Our Relationship is Falling Apart
Why don't you get it? I support you in everything. Every new job you want to take, I support you. I talked you out of quitting your band, even though I knew it meant spending less time at home with us and more time with people that I don't know, doing whatever it is you do. I don't even question you when you get back because I'm trying really hard to trust you.
Meanwhile I'm home. Alone. All the time. Without you or anybody else to help me with the baby. I go out maybe once a month. Maybe.
It must be nice that your life has barely been affected by having a baby. It must be really great that I've had to change everything, while simultaneously supporting you living as if the baby didn't exist. I wish I knew how it felt to know that I could do whatever I wanted because someone else is at home, taking care of things so that I could have a life of freedom.
You can say you support me all you want but words to me no good when they're not backed up by actions. Don't bother telling me you love me anymore because I have a hard time believing it now. I need you to show it. We both know that you take me for granted. You're gone all day and most of the night, you come home and I'm happy to see you. I ask you how your day has been. I support you in whatever you decide to do while you're home. And then at the end of the night, we climb upstairs, and if we can get the baby to sleep on her own for a little while, I let you have sex with me, despite being exhausted, despite being stressed, despite not feeling sexy, hating my body, depression, pain, and even if I'm on my period and cannot have sex, you get a blow job, or a hand job, your needs are taken care of. But when was the last time you were actually intimate with me? When was the last time you told me I was beautiful? When was the last time you actually went out of your way to make me feel special or desirable?
You're gone for hours on end. You leave for work at seven in the morning, you come home long enough to change, and then you're out the door and at band practice until 10 at night. You get so high when you get home that you eat and pass out on the couch. If I try to get you to play games with the family, you pass. You don't do things with me anymore. When we leave the house together, as a family, it's a rushed event in which you're constantly checking the time because there's always somewhere else you need to be.
Don't expect me to spoon-feed you the ways you can make this right. Stop being lazy. Figure it out. Prove to me that I'm worth something to you. That I'm important enough to you to put a goddamned effort into our relationship without me telling you how.
Meanwhile I'm home. Alone. All the time. Without you or anybody else to help me with the baby. I go out maybe once a month. Maybe.
It must be nice that your life has barely been affected by having a baby. It must be really great that I've had to change everything, while simultaneously supporting you living as if the baby didn't exist. I wish I knew how it felt to know that I could do whatever I wanted because someone else is at home, taking care of things so that I could have a life of freedom.
You can say you support me all you want but words to me no good when they're not backed up by actions. Don't bother telling me you love me anymore because I have a hard time believing it now. I need you to show it. We both know that you take me for granted. You're gone all day and most of the night, you come home and I'm happy to see you. I ask you how your day has been. I support you in whatever you decide to do while you're home. And then at the end of the night, we climb upstairs, and if we can get the baby to sleep on her own for a little while, I let you have sex with me, despite being exhausted, despite being stressed, despite not feeling sexy, hating my body, depression, pain, and even if I'm on my period and cannot have sex, you get a blow job, or a hand job, your needs are taken care of. But when was the last time you were actually intimate with me? When was the last time you told me I was beautiful? When was the last time you actually went out of your way to make me feel special or desirable?
You're gone for hours on end. You leave for work at seven in the morning, you come home long enough to change, and then you're out the door and at band practice until 10 at night. You get so high when you get home that you eat and pass out on the couch. If I try to get you to play games with the family, you pass. You don't do things with me anymore. When we leave the house together, as a family, it's a rushed event in which you're constantly checking the time because there's always somewhere else you need to be.
Don't expect me to spoon-feed you the ways you can make this right. Stop being lazy. Figure it out. Prove to me that I'm worth something to you. That I'm important enough to you to put a goddamned effort into our relationship without me telling you how.