The Girl Whose Time Was Wrong
Wrote this on Sunday night but LJ was being difficult.
I just got back from having dinner with my Wonderful Ex-Roommie. I got lost and was late and almost ran out of gas on the way back, but over all it fell in line with the theme of the day: perspective. I told the WxR that I'm planning on withdrawing from my classes tomorrow morning and there was no shock or pity or disappointment. We talked a little about what kind of job I might look for, and the boy she's dating and the roller derby western regional championship going on. We drank milkshakes. The world didn't end.
This morning my Brother-in-law gave me a short Sufi parable to read. It was called 'The Man Whose Time Was Wrong' and it was about me (the gender bit must have been lost in translation). It's a simple story about things happening when they need to happen and the fruitless frustration caused by expecting a more convenient schedule. It's about submitting to the will of God, like most Sufi stuff. The man is a happy and comfortable merchant with friends and family but somehow his fortunes turn, his ships get caught in storms and his lands are ravaged by someone else's war. His friends try to help but he still loses everything. That bit I like to call 'getting fired from a job I loved'. He sets off to see his King, to ask his help and advice. After the disastrous trip and a lot of hard work he reaches the King. The man is disappointed that the King merely assigns him a flock of 100 sheep and sends him off. The sheep all die of some plague. This time he isn't so disappointed when the King gives him 50 more sheep. The whole herd is attacked by wild dogs and driven off a cliff. This part here is my return to grad school. The work is easier than teaching, easier than my previous studies, but I just can't do it. Finally, finally, a tiny new herd flourishes and the man is happy. The King then grants him his own lands to govern. The man remembers his initial disappointment and asks why he didn't receive the land when he had nothing. The King tells him if he had governed these people before they would all be dead by now. I'm not sure what this part is.
So now I'm in one of those sheep-herding iterations. But I'm hoping that quitting my classes is recognizing that just because I think I should be able to do something doesn't mean I can. I'll focus on finishing my incompletes, finding a job (ha!) and maybe even on being me. It's a smaller herd.
I just got back from having dinner with my Wonderful Ex-Roommie. I got lost and was late and almost ran out of gas on the way back, but over all it fell in line with the theme of the day: perspective. I told the WxR that I'm planning on withdrawing from my classes tomorrow morning and there was no shock or pity or disappointment. We talked a little about what kind of job I might look for, and the boy she's dating and the roller derby western regional championship going on. We drank milkshakes. The world didn't end.
This morning my Brother-in-law gave me a short Sufi parable to read. It was called 'The Man Whose Time Was Wrong' and it was about me (the gender bit must have been lost in translation). It's a simple story about things happening when they need to happen and the fruitless frustration caused by expecting a more convenient schedule. It's about submitting to the will of God, like most Sufi stuff. The man is a happy and comfortable merchant with friends and family but somehow his fortunes turn, his ships get caught in storms and his lands are ravaged by someone else's war. His friends try to help but he still loses everything. That bit I like to call 'getting fired from a job I loved'. He sets off to see his King, to ask his help and advice. After the disastrous trip and a lot of hard work he reaches the King. The man is disappointed that the King merely assigns him a flock of 100 sheep and sends him off. The sheep all die of some plague. This time he isn't so disappointed when the King gives him 50 more sheep. The whole herd is attacked by wild dogs and driven off a cliff. This part here is my return to grad school. The work is easier than teaching, easier than my previous studies, but I just can't do it. Finally, finally, a tiny new herd flourishes and the man is happy. The King then grants him his own lands to govern. The man remembers his initial disappointment and asks why he didn't receive the land when he had nothing. The King tells him if he had governed these people before they would all be dead by now. I'm not sure what this part is.
So now I'm in one of those sheep-herding iterations. But I'm hoping that quitting my classes is recognizing that just because I think I should be able to do something doesn't mean I can. I'll focus on finishing my incompletes, finding a job (ha!) and maybe even on being me. It's a smaller herd.