Once a hero
Title: Once a hero [always a hero]
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: In case you don't know how Crisis Core ends, don't read.
Disclaimer: I'd love nothing more than to say that I own these boys, but unfortunately, Square Enix holds their leash. : < I don't even own the song, 'cause that one goes to Mariah Carey.
Summary: Being a hero isn't an easy job, but Zack can do it. Even if it means sacrificing a few things.
A/N: There are no words to describe how hard it was to play through the final moments of Crisis Core. This is the result of watching that ending over and over again and reflecting upon how unfair the whole thing is. Now I've had enough of crying for months to come.
Special thanks to: Anae-chan, who was merciful enough to warn be about the ending before I actually played it. I don't think I would've survived if I hadn't known what to expect. She was also patient enough to listen to my whining when I just kept crying over it all. And awesome enough to want to read this. A very deep bow, a grand thankyou and huge amounts of respect to you.
Once a hero
There's a hero
if you look inside your heart.
You don't have to be afraid
of what you are.
"Hey, you're pretty tough, aren't you? Don't worry, everything will be just fine."
It had been three days. Three days of constant movement, continuous escaping. Three entire days, but now they could take a moment to rest. Just a moment, however, because they needed to be on the move before the sun rose and revealed the footprints they had left behind. There was no time to create a diversion. They were running for their lives. They hadn't slept nearly enough, but Zack never stopped smiling.
"Here, have some. I know it's not the best, but it's better than nothing. I'll treat you to something real fancy when we get back, I promise."
It shouldn't even have classified as food, but it was all they had. In the end, it didn't really matter, because it was everything Cloud could eat. The soft, porridge-like substance dropped and dribbled over the blonde's chin, because he refused to chew. The food went down with some water, but it left a gruesome mess behind each time. Zack never stopped feeding the weak infantryman.
"You'll become a SOLDIER one day, let me tell you. You've got what it takes. Just look at what you've been through!"
There was never a reaction to anything that happened. Cloud remained catatonic, sitting in a slouched position where he was left, staring at whatever happened to be in front of him. He didn't speak, he didn't move, he didn't blink. After a while, his eyes started to water due to the draught. It almost looked like Cloud would've been crying, if his face hadn't been void of all emotion. Zack always dried his tears.
"It's okay. We'll make it out of here."
There's an answer
if you reach into your soul.
And the sorrow that you know
will melt away.
"I'm not even sure if you can hear me. If you can, then I'm sorry if I'm boring to listen to. Can't really choose your company right now, kiddo."
When the tiny fire he had dared to make cast its weak, flickering light onto Cloud's face, Zack could've sworn that the eyes focused onto the movement and showed clear signs of comprehension. These eyes weren't slightly tinted with the artificial brightness of mako; they were drowning in it, covered by the overdose the poor boy's body had suffered. That liquid, that poison had seemed to kill Cloud's will to live, because when Zack inched closer to peer into the bottomless pools, there was nothing to be found but a flat, unmoving surface.
"Better catch some sleep, Spike. We've got a long way to go and tomorrow will be a tough day."
Nine days. Nine days of hiding and praying to the Planet itself that the troops wouldn't find them while they were resting. Zack had managed to take out each group they'd met until now, but luck had been in their favor. It wasn't the same to battle a few men on the road or on an open field as it was to wake up to an ambush. Zack rarely slept for long, and never too deeply. He probably wouldn't have slept at all, if it hadn't been for Cloud. But then again, he was doing all of this for Cloud's sake.
"Rise and shine, Cloud. It's about time we got out and about."
Cloud had to be carried. His legs weren't moving properly and Zack quickly came to notice that hoisting the lithe infantryman onto his back made moving much quicker. Whenever Zack let him go, he merely slumped onto the ground and remained unmoving, staring up at the sky or down at the ground, his quiet, shallow breathing the only thing that time and time again functioned as proof of the life still hidden within the confines of a damaged body. It was the rhythm of that breathing Zack started moving to, feeling it ghost over his ear as Cloud's head rested on his shoulder. If he concentrated enough, he could feel a soft, weak hammering against his back, and he decided that it had to be Cloud's heart. But then again, it could have been the echo of the steps Zack was taking, each one of them moving them closer to their goal.
"It's okay. We'll make it out of here."
And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on.
And you cast your fears aside.
And you know you can survive.
"You're not scared of the dark, are you? You're from Nibelheim, after all. I heard the winters can get pretty dark up there."
Thirteen days had passed and they had ran out of matches. It didn't matter. They only stopped for short moments for Zack to catch his breath and find the will to continue. There were more troops on the roads now and Zack tried to escape as many as possible. He had neither the energy nor the desire to take down any more men. He had seen too many fall and was starting to loathe himself for what he was doing. And yet, he couldn't stop. They'd come this far. They needed help. Cloud's life rested on his shoulders.
"You should tell me about your family sometime. I'll tell you about mine, too. I'll tell you all about them when we get back."
It took too much time to make two beds, so Zack slept next to Cloud. The blonde never once moved in his sleep, and occasionally Zack wondered whether he even slept. It was like the kid would've been asleep all along, caught up in a dream somewhere else, in a crook of his own mind. He simply lay quietly where Zack placed him, but that was enough. It gave the weary man a solid, humane figure to press his back against while he closed his eyes and fell into a troubled slumber. Those were the only times Zack felt remotely safe, but they also reminded him of how their situation definitely wasn't just a nightmare they could wake up from.
"I hope you're not in pain. I don't have anything to give to you. I'm sorry."
Zack's body was complaining. It was telling him that there wasn't enough food, nor enough rest, and that there was far too much moving going on. Cloud remained as calm as ever, but Zack wondered how the kid felt. Cloud was in a state far worse than he was when it came to the mako levels. The blonde was comatose. He might have been suffering from a great deal of pain, but Zack had no way of knowing. Wondering about Cloud's pain kept him from thinking about his own, however, even if imagining his friend's agony hurt much more in the end.
"It's okay. We'll make it out of here."
So when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong.
And you'll finally see the truth;
That a hero lies in you.
"Be strong now, you hear me? We aren't quitters, no sir!"
Zack lost count of how many days they had been on the run. It didn't matter. They were getting closer, but their pace was slowing down. He was slowing down. Zack was doing his best not to think of what would happen when his body would run out of fuel. The mere will to save Cloud wouldn't be enough to keep him going, not if he broke down like a faulty piece of machinery. Zack tried not to think of this because it was the most horrible fate. Cloud needed help and there was no one else who could take him somewhere safe. Giving up meant giving up Cloud's life. Zack wasn't ready to do that.
"I'll have to introduce you to Aerith when you get better. You'll love her, I know it."
The short, broken pieces of dreams were what kept Zack sane. They were moments once lived, once experienced; glimpses of a happy past, so to speak. They made Zack yearn for more of those moments. Moreover, he wanted to bring Cloud into those moments, as well. A healthy, smiling, laughing Cloud.
But in order to do that, he had to go on. So, Zack always got up and hoisted the unmoving blonde's slack body onto his back and took one step after another. It might've been a painful way, a rough way and an unforgiving way, but it was the only way.
"Looks like we got company. You stay here, alright? I'll take care of this."
Zack could hear the sound of the approaching troops. It sounded like a large lot - much bigger than any of the earlier patrols. No, this was something else, and the thought made his stomach turn. His body was weary and his legs ached for having carried two people for yet another day. Zack was dusty and dirty, probably hungry beneath all of that pain, and definitely not in the mood to take someone's life. But when the sound of organized footsteps drew closer, he set Cloud down and ruffled his hair, giving a low chuckle.
"It's okay. We'll make it out of here."
Zack's hand dropped to his side and he swallowed.
"Right?"
It's a long road
when you face the world alone.
No one reaches out a hand
for you to hold.
When Zack turned around to leave Cloud in the slightly sheltered nook between two rocks, a coldness settled into his body. It wasn't the chill of fear and neither was it the creeping iciness of nervousness. It was a bad omen and a terrible hunch. Zack's intuition was telling him to take Cloud and crawl into a safe little nest somewhere, but that would solve nothing. The troops would still be there, blocking their way. If Zack wanted to help Cloud, if he wanted to be what he had strived to be all his life, then he needed to face this challenge.
It always felt bad to leave Cloud behind when he commenced battle. Usually, Zack tried to stay as close to the kid as possible, but this was different. It sounded like half of the army would've been waiting for him down the road. If there were too many men for Zack to keep an eye on, then they might end up snatching Cloud away before he could end all of them.
No, this was for the best. And if things got ugly, then at least Cloud would be safe. Zack never once considered the fact that Cloud would be without food or shelter and unable to protect himself, because that situation would never occur. Zack would go out there, take out the obstacle in their way and return, and then they would resume their journey. That was how it had been from day one.
Zack didn't know how many days had passed. The road just kept on going and the horizon was always just as empty. But their destination had to be somewhere. For that reason alone, it was worth searching for. It was a lonely road, because no matter how much Zack spoke, Cloud never answered. The echo was his only partner in words, but it was much more deceiving than Cloud's silence. That was why Zack never stopped speaking to the young infantryman, not minding the monologuesqe style of their conversations.
Besides, Cloud would have a chance to make up for his silence. Later. When all of this was over. It was something Zack had decided, a promise he'd given to himself. And even if he was filthy, pained and exhausted, he still had his honor. He was going to keep his promises.
So Zack left Cloud sitting by the rocks while he gazed at the cliff beyond which he could hear the troops moving. A quick battle and then they'd be on their way. Yes. On their way home.
Had Zack turned around, he would've seen hand reach out towards him, as if pleading him not to go.
You can find love
if you search within yourself.
And the emptiness you felt
will disappear.
It wasn't an easy battle. Zack never expected it to be one, either, because as soon as he saw the rows of armed men, he felt his body go numb. No pain. No aching. Nothing. A strange, empty calmness spread onto his body as he stood in front of the enormous crowd, watching as multiple rifles were lifted towards him. It was like he wouldn't have been there at all, but somewhere else - somewhere safe and sound, tucked away from the horrors of the moment.
It made things easier. Easier to take the cuts and the bullets. Easier to accept the fact that he was slowing down more and more with each passing second. Easier to cope with the memories that flashed before his eyes when he realized they would never be re-lived. There was no pain when he finally fell, only hearing the shattering clatter of bullet shells as they met the ground, the dull thuds of shots hitting something as solid and firm as a body. Everything that remained was the cold, and it was slowly becoming more and more overwhelming.
Zack closed his eyes, exhaling deeply. He really could use some rest, that was for sure. Maybe just a few minutes, perhaps an hour. A short nap and then they'd be back on the road again. He couldn't sleep for too long, after all, because they had to keep moving. But a short pause wouldn't hurt, right?
Rain was cascading down from the sky, serving as his blanket. It was refreshing, really, because it washed away all of the dirt of the past days. Purifying, that was what it was. Cleansing. Forgiving.
An odd sound brought Zack back into reality. He was staring at the grey sky, not minding the occasional rain drop that ended up in his eye. The sound was so strange, but yet, so familiar, and he couldn't find the reason for the odd sensation it was creating. A restlessness, a demand, an order.
Someone was calling his name.
With great difficulty, Zack tilted his head and met a pair of confused, frightened eyes. They stared at him blankly, but emotions had surfaced from the depths of lethal mako pools. There, in the rain, lay Cloud Strife, watching him with the lack of comprehension shining in his eyes, outlined with growing alarm.
Cloud was alive.
And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on.
And you cast your fears aside.
And you know you can survive.
For days, for weeks - months, even, who knew? - Zack had carried a lifeless shell on his back. He'd protected it, treasured it like the most expensive of all vials. And yet, it wasn't the exterior that was important, but what lay on the inside. Through the imitation of death, a living soul had now bloomed. It was out of place and probably in need of many things, but seeing Cloud move was enough. The corner of Zack's mouth curled up into the most tired, but most pleased of smiles.
Suddenly it wasn't so bad. All of the nights spent in fear, all of the days used for running. They were all worth it, worth this one moment. Never had Zack seen such a welcome sight before. The rain was soaking Cloud's hair, and even the way the droplets of water slid over his cheeks made him look more alive.
Cloud had found himself again. Now he could go on without Zack's help. The relief was overwhelming enough to threaten to wash Zack away, but he clung onto the moment with the last remains of his strength. He had a little more to give.
"You're gonna live for the both of us."
So when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong.
And you'll finally see the truth;
That a hero lies in you.
Cloud didn't seem to understand what was going on, because he kept staring at Zack like he would've seen the dark-haired man for the first time just a few seconds ago. His lost, searching gaze was filled with life, however, which prevented the smile on Zack's face from disappearing even as he tugged at the Buster Sword. He was so tired, so worn out, but this had to be done. Putting all of his remaining strength into the motion, Zack shoved the enormous blade into Cloud's arms.
It had been Angeal's weapon. It had served the honorable SOLDIER well and Angeal had taken good care of it. He had been a righteous man and done good deeds with that sword. When he had handed it over, it had been clean of sin and stains, ready to accept its new owner.
It had been Zack's weapon. He had done his best to use it with as much pride as Angeal had done, but he wasn't sure he'd managed that well. It was now stained with he blood of infantrymen - men who were the same as Cloud had been. Could his actions be forgiven? He had done all of this to save Cloud, and now the kid was awake and moving. He had to have done something right, after all. And maybe, just maybe, it would be enough to make him a hero in someone's eyes.
"My honor, my dreams. They're yours now."
Cloud was staring at the enormous sword with a misplaced look, before his gaze slid over to Zack again. The kid's entire posture was insecure, but he had faith in the tough little mountain boy. If anyone could cleanse that blade of the battles it had been forced to endure, it was Cloud. And there was no one else who could fulfill the dreams Zack had treasured.
Now he could rest.
Dreams are hard to follow,
but don't let anyone
tear them away.
Hold on, there will be tomorrow.
In time you'll find the way.
It was a relief to finally fall into a soft slumber. The sleep Zack had been craving for days was finally his to have, and he welcomed it with open arms. The coldness slowly crept over his body, but as soon as it reached his heart, it melted into a comfortable nothingness that washed over him. With the sensation went his worries and concerns, his fears and troubles. Everything was replaced with an ethereal knowledge of existing no longer and not needing to think of earthly matters. Zack had taken care of his duties and now he could rest.
He might not have done outstandingly, but he had left the situation in good hands. Angeal would've accepted this solution, that he was certain of. And as if on cue, there was suddenly a familiar presence to be sensed. This was something Zack had missed, no matter how much he had wanted to deny it and to be strong. A warmth greeted him in a manner he knew and he could almost see that smile he'd been met with so many times, hear the rumble of that voice he had come so accustomed to hearing. This really was like returning home.
Zack reached out, knowing that he would be welcomed. He had earned his rest. Perhaps now he could have wings of his own, as well.
And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on.
And you cast your fears aside.
And you know you can survive.
It was with confidence Zack watched Cloud say his goodbyes to the broken, beaten shell his soul had once been confided in. The nobleness of Cloud's actions were enough to reassure Zack of what a good choice he'd made. Cloud was young, but he was strong, and aside from the glow of mako in his eyes, he had an inner fire that could lead to magnificent things. His hands might have been small in comparison to the sword he slowly dragged away, but there were no better hands for the job.
Zack had carried Cloud on their short journey. They hadn't reached their destination, but Cloud had returned from his dream-like state. Zack had fulfilled his task of protecting him. Now there was no more baggage to weigh him down.
And now, Cloud carried Zack. He carried Zack's sword, his honor and his dreams. Eventually, he would become the SOLDIER he wanted to be, that Zack was certain of. In time, Cloud would grow to fill the footsteps Zack had left for him to follow. Because within him, Cloud carried a part of Zack that would never fade, never weaken and never die out.
He, too, would become a hero one day.
So when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong.
And you'll finally see the truth;
That a hero lies in you.