Onward

[quixoticjade]

He stole my breath.
From the moment I walked into the room and he was sitting there on the floor my eyes kept flicking in his direction, involuntarily.
He made my chest feel like
it was two sizes too small to hold my heart.
I didn't need drugs when his kiss, his touch, the mere idea of him+me made me feel so high.
Made me forget if I consented to our first time, my first time.
I don't remember my first time.
Yet my body loved him so viscerally my brain had no choice but to comply.
Every nerve thrummed with pleasure so overwhelming I could cry
And oh, did I cry.
When I knew it was over I wanted to die.

You are not him.
You are not him and that's so refreshing;
Like cool gulps of water on a hot Georgia day
Like fresh vegetables after a fish fry.
You are so much softer than he ever was
Than he ever could be
And I want more than anything to melt into your touch
but oh god, why can't I melt for you?
He taught me I shouldn't trust my gut
yet I continue to wait for it to tie itself in knots so my brain knows you are for real.
I fear that my body will never cry out for you the way it did for him.
Will my soul sing for anyone again?