(no subject)
When you're nearing the end of high school, do you ever think about who you'll be friends with a year later? 2 years later? 3 years later? Even 10 years later? I did.
I thought about it quite extensively, during those last few days of high school. I thought I'd be close friends with the people I was close friends with in high school forever. I thought I knew, anyway. It's funny how at that age, you often feel like you know everything or at least more than you actually do. You think you've really experienced life and that you have much wisdom at 17/18 years old. The people whom I was closest to in high school are most definitely not the people I am closest to now. The first few years after high school are the years when you really figure out who you get along with best and who has the most things in common with you. If I had known this back in high school, I probably would have known that I wouldn't be close friends with the people I was close to in high school right now. Interests change, or become more important in friendships. Looking through my yearbooks from grades 10 to 12, and seeing the people I most frequently spent time with, I realize that I am more acquaintances with them, if that. Many of the people I was acquaintances with back then, are now my closest friends.
Sometimes when I think about it, and reflect on all the fun times and memories I had with these people, I'm a little bit sad that we went our separate ways or that now it's a struggle to come up with confortable conversation. But I know that that's life and it's inevitable. People change, so friendships change. It took time for me to not feel weird when I didn't exchange Christmas presents with a friend or have them with me on my birthday for the first time. I suppose though, it would be weirder TO do that, seeing as we hardly know each other any more. But if they are okay with moving on, then so am I. I think sometimes I still try to hold on to the past too much. Now, at 21, I've grown up a bit, and so have the other people in my life. I have to accept the past as past and move on, knowing that my past has helped shaped who I am, but is not going to define who I am.
Maybe I'm writing this entry because I'm insecure about life. I never did like change and I never did like growing up. I remember the days when my cousin used to pull me around the house on a sleeping bag and I'd squeal with delight and when my other cousin took me to the Kids Only Market at Granville Island. I remember these times as if they happened yesterday. I guess you could say I'm an adult now, though I most definitely do not feel like one. My childhood and high school years were the years I felt most stable. I went to school, I had fun with friends, I went to my music lessons and Japanese school and I knew what I was doing. This is the time when I have to figure out the rest of my life. I think this entry on friendship stems from the fact that friends have always been a constant in my life and I want to be sure that certain ones I have now, will always be there for me in the future. But I guess there's no way of knowing, is there?