the art of growing up.
so, i just bought & read this book. it's called sloppy firsts and it's by megan mccafferty, and i read it because shelby told me that she thought the protagonist was just like me. i liked the book. the main character is smart, a runner, very observant, is super-close with her best friend, has an older, very outwardly pretty sister, isn't really that close with her mother, only gets along with her dad because she's into sports, has never been in a serious relationship, just ditched a group of friends she hates, and everyone thinks she's good at everything. me, right? in a way, she's a lot like me. but how she isn't like me is that her best friend just moved away, she's obsessed with the fact that she's still a virgin, hates her high-school life, turns down guys left and right because they're not "perfect", is depressed, resents and criticizes almost everything, and has chronic insomnia.
however, i couldn't help but compare myself with her. in the second installment, second helpings, which i borrowed from shelby, the protagonist ends up going to columbia. i finished the book this afternoon and thought, what colleges could i have gone to if i had only applied? maybe i could have afforded them, and maybe i'd be better off going to one of them. ...or maybe i'd still be going to michigan state. i guess we'll never know, but i can't help but think about it. i've been thinking a lot lately.
in the recent past i realized that i have a lot less confidence than i let on. especially with my sister, i used to act like a hard-ass who had an answer for everything, who knew everything, and knew exactly what to do to make her life turn out the way she wanted it to. i feel like i'm so different from that person now. i like that i'm insecure and vulnerable a lot of the time. i feel more human, and less like a robot. wow. i'm waaayyyyy blue lately, for you true colors enlightened people who know what i mean. (it's not blue as in melancholy.) i've also been somewhat antisocial. i read a lot, i write a lot, i sit around a lot. it's summer--i need to go out! i think part of it is that most of my going out desires have geared towards clubbing...which i am not old enough to do yet. i won't be eighteen until i'm already at msu. so there goes my summer carefree-ness. i guess i'll find other things to do. for example, right now i'm going running.
however, i couldn't help but compare myself with her. in the second installment, second helpings, which i borrowed from shelby, the protagonist ends up going to columbia. i finished the book this afternoon and thought, what colleges could i have gone to if i had only applied? maybe i could have afforded them, and maybe i'd be better off going to one of them. ...or maybe i'd still be going to michigan state. i guess we'll never know, but i can't help but think about it. i've been thinking a lot lately.
in the recent past i realized that i have a lot less confidence than i let on. especially with my sister, i used to act like a hard-ass who had an answer for everything, who knew everything, and knew exactly what to do to make her life turn out the way she wanted it to. i feel like i'm so different from that person now. i like that i'm insecure and vulnerable a lot of the time. i feel more human, and less like a robot. wow. i'm waaayyyyy blue lately, for you true colors enlightened people who know what i mean. (it's not blue as in melancholy.) i've also been somewhat antisocial. i read a lot, i write a lot, i sit around a lot. it's summer--i need to go out! i think part of it is that most of my going out desires have geared towards clubbing...which i am not old enough to do yet. i won't be eighteen until i'm already at msu. so there goes my summer carefree-ness. i guess i'll find other things to do. for example, right now i'm going running.