the quiet things...
Ryan and I have almost made it a year.
Its been long. Its been easy.
He is my best friend.
But it seems like that is as far as it goes sometimes.
Its been 4 months since we've had sex. Its been 3 since I've had a real kiss.
Its been longer since we have messed around.
I am patient.
Extremely patient.
I love him. And I'm in love.
But without the attention, and the fact that I don't feel like he's attracted to me..
I don't think forever is in the future.
I am a cancer.
Which they say means I am overly sensitive.
I am needy. And I always have to be pampered.
Which is too true.. way too true.
He is a virgo, opposite.
Yes, they say opposites attract.. and yes, they actually do.
But what they don't let ya know is that its not always a good thing.
My self-esteem is down to 0. I am afraid to be aggressive.
No. I don't have a bad boyfriend... he isn't mean. We haven't been in a fight.
We are perfect besides the fact of me being how I am.
I just need more than what he gives sometimes... I just can't explain it to him without
Sounding like a big whore or a jerk. So I just grin and bear it.
And try my hardest not to be "that girlfriend."
So recently, I lost my job. Last week. And neither of us are employed.
Its hard.. real hard.
I'm being strong though and I'm damn proud of myself for that.
I just try not to stress because 5 years from now.. the worries ill have then we will
Be much more difficult, so I just hold off from worries period.
I'm just trying to stay positive.
I know ill find a better job, I just have to try hard. And keep my chin up.
So tomorrow, well perhaps today now.
Will be one year since ryans dad passed away. And I can already tell how
Much he's already drained. He has said 5 things in the past couple hours and he has an emptiness in his eyes. I understand... we've been together for a while so I just give him his space.
Well, I am done writing. Too muchhhh.
Its been long. Its been easy.
He is my best friend.
But it seems like that is as far as it goes sometimes.
Its been 4 months since we've had sex. Its been 3 since I've had a real kiss.
Its been longer since we have messed around.
I am patient.
Extremely patient.
I love him. And I'm in love.
But without the attention, and the fact that I don't feel like he's attracted to me..
I don't think forever is in the future.
I am a cancer.
Which they say means I am overly sensitive.
I am needy. And I always have to be pampered.
Which is too true.. way too true.
He is a virgo, opposite.
Yes, they say opposites attract.. and yes, they actually do.
But what they don't let ya know is that its not always a good thing.
My self-esteem is down to 0. I am afraid to be aggressive.
No. I don't have a bad boyfriend... he isn't mean. We haven't been in a fight.
We are perfect besides the fact of me being how I am.
I just need more than what he gives sometimes... I just can't explain it to him without
Sounding like a big whore or a jerk. So I just grin and bear it.
And try my hardest not to be "that girlfriend."
So recently, I lost my job. Last week. And neither of us are employed.
Its hard.. real hard.
I'm being strong though and I'm damn proud of myself for that.
I just try not to stress because 5 years from now.. the worries ill have then we will
Be much more difficult, so I just hold off from worries period.
I'm just trying to stay positive.
I know ill find a better job, I just have to try hard. And keep my chin up.
So tomorrow, well perhaps today now.
Will be one year since ryans dad passed away. And I can already tell how
Much he's already drained. He has said 5 things in the past couple hours and he has an emptiness in his eyes. I understand... we've been together for a while so I just give him his space.
Well, I am done writing. Too muchhhh.