed ibn-Musa al-Khwarizmi, who was part of the royal court in Baghdad and who lived from about 780 to 850. Al-Khwarizmi's work is the likely source for the word algebra as well. A computer program can be viewed as an elaborate algorithm. In mathematics and computer science, an algorithm usually means a small procedure that solves a recurrent problem.
Call me stupid, but just HOW do you get “algorithm” from “Mohammed ibn-Musa al-Khwarizmi”? I know few people are gifted both with numbers and words (like my annoying son), but even given dyslexia and a keg of beer, how the heck do you get “algorithm” out of that? I could see “moimuskwar”, or something. (And don't call me stupid. It's derogatory. We prefer “imbecile” nowadays. More PC, particularly if you add a snotty French accent.)
Other things I learned:
>>> “Instant” in Google Chrome: He asked me if I was using Google Chrome as my internet browser - but of course! Months ago, he forbade me to use my favorite Mozilla Firefox anymore - after forcibly weaning me onto it in the first place (!) and earlier forbidding (with a great scoff) Internet Explorer. He showed me how to enable this “instant” feature with Chrome, where now I just have to start typing one of my common websites, and it doesn't just suggest the rest of the typing... BAM! It's gone right to that website ! Now that's the kind of service I like. (I still miss full-service gas stations, but have learned to never mention it to anyone under 40 while they're out there freezing their ears off pumping gas into cars that actually RUN. The under-40 crowd looks at me like I have three heads, and their eyes glaze over like I'm about to launch into stories about the Great Depression.)
>>> Trumpets are significantly easier to carry and support without their mouthpieces. Okayyyyy.... Uh, how many teeny ounces does a trumpet mouthpiece weigh anyway? I need to look this up now, just for me. (That little wimp should have to contend with a very unladylike Tenor Saxophone!) This discussion brought up a few hilarious stories, some of which began with the now-obligatory “This one time...at band camp....” I know one thing... either times have changed drastically from one generation to another, or trumpet players are the crazy ones my father should have warned me about, not drummers.
Back in my days of band camp, we didn't have weird rites of passage involving Gold Bond powder. (Ask me, if you dare. Actually... ask me if you'd like to know....try it if you dare.)
>>> I also learned about CNET.com, a techie website I'll have to plow through later, in an attempt to understand what I'm supposed to be ordering from NewEgg.com.
>>> http://www.cnet.com/ - “CNET is the premier destination for tech product reviews, news, price comparisons, free software downloads, daily videos, and podcasts.”
>>> http://www.newegg.com/ - “Newegg.com offers the best prices on computer products, laptop computers, LED LCD TVs, digital cameras, electronics, unlocked phones, office supplies, ...”
Neither of these websites look like a fun read. Sigh.... When is that kid going to get it through his thick head that his mother has a thick head? Dense is a more accurate word. I can't WAIT until I reach whatever is the magical age where he will just do such tasks for me, having given up hope of the elderly old geezer ever being able to grasp such concepts. I'm doing my best the past few years to give the impression of being hopelessly stupid and completely untrainable, but so far, I have no talent in that area either. (Sigh...No talent in music, no talent in art or quilting, none in dance, none in business, not in balloon art, nothing! Now I find out I can't even carry off “STUPID” with any degree of success ! What does this make me? Twice as stupid? Or half as stupid? You do the math, I'm “stupid”- or trying really hard to be.)
>>> I also have to look up/locate some principle in marketing. Some concept that's always uses a few wristwatches to describe it. Any idea?
>>> During our discussion of music and marching band, he gave a hilarious bit of impromptu standup on the idiocy of some sections of the band, compared to the trumpet section. What do I mean, “some sections”? He means ALL sections, of course. But his fallback position, for the dumbest of the dumb, was cymbal players. He asked me if I knew what they do to a really bad, really stupid cymbal player.... Give him only ONE ! What exactly IS the sound of only one cymbal ? Whoosh ? What's the exact sound of a large metal Frisbee ? Is there an algorithm to help determine this?
>>> So as the conversation was winding up (all too soon for my taste, of course), somehow we got onto the subject of the calendar, holidays, etc. I had recently determined that I was going to have to start looking at the calendar weeks in advance to “tune up” something still lacking in both my sons. In my opinion, they're not very good “boyfriends”. I mentioned for example, that Petey's girlfriend left everything, and moved down to (wait for it... try not to chuckle) MISSOURI with him recently, giving up friends, family, job, everything. And he couldn't even remember ♥ Valentine's Day ♥ ! Gave some lame excuse like “She knows I love her, anyway.” And he thinks this is a NEW concept, thought of only by HIM (as opposed to 98% of all males throughout history)! The boy's a genius, but he's really a moron sometimes. So when I brought this up (for the second time - the first time was the day after V-day), he said, “Am I going to have to pretend my cell phone is running out of batteries again? and "I'm going into a tunnel, you're breaking up....kkkshsshhshshs” It took a couple more sentences than this, and during it, I was wondering... “ Hey! He's given that battery line a few times. What was I talking about at those times? Were they all excuse lines/lies to get off the phone whenever he didn't want to hear something?” And just about the time I formulated this thought -- at the same time as laughing at his funny presentation of this “warning”..... I realized.
I was the ONLY ONE ON THE PHONE !
“Oh, you little.......!”
~ ~ ~ ~
My son, Petey, called me today. I'm finding out that the worst part of talking on the phone with him is the laughter - the nearly constant laughter! Uh...what? How could that be a problem, you ask? Well, it takes up TIME, you see. If I managed to not laugh, there'd be time for more lessons and time for even more hilarity! I end up regretting the seconds spent unable to hear, unable to talk, heck...unable to BREATHE ! That kid is hilarious !
The other bad part of phone calls with him is that the medium is just like great music. The second it's over, it's OVER. :-( It's not like visual art, or the written word. I just told you above that he's hilarious, but it's only been 5 minutes since he called, and I have NO idea what was so funny !
A good phone call often leaves me with getting some questions answered or learning a new technique or new technology, or insight into another part of life. And often leaves me with “HOMEWORK” to do also, either to avoid having to ask the next level of a subject, or to avoid bugging him altogether with constant ignorance (a major strain, since compared to him, nearly everyone is an idiot). That, and if I have to clutter up the next phone call with more questions, I get fewer seconds of pure hilarity !
Now that he's on the other side of the “tude” that went with adolescence, I would LOVE to live with him every day. Oh, why couldn't I have married HIM, instead of his FATHER? (Gee, that sounds Oedipal, doesn't it?) Can you imagine the responses I'd get if I put on my Facebook page, “If you want the perfect husband, you have to give birth to him and raise him yourself!”? Hmmm, just the sort of social experiment I'd enjoy - I mean posting it on Facebook, not the marrying my kid. Definitely designed to be posted on your alternate Facebook ID, though, LOL.
At the end of a good phone call with Petey, I try to make notes on what I learned, and what I have to look up for “homework”.
Today's topics included:
>>> Hilarious, but effective ways to retrain a friend who always prefaces a conversation with an annoying line like, “Guess what I saw Friday night.” A good way to stop someone from constantly interrupting or hogging the entire conversation - How to show them they're being a jerk, without getting your face smashed. And Hey!...at the end part of his "retraining of annoying people segment", I think I got schooled ! I'll tell you about this at the end of this blog entry.
>>> “Sohcahtoa”, which is NOT another volcano in Indonesia, but a mnemonic for some complicated math rules (went in one ear and out the other - and happily gone, too)
>>> Algorithm, which really messes up one's ability to remember how to spell the other “rhythm”. Doesn't this kid realize I was a MUSIC major? I can only count to four - and I LIKE it that way. He taught what was the basic difference between an algorithm and a “formula”. It was actually making sense there for awhile, but like the good music, gone in a poof once the sound was gone.
So I went over to the Wikipedia article on “algorithms”, knowing I was going to hate it. But learning new, difficult concepts is “brain exercise” and good for preventing Alzheimer's. I'm not all that fond of crossword puzzles, and if I'm going to use such a thing just to stretch my brain, why not actually LEARN something in the process, right? So I scrolled down the page, down, down, down, and it was a LOT worse than I was expecting. I have forced myself to read such difficulties at times, just to prove to myself (or that one of my “selves” who isn't perfectly contented with being an idiot, like the others have mellowed out to be - that one restless “self” that still thinks I need to prove myself to my selves now and then) that I could still slog through something like that. Skimming the page, I decided even that restless Self doesn't hate all the other selves THAT much, and went with the philosophy that “Ignorance is Bliss”. In the case of Algorithms vs. the Mathophobic Music Major, ignorance is sheer pleasure ! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Algorithm
I've seen Alzheimer's up close, and it'd be preferable to that mathematical monstrosity!
Or given my luck, I'd struggle through gaining a working understanding of that drivel, and STILL end up with Alzheimer's. I'd forget it anyway, so what's the point? Again, with my bad luck, just the MATH would stay in there, and all the normal memories would go kaput ! The caregivers would think I only spoke gibberish ! And I know what caliber of people the average caregiver tends to be. Trust me, they'd think “Algo-rithm” is a local band.
One website said this:
algorithm - http://whatis.techtarget.com/definition/0,,sid9_gci211545,00.html
An algorithm (pronounced AL-go-rith-um) is a procedure or formula for solving a problem. The word derives from the name of the mathematician, Mohammed ibn-Musa al-Khwarizmi, who was part of the royal court in Baghdad and who lived from about 780 to 850. Al-Khwarizmi's work is the likely source for the word algebra as well. A computer program can be viewed as an elaborate algorithm. In mathematics and computer science, an algorithm usually means a small procedure that solves a recurrent problem.
Call me stupid, but just HOW do you get “algorithm” from “Mohammed ibn-Musa al-Khwarizmi”? I know few people are gifted both with numbers and words (like my annoying son), but even given dyslexia and a keg of beer, how the heck do you get “algorithm” out of that? I could see “moimuskwar”, or something. (And don't call me stupid. It's derogatory. We prefer “imbecile” nowadays. More PC, particularly if you add a snotty French accent.)
Other things I learned:
>>> “Instant” in Google Chrome: He asked me if I was using Google Chrome as my internet browser - but of course! Months ago, he forbade me to use my favorite Mozilla Firefox anymore - after forcibly weaning me onto it in the first place (!) and earlier forbidding (with a great scoff) Internet Explorer. He showed me how to enable this “instant” feature with Chrome, where now I just have to start typing one of my common websites, and it doesn't just suggest the rest of the typing... BAM! It's gone right to that website ! Now that's the kind of service I like. (I still miss full-service gas stations, but have learned to never mention it to anyone under 40 while they're out there freezing their ears off pumping gas into cars that actually RUN. The under-40 crowd looks at me like I have three heads, and their eyes glaze over like I'm about to launch into stories about the Great Depression.)
>>> Trumpets are significantly easier to carry and support without their mouthpieces. Okayyyyy.... Uh, how many teeny ounces does a trumpet mouthpiece weigh anyway? I need to look this up now, just for me. (That little wimp should have to contend with a very unladylike Tenor Saxophone!) This discussion brought up a few hilarious stories, some of which began with the now-obligatory “This one time...at band camp....” I know one thing... either times have changed drastically from one generation to another, or trumpet players are the crazy ones my father should have warned me about, not drummers.
Back in my days of band camp, we didn't have weird rites of passage involving Gold Bond powder. (Ask me, if you dare. Actually... ask me if you'd like to know....try it if you dare.)
>>> I also learned about CNET.com, a techie website I'll have to plow through later, in an attempt to understand what I'm supposed to be ordering from NewEgg.com.
>>> http://www.cnet.com/ - “CNET is the premier destination for tech product reviews, news, price comparisons, free software downloads, daily videos, and podcasts.”
>>> http://www.newegg.com/ - “Newegg.com offers the best prices on computer products, laptop computers, LED LCD TVs, digital cameras, electronics, unlocked phones, office supplies, ...”
Neither of these websites look like a fun read. Sigh.... When is that kid going to get it through his thick head that his mother has a thick head? Dense is a more accurate word. I can't WAIT until I reach whatever is the magical age where he will just do such tasks for me, having given up hope of the elderly old geezer ever being able to grasp such concepts. I'm doing my best the past few years to give the impression of being hopelessly stupid and completely untrainable, but so far, I have no talent in that area either. (Sigh...No talent in music, no talent in art or quilting, none in dance, none in business, not in balloon art, nothing! Now I find out I can't even carry off “STUPID” with any degree of success ! What does this make me? Twice as stupid? Or half as stupid? You do the math, I'm “stupid”- or trying really hard to be.)
>>> I also have to look up/locate some principle in marketing. Some concept that's always uses a few wristwatches to describe it. Any idea?
>>> During our discussion of music and marching band, he gave a hilarious bit of impromptu standup on the idiocy of some sections of the band, compared to the trumpet section. What do I mean, “some sections”? He means ALL sections, of course. But his fallback position, for the dumbest of the dumb, was cymbal players. He asked me if I knew what they do to a really bad, really stupid cymbal player.... Give him only ONE ! What exactly IS the sound of only one cymbal ? Whoosh ? What's the exact sound of a large metal Frisbee ? Is there an algorithm to help determine this?
>>> So as the conversation was winding up (all too soon for my taste, of course), somehow we got onto the subject of the calendar, holidays, etc. I had recently determined that I was going to have to start looking at the calendar weeks in advance to “tune up” something still lacking in both my sons. In my opinion, they're not very good “boyfriends”. I mentioned for example, that Petey's girlfriend left everything, and moved down to (wait for it... try not to chuckle) MISSOURI with him recently, giving up friends, family, job, everything. And he couldn't even remember ♥ Valentine's Day ♥ ! Gave some lame excuse like “She knows I love her, anyway.” And he thinks this is a NEW concept, thought of only by HIM (as opposed to 98% of all males throughout history)! The boy's a genius, but he's really a moron sometimes. So when I brought this up (for the second time - the first time was the day after V-day), he said, “Am I going to have to pretend my cell phone is running out of batteries again? and "I'm going into a tunnel, you're breaking up....kkkshsshhshshs” It took a couple more sentences than this, and during it, I was wondering... “ Hey! He's given that battery line a few times. What was I talking about at those times? Were they all excuse lines/lies to get off the phone whenever he didn't want to hear something?” And just about the time I formulated this thought -- at the same time as laughing at his funny presentation of this “warning”..... I realized.
I was the ONLY ONE ON THE PHONE !
“Oh, you little.......!”
~ ~ ~ ~