This news just in: the DMV actually does suck.
Now I know why people hate the DMV. I have never ever had a problem there until today. I even brought a funny book that I am reading and was enjoying myself until I got to the head of the line.
So here is my story: I lost my drivers license two weeks ago today. I would have gotten a replacement much sooner, however given my work schedule the only day off I have that coincides with the DMV being open is Monday, and the last Monday I had off was apparently a national holiday. "Why didn't you just go before or after work?" Well, that is a good question, I work from 8 - 5 on weekdays, and the DMVs hours are from 8:30 - 4:30. When are people supposed to even go in there?
So I get to the front of the line and I had filled out a change of address form because I had moved since I got my last license. "That's the wrong form, sweetie." No problem, there are only 3 people in line, I'll go sit down and fill out the right one. Next time I get to the clerk, she checks the mail with my new address, and then autographs all the paper work, then she tells me I can't get another license since they "surrendered my right to drive to the state of Kansas." That's a simple mistake.
"Oh, no I moved from Kansas to New York, you took my Kansas drivers license when I got one here."
"It says you got a KS drivers license in September 2002."
"No, I think that is when I got my NY license."
"Actually it says here, that you did get a New York license in August 2002, but then surrendered your rights to KS in September '02."
"No that's wrong." First of all why the hell would I get a New York license for one month, does that sound dumb to anyone else? She then told me that I had to call the DMV in KS and have them send something that proves I had a license there.
"Well what is the fax number here so I can have them send it?"
"You have to have them mail it to you."
"Ahh, so I have to go another 2 weeks without a license?! That's just great." I can't buy beer or cigarettes since everyone checks my ID. As I'm walking out I ask if I can just take the drivers test again.
"No, it doesn't work like that."
After I had already gotten into the car I realized that this situation is some sort of bureaucratic trap. The NY DMV knows that I have had both a NY state license and a Kansas license (in fact they think I have had 2 of those!). Yet they want me to give them a piece of information about a license that I never actually had. How dumb.
When I get home I call the KS DMV, they say that they "surrendered my driving rights to New York in August 2002." After that they have no record of me having a license from Kansas after that.
Awesome. "Can I call you from the DMV here and have you tell them that?"
"Yes of course."
So I go into my old tax files, and my W2 from 2002 which shows that I was a resident of New York at the end of 2002. I drive back down to the DMV with this new information. I get a different lady, thank god. She tries to tell me the same thing, I show her my W2 and tell her that her computer is wrong. She checks with some other lady, that lady tells my clerk to call some office. She does. After her phone call she tells me that I have to write and sign an affidavit saying that I never moved back to KS. She fills out some other form has me sign it and faxes it to god knows where, and tells me that I can come back in 48 hours. Which I obviously can't since I'll be at work.
I did all of this without raising my voice. Go me.
So now I still can't get drunk until Monday night, which would be dumb to do since I have to work Tuesday at 8 AM anyway. And all of this is because the DMV fabricated some event that never happened. No one, not even once, said they were sorry about this.
So here is my story: I lost my drivers license two weeks ago today. I would have gotten a replacement much sooner, however given my work schedule the only day off I have that coincides with the DMV being open is Monday, and the last Monday I had off was apparently a national holiday. "Why didn't you just go before or after work?" Well, that is a good question, I work from 8 - 5 on weekdays, and the DMVs hours are from 8:30 - 4:30. When are people supposed to even go in there?
So I get to the front of the line and I had filled out a change of address form because I had moved since I got my last license. "That's the wrong form, sweetie." No problem, there are only 3 people in line, I'll go sit down and fill out the right one. Next time I get to the clerk, she checks the mail with my new address, and then autographs all the paper work, then she tells me I can't get another license since they "surrendered my right to drive to the state of Kansas." That's a simple mistake.
"Oh, no I moved from Kansas to New York, you took my Kansas drivers license when I got one here."
"It says you got a KS drivers license in September 2002."
"No, I think that is when I got my NY license."
"Actually it says here, that you did get a New York license in August 2002, but then surrendered your rights to KS in September '02."
"No that's wrong." First of all why the hell would I get a New York license for one month, does that sound dumb to anyone else? She then told me that I had to call the DMV in KS and have them send something that proves I had a license there.
"Well what is the fax number here so I can have them send it?"
"You have to have them mail it to you."
"Ahh, so I have to go another 2 weeks without a license?! That's just great." I can't buy beer or cigarettes since everyone checks my ID. As I'm walking out I ask if I can just take the drivers test again.
"No, it doesn't work like that."
After I had already gotten into the car I realized that this situation is some sort of bureaucratic trap. The NY DMV knows that I have had both a NY state license and a Kansas license (in fact they think I have had 2 of those!). Yet they want me to give them a piece of information about a license that I never actually had. How dumb.
When I get home I call the KS DMV, they say that they "surrendered my driving rights to New York in August 2002." After that they have no record of me having a license from Kansas after that.
Awesome. "Can I call you from the DMV here and have you tell them that?"
"Yes of course."
So I go into my old tax files, and my W2 from 2002 which shows that I was a resident of New York at the end of 2002. I drive back down to the DMV with this new information. I get a different lady, thank god. She tries to tell me the same thing, I show her my W2 and tell her that her computer is wrong. She checks with some other lady, that lady tells my clerk to call some office. She does. After her phone call she tells me that I have to write and sign an affidavit saying that I never moved back to KS. She fills out some other form has me sign it and faxes it to god knows where, and tells me that I can come back in 48 hours. Which I obviously can't since I'll be at work.
I did all of this without raising my voice. Go me.
So now I still can't get drunk until Monday night, which would be dumb to do since I have to work Tuesday at 8 AM anyway. And all of this is because the DMV fabricated some event that never happened. No one, not even once, said they were sorry about this.