learning to love yourself, the only lesson taken
At noon, under the smoking city lights, you grabbed my skeleton and buttered it with cream and topped with a cherry that you plucked from my neighbor’s garden. The traffic was everything else than a chaos, the movements were fast enough to cheer up a child, but we both knew we both needed more than the city offered you. We spoke to each other very much, but your words made me want to go to a library and look up a word or two or three and all I understood was that you were becoming a traffic jam.
All I see how much I wanted to be the car which would cause you.
: I’m not keen on living anymore. I like the way the gasoline smells. Whenever I walk by a hospital, I think of many people that are getting their passports stamped to the better place.
: You shouldn’t be thinking like that.
: I shouldn’t.
: But you’re.
: I’m.
dearest,
I speak with a sincere heart whenever it is possible. today the day when I’m not able to do so, I write you this letter so you know that no matter what the miracles are all around us.
I loved your scent when I met you for the first time. it was very dearly, but my mind was occupied by your way of keep your hair controlled. the space, the fiercest Gods and the clouds together sent their armies to rally against the unwillingness of your hair to flow in the air of theirs. you were modeling for the city that you so deeply loved and the photographer was tainted by everything that you touched.
when you uttered a word it seemed like everyone, even your beloved unicorns that outshined me every time when I met them, was listening to the Earth, the gracious world and when I asked how you did it, you acted as if you did not know what I was asking for.
this short letter,
my dearest,
isn’t much.
loved you.
insincerely, you
We needed clarification. Our story, complicated and misunderstood by both of us, was too valuable to be drowned in the ocean of mistaken matches. In the balcony when you grabbed my skeleton, you said things that reinforced the city lights. How is that you can make the lights shine brighter with a smile of yours, but when it comes me, you do not even need to touch the heart to turn it off?
We both liked stories. A storyteller falling in love with another storyteller, everyone used to say. We were the army of the skies and the ocean who would battle against the Gods, the space and the clouds who were too bitter. Our mothers told us that we were too similar, too identical. Yet we beamed brilliantly until the fuel
ran out.
: I went to Brooklyn hoping to get killed.
: you didn’t.
: I did.
: why?
: because I’m not keen on living.
: where you ever?
: for a moment.
: when?
: when I saw you for the first time.
: what happened?
: I saw you for the second time.
The space shuttle broke in the moon and the astronauts were trapped. The media was alarmed, charities began to collect money for themselves with a new excuse and people were terrified about their sons and daughters in the moon. Chaos, traffic jams, you wanted them and I would bring them to you.
: you loved me?
: I loved you.
: you love me?
: I loved you.
: you will love me?
: I loved you.
: love me?
: you tried.
: I tried.
: love yourself.
: love myself.
: and you couldn’t.
: and I couldn’t.
It’s a cliché. I tried harder than anyone. When I sat in the balcony under the smoking city lights at noon, nothing rushed in my mind. The hallow image of a skeleton ran through my hands, they said that I’d have to start from the beginning and I did, I decorated it and tried to love it, but there was too much else in my mind. He said he loved me and I told him that I loved him, but really I loved the fact that he loved me. My mother told me that she loved me more than anything else than and I told her that I loved her, but really I loved the fact the she loved me more than anything else (in the universe, I hoped). And then you came and asked me to love yourself in a way that they loved me.
: I’m one of those astronauts in the moon with the broken spaceship.
: and people are worried sick.
: I’m trapped.
: they care.
: I tried.
: yes.