none. really.
I don't think I have anything to say, but that may just be because I've fallen out of the habit. So I'm opening this page to see what - if anything - comes out.
I just planted some basil and tomato plants in pots on the back porch. They smell wonderful. It was the first time in a couple of days that I stepped out of my apartment. As I walked home on Friday, knowing that I'd be spending the weekend by myself I resolved to make myself leave the place at least once a day. But then yesterday (Saturday) there were menstrual cramps and extra-strength sluggishness. There was also some rain. I opened a few windows and drank in the smell of the approaching storm. It was over too quickly though. I miss the eternal daily downpours of rainy season in the Caribbean.
I plan to go to The Island in July, which is soon now that it's June. I haven't bought plane tickets though. I hate that I don't let myself enjoy the anticipation of a trip that I want to make, because I feel guilty that I won't be spending the time with my mother. Right now I'm particularly vulnerable to her because I know she's worried about me, and I hate making people worry about me. It doesn't help that her worry leaves a selfish aftertaste in my mouth. Her worry feels like it's more about her than about me. I know she loves me, but she doesn't quite know how to keep me separate from her sense of self. And I've always had her emotions bleed into mine. I've been trying to do something about that, but right now I don't know what I'm feeling and I have no clue which way is up.
I'm feeling fat. In anticipation of going to Puerto Rico and being in warm weather I've started trying to do push-ups. I can't really do them properly. I can only dip down far enough for my hair to touch the floor. For some reason I never got the hang of girl-push-ups. Whenever I try them I end up stretching, with no real memory of having decided to do something else.
I didn't go to yoga at all last week because I twisted my ankle over the weekend. It feels much better now even after walking home on it a couple of times. On one of those walks I saw a large cardboard box on the sidewalk by someone's entryway. It had the word Freeish written on the side in large letters. That got my attention. When I stopped to look I found, in smaller print Paperbacks. Name your price. There was only one book left - a sadly uninteresting one. I'm ridiculously curious to know whether they were successful in their free-market endeavor. Ridiculously.
Speaking of which, the Wonderful Roommate and I made a co-dependent purchase of an Eye of the Tiger themed shirt. In my head it's a Supernatural shout out and thus vastly amusing. I haven't worn it though.
School feels like it's drawing to a close. I'm starting to mourn the loss already. I've allowed my life to be too centered on my work, and now that it's dissolving I'm having trouble facing the empty spaces I've neglected. The truly scary part is that there are plenty of empty spaces in my work too.
The mouse just ran across the door way. Why isn't it outside frolicking in the sun? Stupid mouse.
I'm in a weird stalemate with my DVDs. I just got a bunch in the mail from netflix, but I can't remember what they are. So I want to look up my queue online, but that seems silly - I should just open them. I don't think to do that unless I'm comfy on my couch with the computer in my lap. But it seems wrong somehow to check online when it's right there. So I'm living with the suspense.
Been considering writing about movies here. Last one I saw was The man who copied a Brazilian film that was SO much better than its synopsis. It managed to shift gears a couple of times in a way that was unexpected, jarring and disjointed but still engaging. It went kinda dark-side and giggly-cute too. Like the director hijacked his own film and ran gleefully in a different direction. For some reason I really enjoyed that.
Yes, my life really is this exciting. The stories I have are all from school. This week I actually heard a 15 year old begin a sentence with "In the refugee camp where I lived..." I'm gonna miss that. *watery smile*
That's it I guess. Gonna go get some ibuprofen and turn up the volume on the grunge that's been keeping me company.
I just planted some basil and tomato plants in pots on the back porch. They smell wonderful. It was the first time in a couple of days that I stepped out of my apartment. As I walked home on Friday, knowing that I'd be spending the weekend by myself I resolved to make myself leave the place at least once a day. But then yesterday (Saturday) there were menstrual cramps and extra-strength sluggishness. There was also some rain. I opened a few windows and drank in the smell of the approaching storm. It was over too quickly though. I miss the eternal daily downpours of rainy season in the Caribbean.
I plan to go to The Island in July, which is soon now that it's June. I haven't bought plane tickets though. I hate that I don't let myself enjoy the anticipation of a trip that I want to make, because I feel guilty that I won't be spending the time with my mother. Right now I'm particularly vulnerable to her because I know she's worried about me, and I hate making people worry about me. It doesn't help that her worry leaves a selfish aftertaste in my mouth. Her worry feels like it's more about her than about me. I know she loves me, but she doesn't quite know how to keep me separate from her sense of self. And I've always had her emotions bleed into mine. I've been trying to do something about that, but right now I don't know what I'm feeling and I have no clue which way is up.
I'm feeling fat. In anticipation of going to Puerto Rico and being in warm weather I've started trying to do push-ups. I can't really do them properly. I can only dip down far enough for my hair to touch the floor. For some reason I never got the hang of girl-push-ups. Whenever I try them I end up stretching, with no real memory of having decided to do something else.
I didn't go to yoga at all last week because I twisted my ankle over the weekend. It feels much better now even after walking home on it a couple of times. On one of those walks I saw a large cardboard box on the sidewalk by someone's entryway. It had the word Freeish written on the side in large letters. That got my attention. When I stopped to look I found, in smaller print Paperbacks. Name your price. There was only one book left - a sadly uninteresting one. I'm ridiculously curious to know whether they were successful in their free-market endeavor. Ridiculously.
Speaking of which, the Wonderful Roommate and I made a co-dependent purchase of an Eye of the Tiger themed shirt. In my head it's a Supernatural shout out and thus vastly amusing. I haven't worn it though.
School feels like it's drawing to a close. I'm starting to mourn the loss already. I've allowed my life to be too centered on my work, and now that it's dissolving I'm having trouble facing the empty spaces I've neglected. The truly scary part is that there are plenty of empty spaces in my work too.
The mouse just ran across the door way. Why isn't it outside frolicking in the sun? Stupid mouse.
I'm in a weird stalemate with my DVDs. I just got a bunch in the mail from netflix, but I can't remember what they are. So I want to look up my queue online, but that seems silly - I should just open them. I don't think to do that unless I'm comfy on my couch with the computer in my lap. But it seems wrong somehow to check online when it's right there. So I'm living with the suspense.
Been considering writing about movies here. Last one I saw was The man who copied a Brazilian film that was SO much better than its synopsis. It managed to shift gears a couple of times in a way that was unexpected, jarring and disjointed but still engaging. It went kinda dark-side and giggly-cute too. Like the director hijacked his own film and ran gleefully in a different direction. For some reason I really enjoyed that.
Yes, my life really is this exciting. The stories I have are all from school. This week I actually heard a 15 year old begin a sentence with "In the refugee camp where I lived..." I'm gonna miss that. *watery smile*
That's it I guess. Gonna go get some ibuprofen and turn up the volume on the grunge that's been keeping me company.