the very fact that you have these crises is proof enough that you're an intellectual. if it's any comfort at all, know that i often feel similarly, especially concerning the attempt to find a perfect mate. i have extremely high standards but at the same time i realize i probably wouldn't be good enough for these prospective partners.
as far as inspiration and originality of ideas go, i lost hope on that long ago. obviously i don't roleplay anymore (i don't think i was terribly good at it in the first place) and i haven't written anything in ages. my lack of confidence in my skill kills both activities for me.
i can't criticize you for overthinking the situation either. i do it too. i personally don't label myself as an intellectual anymore, as it no longer feels right. the older i get, the less intelligent i feel. i suppose some good things have come of it; i'm no longer as pretentious and elitist as i once was, but i feel like my brain is shutting down. i'm not exercising it, so it's weakening.
er, anyway, sorry for the tl;dr but your entry made me think about a few things i usually don't bother considering.
as far as inspiration and originality of ideas go, i lost hope on that long ago. obviously i don't roleplay anymore (i don't think i was terribly good at it in the first place) and i haven't written anything in ages. my lack of confidence in my skill kills both activities for me.
i can't criticize you for overthinking the situation either. i do it too. i personally don't label myself as an intellectual anymore, as it no longer feels right. the older i get, the less intelligent i feel. i suppose some good things have come of it; i'm no longer as pretentious and elitist as i once was, but i feel like my brain is shutting down. i'm not exercising it, so it's weakening.
er, anyway, sorry for the tl;dr but your entry made me think about a few things i usually don't bother considering.
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