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First commentary. Finished smutathon fic, btw.
Original story here.
I had almost forgotten I’d even written this. This is about the second fic I wrote in my second sojourn into HP fandom-I was on hiatus for awhile, and this is one of the first things I wrote when I got back.
It's nearly dawn, and I'm still kneeling on the floor of my locked bedroom, gasping for breath. Merlin, this transformation was horrible, even worse than usual.
How am I so calm about this?
Snape hasn't been around to make my potion in months, obviously, but this one's worse than it's been since my school days, I think. The beast is still lurking, too-makes my breathing sound an awful lot like low growls in the early morning silence.
The growl-breathing might have actually been the idea that spawned this. Oh wait, no. I actually had been planning to make Lily the center of a conflict for awhile-the original plot plan went something like “Lily + (James x Amortentia) = Sirius x Remus (H/C)” Yeah, I’m kinda lame like that. Anyway, that obviously got scrapped, and Lily became the villain in this. Which you will see very shortly.
This hasn't happened in a long time...the moon set half an hour ago, but the wolf's still back there. I can feel him pacing around in the part of me that's his.
You know, I’m not quite sure about this. I guess I always thought that Remus’ very existence fought with Moony’s-Fenrir is an example of what happens when the wolf wins, I guess.
I know he wants to devour me, destroy what's left of the man. Merlin, I feel like a rabbit. What's happening to me? It hasn't been like this since-
Dawning comprehension. I realize the plot of the story. I really didn’t have one before this point.
Merlin. Since Lily.
They told me all about it, afterward, that James had a date with Lily that he couldn't back out of-he told me himself, later, seemed torn up over it-but all I knew at the time was that James didn't show up. James never didn't show up.
Hee, double negative. I am such a dork.
Even over summer holidays, he'd sometimes visit, just to be with me...
"Remus?" a voice calls softly, knocking gently on my door, and Merlin, it's his voice. The snarl dies in my throat, slipping into a much higher whine.
I try to force out a hopeful "James?" but the message gets lost somewhere along the way, and it comes out as a half whimper.
"Remus? Are you alright?"
“Are you stupid, Potter? I just returned to being a man. Of course I’m not alright, asshat!”
Part of me knows that he's too smart to come in here while I might still be dangerous, but more of me-the part I don't think the wolf minds so much-hopes he will. Just so I can see him again. I haven't seen him in... However long, it's been too long... Merlin, I miss him...
Remus is getting his time periods mixed up. I guess being a wolf will do that to you.
The door creaks open, and I'm so happy I almost want to cry-in the shadows of almost-dawn, he's exactly like I remember him, all skinny legs and messy hair, all his half-dressed glory, and oh, Merlin, it's been so long!
I know I should be at least faintly ashamed, crawling to him like this, but I just can't seem to care, I've missed him so much! He's kneeling now, too, and suddenly, I want to lick his face.
So, I do. I don't know why, but I guess, you know, having the wolf prowling around in my consciousness makes it seem like a really good idea.
I totally ripped this phrasing off of someone in another fandom. The ‘makes it seem like a really good idea’ part. I don’t remember who it was, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t make it up.
He chuckles a little, but somehow, he doesn't seem like himself, though when I climb into his lap, he responds the way he always does, with arms tight around my bony waist and warm breathing against my ear. I kiss him quickly, and it's all rough teeth and he's exactly the way I remember him. Playfully, my hand finds its way between his legs, and he clutches me tighter, with that lusty little moan I missed so much.
I look up into his eyes, finding him looking back, like always, but there's something wrong with them-I can barely tell, in the barely pre-dawn shadow, but-
Merlin! That bitch! He has Lily's eyes!
I snarl, shoving him away, and I guess the beast saw its opportunity in my shock, because I can't really think anymore and all I know is that this...this woman
Dude, I almost feel like ‘woman’ is the same thing as ‘whore.’ I didn’t know I could do that!
took my mate from me, destroyed him! My hands are changing, but I don't notice, because I'm still kneeling on the floor, bristling, snarling at this-this shell of the man I loved, wondering how she did it, how I can make her hurt the most-
I'll do what she did to me. He was mine. I'll show her.
My teeth are getting longer, and my face is changing, but it doesn't tear the way it normally does, it's more of a pleased, smouldering ache-but I can't think about that right now, I know what I have to do.
Again, a bit of Greyback. I guess I was channeling him for Remus.
I growl and bark, and I know that I've already won when he doesn't move, when he just stares at me with those disgustingly green eyes.
I hate that it’s always, OMG YOU’RE JAMES WITH LILY’S LOVELY EYES!!!!!11! I’m like, screw that.
"R-re..remus?" He sounds scared, and I growl again, savouring the terror. She can't beat me. He was mine first!
The smell of her fear isn't enough anymore, though it's so strong I can almost taste it flowing off of him. I jump on him, pinning him to the ground with my stronger carnal body.
Now that just sounds ridiculous.
He's trembling beneath me, and for a moment, the nearness of my mate almost overrides my hatred of her, a small whine forming before my lips curl back again into a snarling mess.
"Remus!" he chokes out, a half-shriek, and all desire is gone, and I'm thinking only of how much I hate her, how I'm saving him from her.
I've completely lost it, now. I don't know what I'm doing-I only know that my muzzle's all sticky, all I can smell is hot, fresh blood and absolute fear, and it's intoxicating.
Omg, Greyback.
Those awful eyes of hers are staring at me, and on a whim, I drag my claws through them-they make a deliciously wet bursting sound.
I seriously don’t even know.
I prance back a couple of paces, pleased with myself for eliminating my rival, for saving my mate, and I howl.
I howl as loud as I can, in utter triumph.
I look again at the body of my mate, knowing that now she'll never have him, and I whimper a little. He's so still...
Merlin. I killed him. I really killed him.
But at least she won't have him, won't be able to give him an awful cub-
Merlin. Cub. Son. Harry.
I totally had this line from like the middle of the story.
Original story here.
I had almost forgotten I’d even written this. This is about the second fic I wrote in my second sojourn into HP fandom-I was on hiatus for awhile, and this is one of the first things I wrote when I got back.
It's nearly dawn, and I'm still kneeling on the floor of my locked bedroom, gasping for breath. Merlin, this transformation was horrible, even worse than usual.
How am I so calm about this?
Snape hasn't been around to make my potion in months, obviously, but this one's worse than it's been since my school days, I think. The beast is still lurking, too-makes my breathing sound an awful lot like low growls in the early morning silence.
The growl-breathing might have actually been the idea that spawned this. Oh wait, no. I actually had been planning to make Lily the center of a conflict for awhile-the original plot plan went something like “Lily + (James x Amortentia) = Sirius x Remus (H/C)” Yeah, I’m kinda lame like that. Anyway, that obviously got scrapped, and Lily became the villain in this. Which you will see very shortly.
This hasn't happened in a long time...the moon set half an hour ago, but the wolf's still back there. I can feel him pacing around in the part of me that's his.
You know, I’m not quite sure about this. I guess I always thought that Remus’ very existence fought with Moony’s-Fenrir is an example of what happens when the wolf wins, I guess.
I know he wants to devour me, destroy what's left of the man. Merlin, I feel like a rabbit. What's happening to me? It hasn't been like this since-
Dawning comprehension. I realize the plot of the story. I really didn’t have one before this point.
Merlin. Since Lily.
They told me all about it, afterward, that James had a date with Lily that he couldn't back out of-he told me himself, later, seemed torn up over it-but all I knew at the time was that James didn't show up. James never didn't show up.
Hee, double negative. I am such a dork.
Even over summer holidays, he'd sometimes visit, just to be with me...
"Remus?" a voice calls softly, knocking gently on my door, and Merlin, it's his voice. The snarl dies in my throat, slipping into a much higher whine.
I try to force out a hopeful "James?" but the message gets lost somewhere along the way, and it comes out as a half whimper.
"Remus? Are you alright?"
“Are you stupid, Potter? I just returned to being a man. Of course I’m not alright, asshat!”
Part of me knows that he's too smart to come in here while I might still be dangerous, but more of me-the part I don't think the wolf minds so much-hopes he will. Just so I can see him again. I haven't seen him in... However long, it's been too long... Merlin, I miss him...
Remus is getting his time periods mixed up. I guess being a wolf will do that to you.
The door creaks open, and I'm so happy I almost want to cry-in the shadows of almost-dawn, he's exactly like I remember him, all skinny legs and messy hair, all his half-dressed glory, and oh, Merlin, it's been so long!
I know I should be at least faintly ashamed, crawling to him like this, but I just can't seem to care, I've missed him so much! He's kneeling now, too, and suddenly, I want to lick his face.
So, I do. I don't know why, but I guess, you know, having the wolf prowling around in my consciousness makes it seem like a really good idea.
I totally ripped this phrasing off of someone in another fandom. The ‘makes it seem like a really good idea’ part. I don’t remember who it was, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t make it up.
He chuckles a little, but somehow, he doesn't seem like himself, though when I climb into his lap, he responds the way he always does, with arms tight around my bony waist and warm breathing against my ear. I kiss him quickly, and it's all rough teeth and he's exactly the way I remember him. Playfully, my hand finds its way between his legs, and he clutches me tighter, with that lusty little moan I missed so much.
I look up into his eyes, finding him looking back, like always, but there's something wrong with them-I can barely tell, in the barely pre-dawn shadow, but-
Merlin! That bitch! He has Lily's eyes!
I snarl, shoving him away, and I guess the beast saw its opportunity in my shock, because I can't really think anymore and all I know is that this...this woman
Dude, I almost feel like ‘woman’ is the same thing as ‘whore.’ I didn’t know I could do that!
took my mate from me, destroyed him! My hands are changing, but I don't notice, because I'm still kneeling on the floor, bristling, snarling at this-this shell of the man I loved, wondering how she did it, how I can make her hurt the most-
I'll do what she did to me. He was mine. I'll show her.
My teeth are getting longer, and my face is changing, but it doesn't tear the way it normally does, it's more of a pleased, smouldering ache-but I can't think about that right now, I know what I have to do.
Again, a bit of Greyback. I guess I was channeling him for Remus.
I growl and bark, and I know that I've already won when he doesn't move, when he just stares at me with those disgustingly green eyes.
I hate that it’s always, OMG YOU’RE JAMES WITH LILY’S LOVELY EYES!!!!!11! I’m like, screw that.
"R-re..remus?" He sounds scared, and I growl again, savouring the terror. She can't beat me. He was mine first!
The smell of her fear isn't enough anymore, though it's so strong I can almost taste it flowing off of him. I jump on him, pinning him to the ground with my stronger carnal body.
Now that just sounds ridiculous.
He's trembling beneath me, and for a moment, the nearness of my mate almost overrides my hatred of her, a small whine forming before my lips curl back again into a snarling mess.
"Remus!" he chokes out, a half-shriek, and all desire is gone, and I'm thinking only of how much I hate her, how I'm saving him from her.
I've completely lost it, now. I don't know what I'm doing-I only know that my muzzle's all sticky, all I can smell is hot, fresh blood and absolute fear, and it's intoxicating.
Omg, Greyback.
Those awful eyes of hers are staring at me, and on a whim, I drag my claws through them-they make a deliciously wet bursting sound.
I seriously don’t even know.
I prance back a couple of paces, pleased with myself for eliminating my rival, for saving my mate, and I howl.
I howl as loud as I can, in utter triumph.
I look again at the body of my mate, knowing that now she'll never have him, and I whimper a little. He's so still...
Merlin. I killed him. I really killed him.
But at least she won't have him, won't be able to give him an awful cub-
Merlin. Cub. Son. Harry.
I totally had this line from like the middle of the story.