Without shadow, nothing : Chapter VIII
Disclaimer:If we were to own Cloud and Leon, they would've had a lot more screen time in Kingdom Hearts. Alas, we don't.
The song isn't ours either, even if the lyrics fit. It's belongs to Sevendust and it's called Feed.
Beta: Azrax (Thank you, dear. We were quite worried about this chapter, but you read it anyway (and lived to tell the tale). Thankies.)
A/N (Anae): ...Okay, I'm repeating myself, but Cloud, I truly am sorry.
*glares Leon* See now why you should play nice? So how about starting to pick the pieces you shattered?
Thanks for comments and see you in next chapter!
A/N (Quotiety): What should I say. We all need comfort from time to time. Cloud just seems to crave comfort of a different kind. I'm just not sure whether I should be glad about Leon offering it to him or not.
Leon, you better start mending what you've torn apart.
In the mean time, please keep reading! C :
Chapter VIII: Four letter word
Pity is a four letter word
and so is quit.
And so is left,
but I'm right where you wanted me.
The sun was long gone, having disappeared into the horizon as Leon returned to his room. He'd made it a habit to train as much as possible during the past few days, from the earliest minutes of morning into the dead of night. He had nothing else to do, after all, so why not put the time to good use? It wasn't like someone would've been waiting for him or wanted his company, so he had all the time he needed.
Leon had refused to think about what had taken place just a few days ago. The discussion with Cloud was like a bad dream, haunting him, constantly present in the back of his mind, but Leon refused to let it take over. He trained constantly, kept himself focused and alert, and when he didn't train, he slept, giving his body the rest it desperately needed.
Leon was aware of how pathetic his behavior was, but he had no choice if he wanted to avoid the regret and hurt that were cradled somewhere within him. He hadn't seen Cloud during the past few days, which he was grateful for. He wasn't sure he'd manage such a confrontation.
Returning to his quarters, Leon did what he always did. He stretched his sore muscles, but the act didn't ease his ache. He showered and cleansed himself, but the warm water didn't make him relax. It wasn't until he sat down and pulled forth his gunblade that he got his daily salvation. Cleaning and maintaining his weapon was the only thing that allowed Leon to forget about everything else and reach a place where nothing disturbed him. As he polished the blade, erasing every smudge the daily battles had caused, Leon acquired peace of mind.
His peace was broken, however, when there was a knock on the door. A frown crossed Leon's features as he glanced towards the sound, quickly deciding to ignore it. But when the knock echoed through the room again, Leon sighed and put his gunblade aside, abandoning his enjoyable routine.
"What?" Leon barked as he opened the door, not even bothering to check who it was before he spoke. "I'm busy."
Leon was utterly shocked to see the man as he opened the door. His first feeling seeing the blonde swordsman in front of him was a rush of panic through his veins. He didn't know what to say, what to do - hell, he didn't even know why Cloud was here, after all he had said. A memory of those angry words he had spat out, meaning nothing but harm, made him feel bad.
The brunette didn't have the time to dwell in regret for long. Cloud's hand reached for his neck and pulled him into kiss. Leon was too surprised to do anything - his mind refused to co-operate.
In one moment, they were half-way outside and in the next, they were inside the room, the door kicked shut behind them. Leon's neighbors would probably kill him for that, but now he had something else to think of; Cloud's lips on his and a warm body pressed against him.
Cloud ended the kiss as quickly as it had started, but neither his hands nor his body left Leon's. Instead, he just spoke to his ear, voice leaking emotions.
"Fuck me."
Leon was dumbfounded. Cloud had appeared on his doorstep voluntarily and - without even explaining anything - offered himself to the older fighter. What was going on? Leon managed to lean away from Cloud's demanding embrace, getting a look at the blond's face. His eyes were tinted red, dark shadows cast onto his usually handsome features. He looked tired and worn out, and in his look, fear danced around the edges of lust and passion.
"Cloud." Leon's voice came out breathless and longing, and the brunette cursed himself for that. He didn't pull away from the other man, his hands securely resting on Cloud's back, but he didn't delve in for a second kiss. His brow was furrowed in deep thought, his mind scrambled, his feelings battling between pleasure and regret. "What is this?"
Cloud shook his head, blond locks dancing around.
"Don't." He quietly pleaded, hand sneaking down, touching hardened flesh through the leather.
Leon wanted to give in. It was a terrible temptation and so hard to resist, because Cloud was right there, clearly wanton and willing, and somehow past their previous fight. Had Leon been any less bothered by it all, he would've just allowed himself to forget everything else and given the blond fighter what he so seemed to need.
But it nagged at Leon, the sudden change in Cloud's behaviour, and the man's looks. As he leaned in for another kiss, this time actually responding to the lips that so hungrily met his, he gave Cloud a small push, leading the blond backwards. With simple guidance, it was easy to pin Cloud to the wall and pull back from their kiss.
"I asked you a question." Leon's voice was something akin to a growl, low and demanding as he eyed Cloud with a troubled, dark expression. Something wasn't right. He'd hurt Cloud enormously a few days ago, but now the fighter was crawling back to him. That didn't fit into the picture. "Now give me an answer."
Leon didn't expect Cloud to give in - he did remember how much he had had to push the blonde before getting the answers he wanted. This time, however, was different, he realized as Cloud turned his head to the side, looking at the floor with pained a expression.
"I…" Cloud stumbled. "I want to forget. Even- Even if it's just for a short moment, I don't want to think." Those blue eyes, reflecting the memories of something truly horrible, met the grey ones with great uncertainty. "Please."
Leon felt like he would've been holding the most fragile being on earth. The strong warrior, the man he'd occasionally even feared on the battle field, was breaking in his hands. Cloud was clinging to him for dear life, like a drowning man does to a helping hand. For the first time, Leon actually saw Cloud as the younger one out of the two of them - for a moment, he was supporting a youngster, who didn't quite know how to stand on his own.
The image disappeared quickly when Leon faced the pleads Cloud offered him. The blonde was running from something, something that lived in his panicked look, in his fearful behaviour. The man in his arms had survived more than many experienced men could endure. He was Leon's equal in all ways.
And that was how he ought to be treated. Leon's expression softened as he looked at Cloud, his hand coming up to push a stray strand of fair hair to the side. Their eyes met as the brunette's battle-roughened fingers brushed over the smooth skin of Cloud's cheek and once again, they shared a silent understanding they both had longed for, but not dared to vocalize.
"Alright." Leon murmured as he pulled Cloud away from the cold, unforgiving wall and against his own, welcoming body. "Alright."
Leon felt Cloud melting into his embrace, the stiffened muscles relaxing just a little. His fingers played with blonde hair, his lips finding the other fighter's. Leon's plan was to make the younger warrior feel comfortable and most of all, safe, thus treating him with tenderness. Because, really, no matter how equal the two of them were, right now Cloud needed support.
That was why he was surprised when Cloud ended the kiss to speak.
"Don't be gentle with me." It wasn't an order, but it wasn't a plea either. "I… Want it to hurt."
It took a moment for Leon to comprehend what Cloud was saying. He wanted pain? Why? Was Cloud punishing himself for something? Leon wanted to give the blonde pleasure, not pain. Was that how Cloud saw him - as someone who only had pain to offer? Leon didn't want to leave such an impression.
Cloud's expression, however, made Leon stop his questioning. He had never seen Cloud this open, this unguarded. The blonde was asking him for something he couldn't ask of anyone else - it might not have been something he wanted to ask for, but he seemed to need it. Who was Leon to deny such a request in this situation?
He didn't speak. He wasn't capable of cruel words anymore, not when he'd already given all of them to Cloud earlier. Instead, he forced the fighter down onto the bed with a rough push and followed suit. The kiss Leon offered to the blonde was definitely not gentle - it was full of pulling teeth and aggressive nips, and when his hands found Cloud's body, his caresses were harsh and demanding.
Still, a small patch of insecurity fluttered in Leon's chest and he pulled back for a moment to catch his breath. Beneath him, Cloud looked so vulnerable that it almost pained Leon to see him in such a state.
"Is this what you want?" He asked, his voice hoarse. He needed reassurance of some kind - he didn't want to hurt Cloud for no reason. Again.
The answer he got was a smile. An actual smile. It was pained and brittle, but it was there.
"You can't do anything to me I don't want to." Cloud answered, reminding Leon of the time Phil locked them up to make sure the two fighters would make a deal. A deal that had led to this.
It went without saying that Leon didn't feel right. He didn't want to hurt Cloud - the man had gone through enough pain without him adding any more to it - and the blonde's answer didn't give him much reassurance. Then Cloud's lips were on his, hips bucking against him, demanding more. Leon had to make his decision.
It felt inhuman. As he dug his nails into Cloud's flesh and bit down onto the blonde's shoulder, Leon felt a rush of guilt. He soothed the bite mark with soft kisses, but he quickly came to notice what Cloud wanted. Every scratch got him a quiet groan, every bite a strong shudder. The gentle kisses, however, and the soothing strokes gave him nothing but a silent, still body beneath his.
From there on, it was easier. Cloud encouraged him every time he treated the man roughly. Leon had never seen the fighter as open as he was right there and then. It felt wrong to cause pain, but when Cloud clearly enjoyed every ounce, Leon could live with it. Could live with himself, even if it meant hurting Cloud with every single one of his touches.
They lost the track of time. Leon lost count on how many bite marks he left onto the pale skin. He didn't know how many times he made Cloud cry out with a demand of more as he roughly stroked him, all of his touches almost cruelly harsh. And Cloud drank it all up, needily, greedily, clawing at Leon's back, leaving angry, red welts behind. It was a passion Leon had never faced before, strong, dark and dangerous, and once he managed to push aside his constant guilt of hurting the blonde, he hungered for it more and more.
The image had probably been burned into his mind and would stay there for as long as he lived. Cloud, on all fours, Leon's hand deep in those blonde spikes, holding his head down. The fighter was crying out constantly, not at all his quiet, usual self. Tears were running down his cheeks - tears that would make Leon feel terrible in the morning - but he was achingly hard and pushing back against each and every one of Leon's thrusts. Cloud's fingers were knotted into the sheets, his back blooming with red marks of Leon's doing. There was something about the curve of Cloud's spine, the angle of his neck and the quivering of his thighs that made Leon want to keep that moment to himself for all eternity.
Like every moment, however, it passed. The gunblader found his release to be equally rough as their coupling, his fingers leaving bruises onto Cloud's hips - unintentionally, this time. The raw scream that echoed in the small room at Cloud's own climax rang in Leon's ears for minutes, and he tucked it away into his memory, not quite believing that the sound had actually come out of the blonde's mouth. The silent soldier had lost his facade and now Cloud was but a panting mess on his bed, broken, open and bleeding.