So Goodnight You, Goodnight Moon - Part Fifteen
Title: So Goodnight You, Goodnight Moon (15/?)
Author: Stacey; quirky_anecdote
Rating: R.
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth/Jack Barakat
POV: Third.
Summary: When Alex turns up on Jack’s doorstep at eleven thirty at night, Jack’s quick to let the older boy inside, his teeth clamped to his bottom lip and his face drawn into a worried expression.
Disclaimer: This is totally fake. Promise.
Warnings: Physical abuse.
Title Cred. to: Goodnight Moon - Go Radio.
Author's Notes: I wanna say there's like, five parts left to this? That's just a rough estimate though.
Posted to acrosswaxbone & alltimeboners
Master Post.
So Goodnight You, Goodnight Moon - Part Fifteen
“You’ll be okay here, right?” Jack asks, biting down on his lip as he kneels on the floor in front of the sofa where Alex is laid out, still looking like he’s gone nine rounds with Mike Tyson.
Alex gives a soft smile, just a crook of the lips that just settles on his features. He isn’t happy about Jack leaving him to go to school, but there’s nothing he can do about it, he’s still in too much pain to be able to withstand a whole day in school, and he doesn’t want Jack to leave, he wants to cuddle up with him on the sofa and let Jack whisper sweet nothings in his ear, tell him it’s all going to be okay; he’s safe now.
But it can’t and won’t happen, because Alex has put him through enough stress, he doesn’t need the added stress of worrying about what work he’s missed in school.
“I’ll be fine,” he says softly, fingers twining together and twisting in his lap as Jack eyes him.
“Okay, well, I’ll come home for lunch, and I’ll ring you during break, and you can ring me anytime you want, I don’t care if I’m in lesson, I want you to ring me if you need me, okay,” Jack says, reaching to grip Alex’s fingers to halt his movements, to stop him almost easing his joints from their sockets.
Alex nods, squeezes Jack’s fingers in his and sighs softly as Jack leans forwards to press their lips together, eyes closing to savour the feeling of Jack against him, warm and soft and real.
When Jack pulls back, he stands up, loosening his fingers from Alex’s only to feel Alex’s grip tighten, glancing to the older boy to see him frowning and staring at the younger boy’s hip where his shirt has ridden up slightly. “Jack, what happened?” he asks, worrying creasing his features as he looks from Jack’s face and back to his side. The younger boy pulls his hand free, pulling his shirt down to cover the flash of dark healing skin. He shrugs.
“It’s nothing; it was my own fault,” Jack replies, sitting down on the edge of the coffee table and pulling his backpack onto his lap from the floor. Alex frowns, insides squirming uncomfortably as he thinks about how their whole relationship seems to be based upon keeping things from each other, and he knows he’s the most guilty partner, hiding all the beatings he’s received in the past until it became almost impossible and Jack found out by himself, even then Alex never confirmed who was doing it, but it was obvious.
He’s still lying to Jack now, managing to avoid any sort of confrontation involving what happened with the police at the hospital, and then saying he’s okay with Jack leaving when really he’s petrified of being on his own. He can’t tell Jack that though, he lies to look after the younger boy, and yet he still ends up hurting him anyway.
Jack clears his throat then, standing up and swinging his backpack onto his shoulders, his eyes avoiding the older boy. “I’ll be home later then, just, please call me if you need me,” he says, walking around the sofa and standing behind it, up by the older boy’s head. He finally drops his eyes to his face, giving Alex a soft smile and pushing his fingers through the boy’s hair.
Alex nods, watches as Jack turns and makes his way out of the room, twisting on his side he pulls himself up, wincing slightly and gripping onto the back of the sofa as he calls the younger boy, teeth biting into his bottom lip as Jack stalls by the door, hand gripping onto the doorframe as he tilts his head to the side slightly. “I love you,” Alex says, and Jack smiles a little more genuinely, nodding and replying, “I love you too.”
Glancing towards the window, Alex’s gaze smooths back to the younger boy as he says, “stay safe.” And Jack’s nodding again, head dipping down before he gives a wave and leaves the house. Alex sighs, twisting round and resisting the urge to whimper at the movement, burying his face under the blankets Jack hauled down from his room for him.
-
Alex doesn’t move from the sofa all morning, just stays tucked up under the blankets, dozing in and out of a fitful slumber. He wishes Jack were here, he wishes he were brave enough to just admit that yes, he’s scared and he doesn’t want to be left alone. Hell, he wishes none of this ever happened, that his mother never passed away and that his father never became abusive, he doesn’t know why he got dealt such a shit hand in life, and he feels guilty for dragging Jack down with him. Jack deserves the world and more, he deserves someone who can love him unconditionally, someone whose problems wouldn’t affect his life, someone who can take him out and show him a good time.
And yet he’s stuck with Alex, a broken boy with enough issues and problems to last a lifetime.
Sniffing back the suffocating smothering of emotions, Alex lifts a shaky hand to wipe the wet from his cheeks, droplets sliding down his cheeks, pooling into his hairline as he lays on his back. He closes his eyes, trying to think of moments he’s shared with Jack which weren’t filled with pain and frustration and sobs. He thinks of the early days of their relationship, the way Jack used to look at him with pure adoration and happiness. The jagged ball of emotion that sits constantly in his chest seems to become colder and nastier as he thinks of the way Jack looks at him now, there’s always a layer of sadness and pain in his irises, a worn out look that makes Alex’s stomach twist and although the love is there, it’s just hard to really enjoy it when there’s so much negativity surrounding it.
He knows he needs to do something, he needs to sort himself out before Jack gets the guts up to walk away, to leave Alex slumped in the mess of the hurricane his life has become, leave him with the wreckage of his father’s actions, the shrapnel from an explosive downfall in his life.
Letting out a shaky breath, he lifts his hand to the top of the blanket, tugging it down until the cool air hits his flushed cheeks. He slowly pulls himself into a sitting position, reaching out to curl his fingers around his phone on the coffee table and to tug the device closer to himself, teeth gnawing at his bottom lip as he flicks through his contacts.
-
Barely even break time in school and Jack’s already going out of his mind, his teeth biting at his fingernails as his leg bounces nervously against the tiles of the classroom floor. He got to school late this morning, what with fussing over Alex, his thoughts haven’t left the older boy, not that Alex ever really leaves his thoughts, he’s too much of an important figure in the younger boy’s life to ever be out of his mind.
When the bell for break eventually rings, Jack stumbles out of his class, barely gripping his books as he walks away from his desk, pushing past students without much care as to who he’s knocking into, he gets into the corridor, gritting his teeth and leading himself through the crowds to his locker. He disposes of his books, ducking as he sees Rian. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to the older boy, it’s just he needs to get outside as quick as possible.
Once outside, he moves towards an empty bench, setting his backpack on the top and sitting down before pulling his cell phone from his pocket. He locates Alex’s name, pressing the call button and waiting nervously as the phone rings.
After three rings, Alex picks up, and Jack smiles as he hears the older boy’s voice greeting him.
“Hey baby, how’s everything?” he asks, eyes scanning the students in front of him lazily. He feels less on edge with Alex’s voice just down the line.
“It’s okay; I’ve just been sleeping really. How’s school?”
“Boring, even worse without you here, I might just come home at lunch and skip my last two classes; I only have math and study hall,”
“You shouldn’t do that, you suck at math, you need all the teaching you can get.”
Rolling his eyes fondly, Jack says, “I know, you always tell me I suck at it. We should watch a movie when I get home, that way it gives me an excuse to snuggle you.”
He hears Alex laugh softly, and it makes him smile against his phone. “You don’t need an excuse to snuggle me.” Jack hums in reply, biting his lip on a smile.
-
Hours later finds Jack on the sofa with Alex, the younger boy biting down on his bottom lip as he hovers over the older boy, his fingertips brushing the older boy’s cheek softly. Home Alone is playing in the background, but neither boy is paying any mind to it, not after Alex had tried to convince Jack to go back to school and so Jack had kissed the thought away.
“When do you get your cast off?” Jack asks softly, watching the action of his fingers smoothing across Alex’s skin.
“Doctor said six weeks to be sure, I should get the bindings off in a week though,” he replies, shifting the cast where it rests beside him, pressing to the back of the sofa.
“That’s good, I guess, these bindings suck, huh?” It’s more rhetorical than anything, but Alex nods anyway, breath sucking in as Jack’s fingers fall from his cheeks to press up under the sweatshirt Alex is wearing, Jack’s sweatshirt.
“When uhm, I mean, what are we gonna do about my stuff? If- if I’m going to be staying here, I’m going to need my stuff, that’s if he’s not smashed it all up,” Alex asks, biting his lip as their eyes meet. Jack shrugs, flicking his eyes back down to watch as his fingertips run across the older boy’s lower abdomen, the boy shivering slightly under his touch, stomach muscles tensing up.
“I’ll ask my parents to get it for you; I don’t want you going there again,” Jack replies, glancing back up to see Alex’s expression. The older boy frowns, shifts and says, “but-but Jack I have to, I-I need things that they won’t know to get.”
Jack shrugs. “You can make a list of what you want.”
“Jack please, you can’t stop me from going back to my home,” Alex states, pushing Jack’s hand away from his skin as he tries to get the boy’s full attention.
With a sigh, Jack moves back, pushing his hair back out of his eyes. “I’m trying to protect you Alex, last time you went against what I said, look what- you got yourself-” he cuts himself off, tugging at his bangs in frustration. He doesn’t want to upset Alex, but he’s just so frustrating at times.
“J-Jack, I- come back? Please, I don’t like it when you move away from me like that,” Alex says, biting his lip as his eyes widen. He can see Jack getting wound up, and that’s the last thing he wants, not now, not when they were getting on, settled in a comfortable warm bubble of ignorance of everything that’s gone on. But it appears that bubble has been popped, and Alex is falling without anything to grip on to.
“You make it seem like I’m always trying to get away from you, fuck Alex, I’m always trying to get closer, you’re the one who’s always pushing me away,” Jack says and Alex nods quickly, almost desperately.
“I know, I’m sorry, don’t- please.” He pauses, sitting up and wincing as his ribs protest from the movement. “I love you.” He bites his lip, hoping Jack will actually look at him, that the frown settled on his features will disintegrate into a soft smile. It doesn’t, instead he scoffs, says, “you know you say that a lot, but you never show me you do.”
“W-what- I know I’ve not been the best boyfriend, Jack, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you, I wouldn’t lie about that.” When Jack remains silent, Alex feels himself starting to panic, he can’t lose Jack, not now, not after everything that’s happened. “Jack, I wouldn’t, I don’t know how I’m supposed to prove that I’m not ly-”
“Testify,” the younger boy cuts off, and Alex blanches, eyebrows drawing together as Jack looks at him.
“What?”
“Testify in court that your father has been beating the shit out of you on a weekly occurrence for the last few years,” Jack states, and Alex feels his breath choke in his chest with how bluntly Jack just said those words. He frowns, feeling the hurt start to seep in and then the switch flicks and he feels the anger swell at Jack’s words, a way to prevent himself from getting hurt further.
“I have to testify whether I want to or not Jack, I don’t know if you know the laws of child abuse, but considering I’m considered a minor, it means that I have no say in whether they press charges or not, it’s out of my hands, Jack. And also, don’t tell me that I have to stand in front of a court full of strangers and relive some of the most horrific things I’ve ever experienced just to prove I love you, if you need proof like that, then maybe I’m in love with the wrong damn person,” he snaps, staring hard at the younger boy.
Jack frowns, goes to open his mouth only to hear a knock on the front door, three raps echoing through the house in quick succession. Alex feels his heart leap into his throat, and he pulls himself up from the sofa.
“I wanted to do something really nice for you tonight, because I don’t think you deserve all the shit that I’ve put you through, I doubt there’s any point now, is there?” he says, before turning on his heel and leaving the room. Jack bites his lip, feeling his frustration die down and he curses himself for letting his frustration and anger get the better of him.
Another knock on the front door brings him from his thoughts, and he sniffs back the regret at what’s just happened and moves towards the front door, wiping his eyes and clearing his throat before tugging the door open.
His eyes widen as he sees two uniformed police officers stood on his doorstep.
“Is Mrs Barakat home? We’re here regarding a Mister Alexander Gaskarth,” the taller one announces, looking down at Jack.
“That’s-that’s my mom, she’s at work right now, what- you’re here about Alex?” he questions, voice shaking slightly as he switches his weight from one foot to the other. The officer nods.
“Is Mister Gaskarth here?” he then asks, and Jack glances behind him and up the stairs before looking back to the police.
“He’s upstairs but he’s- I don’t think he wants to see anyone, can you tell me whatever it is?”
“I assume your Mrs Barakat’s son?”
“Yeah, I uh- I’m Alex’s boyfriend, you can tell me, I-I can tell my mom when she’s home, is it bad news?”
-
Alex finds himself in the bathroom, the door locked. He stands in front of the bathroom mirror, hand rested on the rim of the basin. He’s staring at his own reflection, the pale complexion of his skin, the dark brown circles that rim his eyes, his hair is a mess, curling and too long, grown out of the style he used to have. He looks skinnier than he’s ever been before, eyes seeming to have lost the almost honey golden fleck they used to glow with and the fact that his eyes look so dead and emotionless scares even himself.
He doesn’t know what he’s doing here, beaten and bruised, he’s like some of disease, he decides, infecting and ruining the lives of everyone he meets and gets close to. He’s ruined Jack’s life, ruined Jack’s idea of love, he’s took his years which should have been spent carefree and laughing, having fun and doing things he can only get away with at this age, and yet Alex has took that all away from him, instead shoved him into a world of pain to cope with the things a boy his age should never have to go through.
He wishes his dad had focused his beatings a little more on his skull, maybe if he’d killed Alex, things would be better, sure, it would cripple Jack to lose him, he doesn’t doubt that, but he’d spring back, he’d find someone else to love him and treat him better. His eyes seem to zone in on the razor beside the sink, and he bites his lip, feeling a sob curl up his throat because he just feels so helpless right now.
A knock on the bathroom door breaks him from his thoughts, fingers loosening their tight grip on the basin as he sucks in a deep breath. “Alex, baby, can you open the door?” Jack’s voice echoes into the room, slightly muffled by the wooden door. Alex wipes quickly at his cheeks with his fingers, hand sliding underneath his nose as he sniffs. “Alex please, I’m- I’m sorry, okay? But I have some good news, I- well, I hope it’s good news for you.”
Alex stays quiet, casting his eyes to the door, he steps closer, breathing slightly choppy as the wet continues to trail down his cheeks. He presses his forehead to the door when he reaches it, closing his eyes and listening to Jack shuffling around outside. “I’m sorry for underestimating your love for me, I just- this is hard, y’know? I want to help you but I don’t know how, and that makes me feel like shit, everything just seems to be the same old record, we fight, we make up, it’s the same old same old.” He hears the younger boy’s voice crack, the noticeable sounds of sniffling and he feels his heart crack at the thought of Jack crying out there on the landing, all by himself.
“Maybe I’m not good for you, I mean, something isn’t meshing right, you know? Maybe I should let you go, I guess I’ve been selfish with keeping you with me, I just love you so much, but if- if you want to go, then I respect that, I’ll teach myself to respect that, we- we don’t want to be like Romeo and Juliet, do we? If they’d let each other go, they might have survived -or at least Juliet would have, but then I guess that would have ruined the whole ‘star-crossed lovers’ thing Shakespeare had going- I don’t want you to be my Romeo or Juliet, I want you to be my Alex, and if that means you not being my Alex at all, then I’ll learn to accept that.” Biting his lip, Alex reaches for the door handle, unlocking it and stepping to the side as he opens it.
He stands in the doorway, looking at the younger boy, Jack looking straight back at him. “Please don’t let me go,” he whispers, feeling the wet creep up in eyes. Jack nods, steps forwards and pulls the older boy closer, squeezing him tight and Alex grips onto his shirt, gasping slightly at their contact, only pulling Jack in even more so as the boy tries to pull away.
“Don’t ever forget I love you,” Alex mumbles. “Don’t even underestimate it for a second.” He presses his face into Jack’s hair, breathing steadily as he tries to calm himself down.
Part Sixteen.
____________________________________
A/N Well, their emotions are all over the place! But it’s intentional, I want it to be clear that neither of them have a clear head, they’re both thinking and worrying about too much, which causes them to think irrationally, and also to change their minds easily without really thinking everything through.
Anyway, this is my last post here before I have my operation on Friday! I’m only having four molars out, so it’s nothing big, but they’re putting me under anaesthetic for it, and I have to stay in overnight, wish me luck! Haha.
Thanks for reading, and if you do think their emotions are TOO all over the place, feel free to tell me so. Idk, to me it seems justified when you think about the recent happenings with them.
Author: Stacey; quirky_anecdote
Rating: R.
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth/Jack Barakat
POV: Third.
Summary: When Alex turns up on Jack’s doorstep at eleven thirty at night, Jack’s quick to let the older boy inside, his teeth clamped to his bottom lip and his face drawn into a worried expression.
Disclaimer: This is totally fake. Promise.
Warnings: Physical abuse.
Title Cred. to: Goodnight Moon - Go Radio.
Author's Notes: I wanna say there's like, five parts left to this? That's just a rough estimate though.
Posted to acrosswaxbone & alltimeboners
Master Post.
So Goodnight You, Goodnight Moon - Part Fifteen
“You’ll be okay here, right?” Jack asks, biting down on his lip as he kneels on the floor in front of the sofa where Alex is laid out, still looking like he’s gone nine rounds with Mike Tyson.
Alex gives a soft smile, just a crook of the lips that just settles on his features. He isn’t happy about Jack leaving him to go to school, but there’s nothing he can do about it, he’s still in too much pain to be able to withstand a whole day in school, and he doesn’t want Jack to leave, he wants to cuddle up with him on the sofa and let Jack whisper sweet nothings in his ear, tell him it’s all going to be okay; he’s safe now.
But it can’t and won’t happen, because Alex has put him through enough stress, he doesn’t need the added stress of worrying about what work he’s missed in school.
“I’ll be fine,” he says softly, fingers twining together and twisting in his lap as Jack eyes him.
“Okay, well, I’ll come home for lunch, and I’ll ring you during break, and you can ring me anytime you want, I don’t care if I’m in lesson, I want you to ring me if you need me, okay,” Jack says, reaching to grip Alex’s fingers to halt his movements, to stop him almost easing his joints from their sockets.
Alex nods, squeezes Jack’s fingers in his and sighs softly as Jack leans forwards to press their lips together, eyes closing to savour the feeling of Jack against him, warm and soft and real.
When Jack pulls back, he stands up, loosening his fingers from Alex’s only to feel Alex’s grip tighten, glancing to the older boy to see him frowning and staring at the younger boy’s hip where his shirt has ridden up slightly. “Jack, what happened?” he asks, worrying creasing his features as he looks from Jack’s face and back to his side. The younger boy pulls his hand free, pulling his shirt down to cover the flash of dark healing skin. He shrugs.
“It’s nothing; it was my own fault,” Jack replies, sitting down on the edge of the coffee table and pulling his backpack onto his lap from the floor. Alex frowns, insides squirming uncomfortably as he thinks about how their whole relationship seems to be based upon keeping things from each other, and he knows he’s the most guilty partner, hiding all the beatings he’s received in the past until it became almost impossible and Jack found out by himself, even then Alex never confirmed who was doing it, but it was obvious.
He’s still lying to Jack now, managing to avoid any sort of confrontation involving what happened with the police at the hospital, and then saying he’s okay with Jack leaving when really he’s petrified of being on his own. He can’t tell Jack that though, he lies to look after the younger boy, and yet he still ends up hurting him anyway.
Jack clears his throat then, standing up and swinging his backpack onto his shoulders, his eyes avoiding the older boy. “I’ll be home later then, just, please call me if you need me,” he says, walking around the sofa and standing behind it, up by the older boy’s head. He finally drops his eyes to his face, giving Alex a soft smile and pushing his fingers through the boy’s hair.
Alex nods, watches as Jack turns and makes his way out of the room, twisting on his side he pulls himself up, wincing slightly and gripping onto the back of the sofa as he calls the younger boy, teeth biting into his bottom lip as Jack stalls by the door, hand gripping onto the doorframe as he tilts his head to the side slightly. “I love you,” Alex says, and Jack smiles a little more genuinely, nodding and replying, “I love you too.”
Glancing towards the window, Alex’s gaze smooths back to the younger boy as he says, “stay safe.” And Jack’s nodding again, head dipping down before he gives a wave and leaves the house. Alex sighs, twisting round and resisting the urge to whimper at the movement, burying his face under the blankets Jack hauled down from his room for him.
-
Alex doesn’t move from the sofa all morning, just stays tucked up under the blankets, dozing in and out of a fitful slumber. He wishes Jack were here, he wishes he were brave enough to just admit that yes, he’s scared and he doesn’t want to be left alone. Hell, he wishes none of this ever happened, that his mother never passed away and that his father never became abusive, he doesn’t know why he got dealt such a shit hand in life, and he feels guilty for dragging Jack down with him. Jack deserves the world and more, he deserves someone who can love him unconditionally, someone whose problems wouldn’t affect his life, someone who can take him out and show him a good time.
And yet he’s stuck with Alex, a broken boy with enough issues and problems to last a lifetime.
Sniffing back the suffocating smothering of emotions, Alex lifts a shaky hand to wipe the wet from his cheeks, droplets sliding down his cheeks, pooling into his hairline as he lays on his back. He closes his eyes, trying to think of moments he’s shared with Jack which weren’t filled with pain and frustration and sobs. He thinks of the early days of their relationship, the way Jack used to look at him with pure adoration and happiness. The jagged ball of emotion that sits constantly in his chest seems to become colder and nastier as he thinks of the way Jack looks at him now, there’s always a layer of sadness and pain in his irises, a worn out look that makes Alex’s stomach twist and although the love is there, it’s just hard to really enjoy it when there’s so much negativity surrounding it.
He knows he needs to do something, he needs to sort himself out before Jack gets the guts up to walk away, to leave Alex slumped in the mess of the hurricane his life has become, leave him with the wreckage of his father’s actions, the shrapnel from an explosive downfall in his life.
Letting out a shaky breath, he lifts his hand to the top of the blanket, tugging it down until the cool air hits his flushed cheeks. He slowly pulls himself into a sitting position, reaching out to curl his fingers around his phone on the coffee table and to tug the device closer to himself, teeth gnawing at his bottom lip as he flicks through his contacts.
-
Barely even break time in school and Jack’s already going out of his mind, his teeth biting at his fingernails as his leg bounces nervously against the tiles of the classroom floor. He got to school late this morning, what with fussing over Alex, his thoughts haven’t left the older boy, not that Alex ever really leaves his thoughts, he’s too much of an important figure in the younger boy’s life to ever be out of his mind.
When the bell for break eventually rings, Jack stumbles out of his class, barely gripping his books as he walks away from his desk, pushing past students without much care as to who he’s knocking into, he gets into the corridor, gritting his teeth and leading himself through the crowds to his locker. He disposes of his books, ducking as he sees Rian. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to the older boy, it’s just he needs to get outside as quick as possible.
Once outside, he moves towards an empty bench, setting his backpack on the top and sitting down before pulling his cell phone from his pocket. He locates Alex’s name, pressing the call button and waiting nervously as the phone rings.
After three rings, Alex picks up, and Jack smiles as he hears the older boy’s voice greeting him.
“Hey baby, how’s everything?” he asks, eyes scanning the students in front of him lazily. He feels less on edge with Alex’s voice just down the line.
“It’s okay; I’ve just been sleeping really. How’s school?”
“Boring, even worse without you here, I might just come home at lunch and skip my last two classes; I only have math and study hall,”
“You shouldn’t do that, you suck at math, you need all the teaching you can get.”
Rolling his eyes fondly, Jack says, “I know, you always tell me I suck at it. We should watch a movie when I get home, that way it gives me an excuse to snuggle you.”
He hears Alex laugh softly, and it makes him smile against his phone. “You don’t need an excuse to snuggle me.” Jack hums in reply, biting his lip on a smile.
-
Hours later finds Jack on the sofa with Alex, the younger boy biting down on his bottom lip as he hovers over the older boy, his fingertips brushing the older boy’s cheek softly. Home Alone is playing in the background, but neither boy is paying any mind to it, not after Alex had tried to convince Jack to go back to school and so Jack had kissed the thought away.
“When do you get your cast off?” Jack asks softly, watching the action of his fingers smoothing across Alex’s skin.
“Doctor said six weeks to be sure, I should get the bindings off in a week though,” he replies, shifting the cast where it rests beside him, pressing to the back of the sofa.
“That’s good, I guess, these bindings suck, huh?” It’s more rhetorical than anything, but Alex nods anyway, breath sucking in as Jack’s fingers fall from his cheeks to press up under the sweatshirt Alex is wearing, Jack’s sweatshirt.
“When uhm, I mean, what are we gonna do about my stuff? If- if I’m going to be staying here, I’m going to need my stuff, that’s if he’s not smashed it all up,” Alex asks, biting his lip as their eyes meet. Jack shrugs, flicking his eyes back down to watch as his fingertips run across the older boy’s lower abdomen, the boy shivering slightly under his touch, stomach muscles tensing up.
“I’ll ask my parents to get it for you; I don’t want you going there again,” Jack replies, glancing back up to see Alex’s expression. The older boy frowns, shifts and says, “but-but Jack I have to, I-I need things that they won’t know to get.”
Jack shrugs. “You can make a list of what you want.”
“Jack please, you can’t stop me from going back to my home,” Alex states, pushing Jack’s hand away from his skin as he tries to get the boy’s full attention.
With a sigh, Jack moves back, pushing his hair back out of his eyes. “I’m trying to protect you Alex, last time you went against what I said, look what- you got yourself-” he cuts himself off, tugging at his bangs in frustration. He doesn’t want to upset Alex, but he’s just so frustrating at times.
“J-Jack, I- come back? Please, I don’t like it when you move away from me like that,” Alex says, biting his lip as his eyes widen. He can see Jack getting wound up, and that’s the last thing he wants, not now, not when they were getting on, settled in a comfortable warm bubble of ignorance of everything that’s gone on. But it appears that bubble has been popped, and Alex is falling without anything to grip on to.
“You make it seem like I’m always trying to get away from you, fuck Alex, I’m always trying to get closer, you’re the one who’s always pushing me away,” Jack says and Alex nods quickly, almost desperately.
“I know, I’m sorry, don’t- please.” He pauses, sitting up and wincing as his ribs protest from the movement. “I love you.” He bites his lip, hoping Jack will actually look at him, that the frown settled on his features will disintegrate into a soft smile. It doesn’t, instead he scoffs, says, “you know you say that a lot, but you never show me you do.”
“W-what- I know I’ve not been the best boyfriend, Jack, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you, I wouldn’t lie about that.” When Jack remains silent, Alex feels himself starting to panic, he can’t lose Jack, not now, not after everything that’s happened. “Jack, I wouldn’t, I don’t know how I’m supposed to prove that I’m not ly-”
“Testify,” the younger boy cuts off, and Alex blanches, eyebrows drawing together as Jack looks at him.
“What?”
“Testify in court that your father has been beating the shit out of you on a weekly occurrence for the last few years,” Jack states, and Alex feels his breath choke in his chest with how bluntly Jack just said those words. He frowns, feeling the hurt start to seep in and then the switch flicks and he feels the anger swell at Jack’s words, a way to prevent himself from getting hurt further.
“I have to testify whether I want to or not Jack, I don’t know if you know the laws of child abuse, but considering I’m considered a minor, it means that I have no say in whether they press charges or not, it’s out of my hands, Jack. And also, don’t tell me that I have to stand in front of a court full of strangers and relive some of the most horrific things I’ve ever experienced just to prove I love you, if you need proof like that, then maybe I’m in love with the wrong damn person,” he snaps, staring hard at the younger boy.
Jack frowns, goes to open his mouth only to hear a knock on the front door, three raps echoing through the house in quick succession. Alex feels his heart leap into his throat, and he pulls himself up from the sofa.
“I wanted to do something really nice for you tonight, because I don’t think you deserve all the shit that I’ve put you through, I doubt there’s any point now, is there?” he says, before turning on his heel and leaving the room. Jack bites his lip, feeling his frustration die down and he curses himself for letting his frustration and anger get the better of him.
Another knock on the front door brings him from his thoughts, and he sniffs back the regret at what’s just happened and moves towards the front door, wiping his eyes and clearing his throat before tugging the door open.
His eyes widen as he sees two uniformed police officers stood on his doorstep.
“Is Mrs Barakat home? We’re here regarding a Mister Alexander Gaskarth,” the taller one announces, looking down at Jack.
“That’s-that’s my mom, she’s at work right now, what- you’re here about Alex?” he questions, voice shaking slightly as he switches his weight from one foot to the other. The officer nods.
“Is Mister Gaskarth here?” he then asks, and Jack glances behind him and up the stairs before looking back to the police.
“He’s upstairs but he’s- I don’t think he wants to see anyone, can you tell me whatever it is?”
“I assume your Mrs Barakat’s son?”
“Yeah, I uh- I’m Alex’s boyfriend, you can tell me, I-I can tell my mom when she’s home, is it bad news?”
-
Alex finds himself in the bathroom, the door locked. He stands in front of the bathroom mirror, hand rested on the rim of the basin. He’s staring at his own reflection, the pale complexion of his skin, the dark brown circles that rim his eyes, his hair is a mess, curling and too long, grown out of the style he used to have. He looks skinnier than he’s ever been before, eyes seeming to have lost the almost honey golden fleck they used to glow with and the fact that his eyes look so dead and emotionless scares even himself.
He doesn’t know what he’s doing here, beaten and bruised, he’s like some of disease, he decides, infecting and ruining the lives of everyone he meets and gets close to. He’s ruined Jack’s life, ruined Jack’s idea of love, he’s took his years which should have been spent carefree and laughing, having fun and doing things he can only get away with at this age, and yet Alex has took that all away from him, instead shoved him into a world of pain to cope with the things a boy his age should never have to go through.
He wishes his dad had focused his beatings a little more on his skull, maybe if he’d killed Alex, things would be better, sure, it would cripple Jack to lose him, he doesn’t doubt that, but he’d spring back, he’d find someone else to love him and treat him better. His eyes seem to zone in on the razor beside the sink, and he bites his lip, feeling a sob curl up his throat because he just feels so helpless right now.
A knock on the bathroom door breaks him from his thoughts, fingers loosening their tight grip on the basin as he sucks in a deep breath. “Alex, baby, can you open the door?” Jack’s voice echoes into the room, slightly muffled by the wooden door. Alex wipes quickly at his cheeks with his fingers, hand sliding underneath his nose as he sniffs. “Alex please, I’m- I’m sorry, okay? But I have some good news, I- well, I hope it’s good news for you.”
Alex stays quiet, casting his eyes to the door, he steps closer, breathing slightly choppy as the wet continues to trail down his cheeks. He presses his forehead to the door when he reaches it, closing his eyes and listening to Jack shuffling around outside. “I’m sorry for underestimating your love for me, I just- this is hard, y’know? I want to help you but I don’t know how, and that makes me feel like shit, everything just seems to be the same old record, we fight, we make up, it’s the same old same old.” He hears the younger boy’s voice crack, the noticeable sounds of sniffling and he feels his heart crack at the thought of Jack crying out there on the landing, all by himself.
“Maybe I’m not good for you, I mean, something isn’t meshing right, you know? Maybe I should let you go, I guess I’ve been selfish with keeping you with me, I just love you so much, but if- if you want to go, then I respect that, I’ll teach myself to respect that, we- we don’t want to be like Romeo and Juliet, do we? If they’d let each other go, they might have survived -or at least Juliet would have, but then I guess that would have ruined the whole ‘star-crossed lovers’ thing Shakespeare had going- I don’t want you to be my Romeo or Juliet, I want you to be my Alex, and if that means you not being my Alex at all, then I’ll learn to accept that.” Biting his lip, Alex reaches for the door handle, unlocking it and stepping to the side as he opens it.
He stands in the doorway, looking at the younger boy, Jack looking straight back at him. “Please don’t let me go,” he whispers, feeling the wet creep up in eyes. Jack nods, steps forwards and pulls the older boy closer, squeezing him tight and Alex grips onto his shirt, gasping slightly at their contact, only pulling Jack in even more so as the boy tries to pull away.
“Don’t ever forget I love you,” Alex mumbles. “Don’t even underestimate it for a second.” He presses his face into Jack’s hair, breathing steadily as he tries to calm himself down.
Part Sixteen.
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A/N Well, their emotions are all over the place! But it’s intentional, I want it to be clear that neither of them have a clear head, they’re both thinking and worrying about too much, which causes them to think irrationally, and also to change their minds easily without really thinking everything through.
Anyway, this is my last post here before I have my operation on Friday! I’m only having four molars out, so it’s nothing big, but they’re putting me under anaesthetic for it, and I have to stay in overnight, wish me luck! Haha.
Thanks for reading, and if you do think their emotions are TOO all over the place, feel free to tell me so. Idk, to me it seems justified when you think about the recent happenings with them.