sometimes.
sometimes..
I just pray that you would die.
I know that sounds horrible.
But sometimes.
I can't even think...
or do anything.
it's just you.. constantly bitching and nagging.
tonight.
"you need to pay bills.. you always keep the lights on.."
first.
I am never at this house.
when i am.
the lights are off. and my phone is on.
second.
"you wash clothes and eat my food."
lately.
I have been eating more fast food than my metabolism will take.
and I haven't washed clothes in two weeks.
due to the fact.
I don't want to hear him bitch.
and I have more clothes than I need to last for that long.
My dad drinks alot.
no, more than alot.
If he has a day off. You can count on him to drown in the liquor the whole entire time.
it's pretty sad. And pretty pathetic.
both.. in a big mixing bowl.
blended all together.
he leaves all the lights on.
he always tries to find ways to take his problems out on me...
I was the accident.
I was the mistake.
Probably the only thing that has come from him that wasn't completely fucked up.
his life sucks.
he sucks at life.
he is 50 years old.
and I make more money then he does.
this is the reason why I do not do drugs.
anymore.
Yes I know this post is pretty fucked up.. and I am saying all of this out of anger.
but this is how i feel sometimes...
he expects me to help him out.
but he was living with my grandma until she died in 2004.
he didnt pay for anything.
she lived off of social security.
in this house.
that was left to me and my brother.
but somehow my dad got to keep. and destroy.
i know..
i am horrible..
but sometimes it seems like his life would be better if he didnt have one.
blah.
im sorry God.
I am horrible