Fic; Long Distance, 3/?

[quixyjie]

Title Long Distance 3/?, following Running Uphill
Rating pg-13? nc-17 overall.
Summary Hank and Alex move past curious and into the strange new territory of 'committed.'
Disclaimer Will never own, boo. Characters belong to their belongers.

Comments

[beakanoma]

There are a few odd mistakes I caught. Like "start contrast" instead of "stark contrast." And Scott turning the TV off, and then a commercial comes on the TV. Those are the only two I remember now after reading.

Alex asking Hank if he's being invited as his boyfriend even though he can't go anyway was a cute little headgame.

For some reason, Beth Broderick (Aunt Zelda from 'Sabrina, the Teenage Witch') is suddenly Hank's mom in my head? Something about the way she talks, I dunno...

Alex had spent a lot of time in Moira’s office, instead, a mixed up ball of guilt and shame and maybe we shouldn’t. -- this is conveys so many of the things I love about your Alex in a beautiful and succinct way. Considering how confident and angry we usually see Alex, it's a refreshing change to see him so timid and unsure.

The scene between Hank and his mom was intense. Like Hank assuming his mom was going to call him a fag, which I'm sure she wasn't not really, at least she didn't mean to. She's like sandpaper on his skin, rough and irritating and useless. Great descriptor.

I don't love the slap, because hitting your child is sort of extreme. I don't love it, but I accept that it's a realistic reaction and respect your choice to include it. What I do love is what comes after. Not only does his mother make no attempt to stop him from leaving, but he says he'll come back tomorrow. To me, it's like he's assuring her that she can be forgiven but he can't be around her now, and she accepts that. I don't know if that's what you were going for, but it's what I read.

I loved the DBT turning sexy. Of course it did. They're eighteen. Any physical contact is likely to. I don't understand Alex being upset by what Hank said. Maybe that'll be explained later? I was heartbroken (and morbidly fascinated) by Alex's reaction to the yelling.

I like Scott's confrontation with Hank at the end. Something I like about your characters is their capacity for forgiveness. He knows how good Hank has been for Alex, and he knows Hank is a good kid, even if he's pissed.

You're a cruel mistress, leaving things off there, though. NOT A FAN.

[quixyjie]

eep. Thanks! I corrected those things. I added that tiny bit about Sparks' commercial after writing the whole chapter because it felt empty...without reading what had JUST HAPPENED BEFORE. god. So thanks.

Beth Broderick...yes I could see that! I don't have anyone specifically in mind when I'm writing Hank's mom. She's like...a blurry Alyssa Milano. Is that weird? It's the nutritionist part at play.

So Hank's mom is not a very sensitive person. She speaks first and thinks after. I wrote it thinking that she was going to say it, but only because that's what had been graffiti'd on his car. And she never would have slapped Hank if she had her shit together. Man, adolescents are friggin' frustrating. She could use some Parenting Skills training.

Your questions about Alex's reactions - should be explained? Will be explained? Yes, they will. Hank has some making up to do and questions to ask and Alex needs to give him some answers; all Hank knows now is that he had been LA for a while and that the foster home hadn't been "that great."

[beakanoma]

Aw, and now I'm sad you removed the commercial, though. (I'm never happy, man.) It amused me that the Nicholas Sparks commercial (probably the one with Zac Efron where he's in nothing but small boxer-briefs in a shower) is what inspired Scott to ask Alex about sex.

....No? It's not weird? I haven't watched her on anything since 'Charmed' so it's hard for me to see her as the mother of an 18-yr-old. But she's like almost 40 now. So that would actually work. Young-ish mom, but that also makes sense for this character.

Oh, Hank's mom is sensitive, it's just that she's not sensitive to others and their needs. She's selfish. And sometimes people are. It doesn't make them bad people. Just.. Yeah. That's what I mean, about her calling him that, she only would've said it because it was what was written. She wouldn't have slapped Hank if she had her shit together, but Hank is also (much as I love him) kind of a snot to her. He's a teenager, and teenagers are often snots, but still.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIII forgot the thing about Alex being in foster care. Is it mentioned more than once? I've only read 'Running Uphill' the one time so far (shame, shame), so I cannot recall. I'm excited to learn more about Alex's backstory, because we don't honestly have that much. Especially because talking about LA is what caused his breakdown at the New Year's party, I'm looking forward to the big reveal there.

[quixyjie]

Teenagers are snots, yes. Hank doesn't know how much of a snot he is being. In that way Hank and his mother are very similar; they're quite good at thinking about themselves. Hank's mother just has the misfortune of being presented to the reader through Hank's eyes.

Backstory will be elaborated upon. Alex will probably do a lot of mumbling and huffing.

[beakanoma]

I do adore Alex when he's mumbling and huffing. Or brooding. Or converting oxygen to carbon dioxide. I just love that boy.

[quixyjie]

Yeah...I can get behind that.

[beakanoma]

ohhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhhh

[quixyjie]

GTFO.

:D