Coming out of my cage and I've been doing just fine.
Rewriting this because LJ successfully ate my entry again.
On Saturday, I did some partying with the people I run with. I had been crushing on this particular person "Ammo". We carpooled to the same event together and ended up at our friend's townhome in San Jose. There were a few moments where I thought I might have stirred something in him, but another girl--I will call her Tonya, who had definitely been heavily flirting with someone at the house until he suddenly went home needed another guy to flirt with. I consciously gave up the backseat of the car thinking that I was in a losing battle and that he would probably end up making out with her. At some point we were dropping everyone off, she left to go to his apartment, and the driver mentioned to me that he had seen them making out. I'm pretty sure they had sex that night. I'm not sure it was the first time.
In any case, it was interesting to feel something for someone even if it ended in a sort of rejection (or maybe I just didn't have the confidence of Tonya to pursue him). I'm still hung up over another dude named A.. even though A doesn't deserve anything from me including my friendship. I wonder if the feelings for A are grounded in avoidance or in the fact that I'm in need of feeling that kind of love and it's just difficult right now to connect with anyone.