Twice Shy (Taemin/Minji)
Twice Shy
Taemin/Minji
Minji's working relationship with Taemin is far from conventional.
twice shy
Congratulations, I'm having visions of us
Breaking everything on our way outta town.
Dragonette; Pick Up The Phone
“Minji-ssi? Are you listening?”
Minji snaps out of her little daydream to blink at the pug-nosed executive seated beside her, his eyes intent and lips greasy from the roast duck that was served just moments earlier. Minji manages a bright grin anyway. “Oh, sorry. Um, what were you saying?”
The executive beams. “I was saying, I’m just so thrilled you’re doing so well solo. You’re so young, and if you agree to maybe considering one or two of our songwriters…”
Blah, blah, blah. Minji tunes out again, her smile frozen on her face. It’s not so much she’s disinterested in the conversation per se; it had been a hectic day in the studio with Jiyong and Teddy, both of whom had been absolutely intent on her sampling some of their newer tracks. And yet here she is, in some suit-swarmed wedding banquet with paparazzo mingling among the stars and executives like this one pestering her about collaborations with their own artistes. There’s nothing Minji finds more boring than such gatherings. Even if it's the wedding banquet of the broadcasting magnate to whom you owed your album’s success.
You’re not allowed to stop smiling, at such events - lest the netizens call you out on being a rude, ungrateful bitch. So Minji maintains her somewhat robotic maniac smile the best she can as the wedding band launches into an acoustic version of Gee.
“…and it’ll be a pop-infused track with some degree of hip-hop, maybe Jiyong-ssi will be interested. What do you think, Minji-ssi? Minji-ssi?”
“Yeah,” Minji says with a polite nod. She absently wonders when people will get that YGE isn’t exactly the collaborative sort. It’s not like they’ve been openly pairing up with the relevant agencies the past few years, anyway. Except that one time, when she was on that variety special with…
The executive returns to his monologue of collaboration talk, and that train of thought dies. Minji hums irritably under her breath and glances discreetly at her phone.
Join us for ramyeon later! Chaerin. Minji grimaces. The executive is diving into his suitcase for documents or something, so she quickly texts back.
Can’t. Leegoon-ssi’s wedding.
Then why are you replying? Pay attention, Minji-yah.
It’s so boooooring. How did you do it?
Tsk. Sit still and smile. Simple.
Minji pouts a little. The executive pops back up, talking a mile a minute as he spreads the papers across the table. Minji sits still and smiles, like Chaerin’s told her to. Simple. …God, she’s not going to survive this.
To be fair, she’d been the maknae of a girl group for most of her young life, and she could afford to not pay attention at most of these things, often excused if she chose to write snatches of lyrics on the underside of a napkin or watch Dara-unni fold a paper crane or two while the festivities were going on. But she’s an adult now, as Youngbae likes to remind her good-naturedly, and so she should start to act like one.
She’s no longer maknae Minzy of 2NE1, but the Gong Minji who’s outsold Krystal Jung’s solo album just the week before.
…Well, that’s a responsibility she’s willing to take. The thought makes her smile, just a little. The pressure to perform had been massive - after Bom’s own successful comeback on the charts, everyone had been expecting the maknae to do even better. Minji lets herself gloat about it for a moment, at least until the executive is shoving a pen into her hand.
“What?” Minji blurts, as the executive babbles on about ‘contract’, ‘collaboration’, ‘co-sign’. It’s the last straw, really, so Minji stands up abruptly - “uh, actually, I need the bathroom, be right back!”
She hurries past the tables of fake laughter and spirited conversation, through the wooden doors at the side of the ballroom before finding herself alone outside the ladies’ washrooms. She blows out her cheeks, catching her reflection in one of the mirrors in the hallway. Pfah, she thinks, to hell with it. She doesn’t want to sit still and smile, adult or not.
She glances around the area to make sure none of the pesky press people had followed her - the coast seems to be clear. She pulls a face in the mirror, as miserable as she can manage, takes a picture with her phone and sends it on its way. Her sunbaes deserve to share in her suffering, she thinks dolefully. Bom-unni, Dara-unni. Daesung-oppa, Top-oppa - oh my god, Top-oppa, not Taemin - cancel, cancel, cancel -
The phone displays a Message Sent, and Minji stares down at it in horror.
Oh no. No. No. Minji can hardly believe her stupidity as her picture appears on the screen again, bug-eyed and pouty. It could be one of those Me2Day blog selca things, and… and she doesn’t look exactly terrible in it but - that’s not the point, she reminds herself with a grit of her teeth. She hasn’t exactly spoken to Lee Taemin for a long time and she isn’t too sure she’s interested in re-igniting their… their so called working relationship.
How is it that she still had his number anyway? Minji frowns. They haven’t spoken for two years.
…Maybe he’s changed his number. Yes. He definitely has. Minji feels a glimpse of hope, then her phone beeps.
Panic grips her momentarily, until she opens up the clamshell to see Dara’s own self-taken picture staring back at her. Eeee, you’re at an important event! Pay attention! Dara-unni will eat your ramyeon~
Minji lets out a sigh of relief. Unni, I have roasted duck here.
Her phone beeps again - Bom. Minji-yahhh, you’re too cute! …aren’t you at a wedding banquet? Hmmm?
Beep, beep. Daesung. Tsk, bad dongsaeng! Hey, why do you have duck and we only have ramyeon? And Chaerin-ah asks why you don’t send her your selca too.
Minji can’t help but smile at Chaerin’s little tantrum - her leader had always been easily jealous of little things like these. Before she can reply, however, another message comes in. Beep, beep. She opens it without thinking and feels her heart still in her chest.
It’s Taemin. There is no text with the message, only his picture with him grinning. He’s the same as she remembered him, crinkly eyes and sweet smile - Minji sinks back against the wall and… she can’t stop staring at the damn picture.
“What the hell?” she hisses, trying to stop her heart from pumping in her ears. Minji grips at her phone, doesn’t even register the applause from the ballroom across the hallway. She swallows, daring to look back at Taemin’s pretty selca, and feels the blood rush to her cheeks. God, he’s as cute as ever, and the worst thing is he seems to absolutely know it.
Beep beep.
Guess where I am. The picture loads, and it’s a blurry capture of a hallway that looks eerily similar to hers. She blinks slowly, and her stomach jolts when she realizes that he may just be here.
In the same hotel.
What, she thinks, trying to calm down as she looks over her shoulder, mentally smacking herself for almost expecting Taemin to be standing there. What…? She steps forward, her heel digging into the plush carpeting as she moves down the hallway. “This can’t be,” she tells herself, wondering why the space around her seems to be spinning.
Her world had always spun for this Lee Taemin boy.
Minji pauses by another mirror and glimpses herself again. Her eyes are too bright, her cheeks are too pink. She’s even shaking a little, which is ridiculous.
He’s just a boy.
In retrospect, Minji wonders what on earth had possessed President Yang to ask her if she might be interested in doing a special for a variety show, a week before 2NE1 went on an extended hiatus. “A dance number with that SHINee boy,” he’d said, tone clipped and dismissive even if his gaze was anything but.
“I thought you didn’t like us going on variety shows…” she’d began, but Yang Goon had shrugged.
“I thought it’d be interesting. Show what you’ve got. Test the waters for your solo.”
Really. The word ‘solo’ was what did it. It was in no part due to the fact that Minji had always wanted to dance with Lee Taemin. No, not at all. But Minji was, at the time, arguably the best dancer among the girl groups - and she had always seen Taemin as her equivalent from the dude groups. Anyway, he had seemed like a nice boy and everything.
Was she ever wrong.
Minji pauses at the corner of the hallway, Taemin’s picture still blinking from her screen as new messages beep in - probably Dara. But Minji doesn’t click to the new texts, only stays on the screen with Taemin’s picture of the hallway. Why, she asks herself with a drop in her stomach, is she unconsciously looking for him? What’s the point? It’s not like they’re friends, anyway.
Friends? I don’t want to be friends with you. Taemin’s little smile, from two years ago. Even now the memory of it makes Minji’s hands tingle.
Oh. That’s fine with me, then. Forget I asked -
I want more than that, Minji-ssi. Is that okay?
The picture in Minji’s cellphone is of a corridor decked in cream wallpaper, soaked in orange glow from the lighting. In the blur she can make out a number seven; he’s a floor down, she realizes, stopping before the lift. She wonders, ever so briefly, if it’d really be so crazy to seek him out. It’s not a big deal, she tells herself. Yoona-unni had been thrilled when Minji told her she’d be on a variety show with Taemin, all those years ago -
Oh, Minji, that’s the cutest thing! He’s liked you for such a long time.
…What?
Ah, you mean I never told you?
Minji doesn’t remember even pressing the button, but the lift doors before her slide open. Minji looks up, startled, and Taemin stands there, head slightly tilted as he bites down on his smile -
And reaches forward to pull her in before the doors close behind her.
It takes Minji a moment to register it’s really Lee Taemin who’s pressing up against her, his nose in her hair. “Taemin,” she manages, but he’s holding her so tight that she can barely breathe. “Taemin,” she says again, and then suddenly he’s close enough for her to count his eyelashes. “What are you doing?”
“Getting to the twenty-first floor,” he says innocently, pressing the button with 21 on it. Then he turns back to her, the mischief in his eyes scaring Minji just that little bit. “…I don’t think you missed me.”
“I didn’t,” she says, keeping her face straight. “How’s school?”
“Huh. Are we really going to talk about school?” Taemin glances at the blinking numbers above the lift doors. “Ten.”
Minji follows his gaze. “Eleven.”
“Twelve.” Taemin looks back at her. “See you at twenty-one.”
And then he kisses her.
He doesn’t know how to stop, this Minji knows - Lee Taemin doesn’t know how to stop. It goes the same way with his dance, with his innocent little grins that have his fans in a frenzy - when Lee Taemin finds something that works for him, he doesn’t stop. His mouth is hot against hers as he closes in, his hands holding the sides of her face. Minji curls her fingers into his own - let me go, let me… she doesn’t remember what she wants to tell him when he deepens the kiss, presses against her so hard that the handrail digs into her back. She barely gets to breathe before he’s caught her again, and the intensity in his eyes makes her lose her breath. “Jerk,” she whispers into his mouth, and his smile is coy when he nips on her bottom lip, eyelashes brushing against her cheek as their gazes meet -
Ping.
The lift doors slide open.
He’s taller than she remembers, and still ridiculously pretty. His hands are the same - gentle in its hold, but firm. He’s laughing as they stumble across the deserted hallway, before Taemin pulls out a keycard and dangles it in front of Minji’s face.
“We’re going to take it one step further tonight, Min-ji,” he says, a tease in his voice as he swipes the card through the reader.
“Nothing’s happening tonight - wait a minute, you have a suite here?”
Taemin takes her hand and leads her into the room, a finger pressed to his lips as his eyes crinkle. “It’s Krystal’s,” he says.
“What - “
“Shhhh.” Taemin shuts the door behind him and pulls her to him, his smile pressed into her shoulder. “I asked for permission.”
“She knows I’m here?”
“No, but you’re a part of me so you don’t count.” Minji has to laugh at the absurdity of his words, and Taemin kisses her again, catching her laughter with his own. Minji pulls away, her nose brushing against his jawline.
“It’s a lie,” she whispers. “You’ve lied to them for years. You’re not shy at all.”
Taemin hums thoughtfully under his breath. “No,” he disagrees, “I was shy around you for the longest time. The music shows. The award shows. I could never talk to you.”
“And so you decided to lock us up in a closet.”
“Hey, I didn’t know if I was ever going to be on the same variety show as you ever again, you know?” Taemin’s eyes soften at the memory. “At the time I thought, ‘ah, if I don’t get Gong Minji’s attention this time, then I’ll never get her attention’.”
Minji shakes her head, trying to smile. “You are so strange,” she murmurs. “Is this something you do? Grab girls backstage and kiss them then leave them hanging for years?”
Taemin’s gaze flickers, and his fingers curl into Minji’s own. “I’ve never grabbed girls backstage and then kissed them in closets,” he corrects gently. “Only you, so far.”
It feels almost like yesterday, now that Minji remembers it - all of their backstage shenanigans to the most minute of details. Her working relationship with Lee Taemin had always consisted of fumbling hands and awkward kisses. Their first kisses. Minji wonders how she’d managed to not think about it for so long when it’s now playing in her head in vivid colour. His shy smile against her own.
“It’s wrong,” she hears herself say. “It’s not like that. We didn’t even…” They had never held hands, never taken a walk in the park, never had phone conversations until morning. Minji doesn’t remember any of the things that people say come with a first love - she only remembers Taemin’s heavy-lidded eyes, his fingers entangled in the strands of her hair as their hearts jumped with every sound outside of the closet door. Can’t get caught, said the voice in her head every time she was with Taemin.
We’ll be in so much trouble.
“Hey,” Taemin says softly, cradling her head in his hands. “Come back, Minji-yah.” Minji doesn’t even notice the tears until Taemin thumbs at her cheek. “Hey,” he repeats. “Minji."
“Did you have fun,” she manages after a moment. “In Japan.”
Taemin smiles into her hair, his breaths warm against her neck as he holds her close. “I did,” he says quietly. “Next time SHINee goes over to promote, I’ll be the most fluent one. And…” he tugs gently at her hair. “I’m moving back to Seoul.”
Minji doesn't respond to that, only stares blankly into the fabric of Taemin’s blazer.
“Listen. When I said we’re going to take it one step further tonight, I wasn’t kidding around.” Taemin pokes her gently at her side, and Minji meets his eyes. “I asked around about you, you know. Then Amber told me you were going to be at this thing. I needed to make things clear to you before I go back to Japan tomorrow.”
“There really isn’t much to say,” Minji says, and she wonders if it’s hurt that she’s seeing in his eyes. “What are we doing? There's no point to this. I...”
They stand there in silence for a long while. Minji swallows, and it aches in her chest - the same ache she felt when Taemin left Seoul two years ago. Left her. It’s the same resolve that steeled her then that is creeping into her now - she would forget all of this tomorrow, just as she had two years back. It’s no big deal, she tells herself.
No big deal at all.
“I have to go,” Minji says at last, pulling away from him. “The banquet. I…I’ll see you around. Maybe. Say hello to Amber-unni for me.” She looks up at him and that’s when she sees his expression wilting. “…Taemin.”
“I don’t know.” Taemin is smiling even as his eyes are wet. “I don’t know, Minji-yah. Please.”
“Taemin,” she says again, and he ducks his head, taking a deep breath as his hands find hers.
“I don’t know what to do. How do we go on dates? How can I take you to the movies, or to an amusement park, or…” His grip on her hand is almost painful, but Minji doesn’t move, only looks back at him and even then he’s blurring in her vision - “how do I call you without someone finding out? How does all of this work? I don’t know how - there isn’t any way we can - but I have to, Minji-yah. I have to be with you.”
The ideal first love doesn’t quite exist for them, Minji thinks, when Taemin draws her to him and holds her. Every person looks forward to the day they will meet that first love, and maybe they’ll hold hands and share candy floss at the amusement park, watch scary movies together after a barbecue beef dinner. With Taemin it’s always been dingy closets and stolen affections, day after day of wondering whether he got his phone confiscated by management, whether he’d have a safe flight, whether or not he’s eating at all on tour. They would never be left alone if they get found out, this she knows.
She wonders why she’d rather have Taemin like this than not have Taemin at all.
“So ask me out,” she says softly. “You drive, I cook. Whatever.”
Taemin makes a sound between a laugh and a sob, and the fondness in his eyes makes Minji's face warm. “I think,” he says into her shoulder, “I’m the better cook out of the two of us.”
It could be a dingy closet, it could be the most expensive hotel suite in Seoul. Minji isn't sure she cares anymore when Taemin is kissing her like this. It doesn't matter, she thinks, her eyes falling close. It doesn't matter at all.
Chaerin is the only one awake when Minji steps through the door of their apartment, her ears still ringing from the overbearing closing song at the banquet. “Did you have fun?” Chaerin asks. Minji nods, not quite meeting Chaerin’s eyes.
“It was good, many people attended,” she says carefully. “I saw Krystal Jung. And Lee Taemin.”
Chaerin looks up, an eyebrow raised as she fixes Minji with a knowing stare. Minji only sort of grins at the leader before ducking into the room that she shares with her 2NE1 unnies.
She places the duvet properly over Bom’s shoulders before slipping into her own bed. Her phone beeps, and Minji holds her breath as Taemin’s name appears on the screen.
When I’m back from Japan, we’ve got a date at Han River. You drive, I’ll cook.
Two years ago, neither of them had a driving license. Minji supposes some things do work out with time. He can probably make some pretty mean sushi now, too, she thinks with a little smile. At least they don’t have to settle for dingy closets anymore. It’s stupid to hope, she knows - but maybe they can give this first love a second chance.
One step at a time, she tells herself, as she hits Send.
See you soon.
Taemin/Minji
Minji's working relationship with Taemin is far from conventional.
twice shy
Congratulations, I'm having visions of us
Breaking everything on our way outta town.
Dragonette; Pick Up The Phone
“Minji-ssi? Are you listening?”
Minji snaps out of her little daydream to blink at the pug-nosed executive seated beside her, his eyes intent and lips greasy from the roast duck that was served just moments earlier. Minji manages a bright grin anyway. “Oh, sorry. Um, what were you saying?”
The executive beams. “I was saying, I’m just so thrilled you’re doing so well solo. You’re so young, and if you agree to maybe considering one or two of our songwriters…”
Blah, blah, blah. Minji tunes out again, her smile frozen on her face. It’s not so much she’s disinterested in the conversation per se; it had been a hectic day in the studio with Jiyong and Teddy, both of whom had been absolutely intent on her sampling some of their newer tracks. And yet here she is, in some suit-swarmed wedding banquet with paparazzo mingling among the stars and executives like this one pestering her about collaborations with their own artistes. There’s nothing Minji finds more boring than such gatherings. Even if it's the wedding banquet of the broadcasting magnate to whom you owed your album’s success.
You’re not allowed to stop smiling, at such events - lest the netizens call you out on being a rude, ungrateful bitch. So Minji maintains her somewhat robotic maniac smile the best she can as the wedding band launches into an acoustic version of Gee.
“…and it’ll be a pop-infused track with some degree of hip-hop, maybe Jiyong-ssi will be interested. What do you think, Minji-ssi? Minji-ssi?”
“Yeah,” Minji says with a polite nod. She absently wonders when people will get that YGE isn’t exactly the collaborative sort. It’s not like they’ve been openly pairing up with the relevant agencies the past few years, anyway. Except that one time, when she was on that variety special with…
The executive returns to his monologue of collaboration talk, and that train of thought dies. Minji hums irritably under her breath and glances discreetly at her phone.
Join us for ramyeon later! Chaerin. Minji grimaces. The executive is diving into his suitcase for documents or something, so she quickly texts back.
Can’t. Leegoon-ssi’s wedding.
Then why are you replying? Pay attention, Minji-yah.
It’s so boooooring. How did you do it?
Tsk. Sit still and smile. Simple.
Minji pouts a little. The executive pops back up, talking a mile a minute as he spreads the papers across the table. Minji sits still and smiles, like Chaerin’s told her to. Simple. …God, she’s not going to survive this.
To be fair, she’d been the maknae of a girl group for most of her young life, and she could afford to not pay attention at most of these things, often excused if she chose to write snatches of lyrics on the underside of a napkin or watch Dara-unni fold a paper crane or two while the festivities were going on. But she’s an adult now, as Youngbae likes to remind her good-naturedly, and so she should start to act like one.
She’s no longer maknae Minzy of 2NE1, but the Gong Minji who’s outsold Krystal Jung’s solo album just the week before.
…Well, that’s a responsibility she’s willing to take. The thought makes her smile, just a little. The pressure to perform had been massive - after Bom’s own successful comeback on the charts, everyone had been expecting the maknae to do even better. Minji lets herself gloat about it for a moment, at least until the executive is shoving a pen into her hand.
“What?” Minji blurts, as the executive babbles on about ‘contract’, ‘collaboration’, ‘co-sign’. It’s the last straw, really, so Minji stands up abruptly - “uh, actually, I need the bathroom, be right back!”
She hurries past the tables of fake laughter and spirited conversation, through the wooden doors at the side of the ballroom before finding herself alone outside the ladies’ washrooms. She blows out her cheeks, catching her reflection in one of the mirrors in the hallway. Pfah, she thinks, to hell with it. She doesn’t want to sit still and smile, adult or not.
She glances around the area to make sure none of the pesky press people had followed her - the coast seems to be clear. She pulls a face in the mirror, as miserable as she can manage, takes a picture with her phone and sends it on its way. Her sunbaes deserve to share in her suffering, she thinks dolefully. Bom-unni, Dara-unni. Daesung-oppa, Top-oppa - oh my god, Top-oppa, not Taemin - cancel, cancel, cancel -
The phone displays a Message Sent, and Minji stares down at it in horror.
Oh no. No. No. Minji can hardly believe her stupidity as her picture appears on the screen again, bug-eyed and pouty. It could be one of those Me2Day blog selca things, and… and she doesn’t look exactly terrible in it but - that’s not the point, she reminds herself with a grit of her teeth. She hasn’t exactly spoken to Lee Taemin for a long time and she isn’t too sure she’s interested in re-igniting their… their so called working relationship.
How is it that she still had his number anyway? Minji frowns. They haven’t spoken for two years.
…Maybe he’s changed his number. Yes. He definitely has. Minji feels a glimpse of hope, then her phone beeps.
Panic grips her momentarily, until she opens up the clamshell to see Dara’s own self-taken picture staring back at her. Eeee, you’re at an important event! Pay attention! Dara-unni will eat your ramyeon~
Minji lets out a sigh of relief. Unni, I have roasted duck here.
Her phone beeps again - Bom. Minji-yahhh, you’re too cute! …aren’t you at a wedding banquet? Hmmm?
Beep, beep. Daesung. Tsk, bad dongsaeng! Hey, why do you have duck and we only have ramyeon? And Chaerin-ah asks why you don’t send her your selca too.
Minji can’t help but smile at Chaerin’s little tantrum - her leader had always been easily jealous of little things like these. Before she can reply, however, another message comes in. Beep, beep. She opens it without thinking and feels her heart still in her chest.
It’s Taemin. There is no text with the message, only his picture with him grinning. He’s the same as she remembered him, crinkly eyes and sweet smile - Minji sinks back against the wall and… she can’t stop staring at the damn picture.
“What the hell?” she hisses, trying to stop her heart from pumping in her ears. Minji grips at her phone, doesn’t even register the applause from the ballroom across the hallway. She swallows, daring to look back at Taemin’s pretty selca, and feels the blood rush to her cheeks. God, he’s as cute as ever, and the worst thing is he seems to absolutely know it.
Beep beep.
Guess where I am. The picture loads, and it’s a blurry capture of a hallway that looks eerily similar to hers. She blinks slowly, and her stomach jolts when she realizes that he may just be here.
In the same hotel.
What, she thinks, trying to calm down as she looks over her shoulder, mentally smacking herself for almost expecting Taemin to be standing there. What…? She steps forward, her heel digging into the plush carpeting as she moves down the hallway. “This can’t be,” she tells herself, wondering why the space around her seems to be spinning.
Her world had always spun for this Lee Taemin boy.
Minji pauses by another mirror and glimpses herself again. Her eyes are too bright, her cheeks are too pink. She’s even shaking a little, which is ridiculous.
He’s just a boy.
In retrospect, Minji wonders what on earth had possessed President Yang to ask her if she might be interested in doing a special for a variety show, a week before 2NE1 went on an extended hiatus. “A dance number with that SHINee boy,” he’d said, tone clipped and dismissive even if his gaze was anything but.
“I thought you didn’t like us going on variety shows…” she’d began, but Yang Goon had shrugged.
“I thought it’d be interesting. Show what you’ve got. Test the waters for your solo.”
Really. The word ‘solo’ was what did it. It was in no part due to the fact that Minji had always wanted to dance with Lee Taemin. No, not at all. But Minji was, at the time, arguably the best dancer among the girl groups - and she had always seen Taemin as her equivalent from the dude groups. Anyway, he had seemed like a nice boy and everything.
Was she ever wrong.
Minji pauses at the corner of the hallway, Taemin’s picture still blinking from her screen as new messages beep in - probably Dara. But Minji doesn’t click to the new texts, only stays on the screen with Taemin’s picture of the hallway. Why, she asks herself with a drop in her stomach, is she unconsciously looking for him? What’s the point? It’s not like they’re friends, anyway.
Friends? I don’t want to be friends with you. Taemin’s little smile, from two years ago. Even now the memory of it makes Minji’s hands tingle.
Oh. That’s fine with me, then. Forget I asked -
I want more than that, Minji-ssi. Is that okay?
The picture in Minji’s cellphone is of a corridor decked in cream wallpaper, soaked in orange glow from the lighting. In the blur she can make out a number seven; he’s a floor down, she realizes, stopping before the lift. She wonders, ever so briefly, if it’d really be so crazy to seek him out. It’s not a big deal, she tells herself. Yoona-unni had been thrilled when Minji told her she’d be on a variety show with Taemin, all those years ago -
Oh, Minji, that’s the cutest thing! He’s liked you for such a long time.
…What?
Ah, you mean I never told you?
Minji doesn’t remember even pressing the button, but the lift doors before her slide open. Minji looks up, startled, and Taemin stands there, head slightly tilted as he bites down on his smile -
And reaches forward to pull her in before the doors close behind her.
It takes Minji a moment to register it’s really Lee Taemin who’s pressing up against her, his nose in her hair. “Taemin,” she manages, but he’s holding her so tight that she can barely breathe. “Taemin,” she says again, and then suddenly he’s close enough for her to count his eyelashes. “What are you doing?”
“Getting to the twenty-first floor,” he says innocently, pressing the button with 21 on it. Then he turns back to her, the mischief in his eyes scaring Minji just that little bit. “…I don’t think you missed me.”
“I didn’t,” she says, keeping her face straight. “How’s school?”
“Huh. Are we really going to talk about school?” Taemin glances at the blinking numbers above the lift doors. “Ten.”
Minji follows his gaze. “Eleven.”
“Twelve.” Taemin looks back at her. “See you at twenty-one.”
And then he kisses her.
He doesn’t know how to stop, this Minji knows - Lee Taemin doesn’t know how to stop. It goes the same way with his dance, with his innocent little grins that have his fans in a frenzy - when Lee Taemin finds something that works for him, he doesn’t stop. His mouth is hot against hers as he closes in, his hands holding the sides of her face. Minji curls her fingers into his own - let me go, let me… she doesn’t remember what she wants to tell him when he deepens the kiss, presses against her so hard that the handrail digs into her back. She barely gets to breathe before he’s caught her again, and the intensity in his eyes makes her lose her breath. “Jerk,” she whispers into his mouth, and his smile is coy when he nips on her bottom lip, eyelashes brushing against her cheek as their gazes meet -
Ping.
The lift doors slide open.
He’s taller than she remembers, and still ridiculously pretty. His hands are the same - gentle in its hold, but firm. He’s laughing as they stumble across the deserted hallway, before Taemin pulls out a keycard and dangles it in front of Minji’s face.
“We’re going to take it one step further tonight, Min-ji,” he says, a tease in his voice as he swipes the card through the reader.
“Nothing’s happening tonight - wait a minute, you have a suite here?”
Taemin takes her hand and leads her into the room, a finger pressed to his lips as his eyes crinkle. “It’s Krystal’s,” he says.
“What - “
“Shhhh.” Taemin shuts the door behind him and pulls her to him, his smile pressed into her shoulder. “I asked for permission.”
“She knows I’m here?”
“No, but you’re a part of me so you don’t count.” Minji has to laugh at the absurdity of his words, and Taemin kisses her again, catching her laughter with his own. Minji pulls away, her nose brushing against his jawline.
“It’s a lie,” she whispers. “You’ve lied to them for years. You’re not shy at all.”
Taemin hums thoughtfully under his breath. “No,” he disagrees, “I was shy around you for the longest time. The music shows. The award shows. I could never talk to you.”
“And so you decided to lock us up in a closet.”
“Hey, I didn’t know if I was ever going to be on the same variety show as you ever again, you know?” Taemin’s eyes soften at the memory. “At the time I thought, ‘ah, if I don’t get Gong Minji’s attention this time, then I’ll never get her attention’.”
Minji shakes her head, trying to smile. “You are so strange,” she murmurs. “Is this something you do? Grab girls backstage and kiss them then leave them hanging for years?”
Taemin’s gaze flickers, and his fingers curl into Minji’s own. “I’ve never grabbed girls backstage and then kissed them in closets,” he corrects gently. “Only you, so far.”
It feels almost like yesterday, now that Minji remembers it - all of their backstage shenanigans to the most minute of details. Her working relationship with Lee Taemin had always consisted of fumbling hands and awkward kisses. Their first kisses. Minji wonders how she’d managed to not think about it for so long when it’s now playing in her head in vivid colour. His shy smile against her own.
“It’s wrong,” she hears herself say. “It’s not like that. We didn’t even…” They had never held hands, never taken a walk in the park, never had phone conversations until morning. Minji doesn’t remember any of the things that people say come with a first love - she only remembers Taemin’s heavy-lidded eyes, his fingers entangled in the strands of her hair as their hearts jumped with every sound outside of the closet door. Can’t get caught, said the voice in her head every time she was with Taemin.
We’ll be in so much trouble.
“Hey,” Taemin says softly, cradling her head in his hands. “Come back, Minji-yah.” Minji doesn’t even notice the tears until Taemin thumbs at her cheek. “Hey,” he repeats. “Minji."
“Did you have fun,” she manages after a moment. “In Japan.”
Taemin smiles into her hair, his breaths warm against her neck as he holds her close. “I did,” he says quietly. “Next time SHINee goes over to promote, I’ll be the most fluent one. And…” he tugs gently at her hair. “I’m moving back to Seoul.”
Minji doesn't respond to that, only stares blankly into the fabric of Taemin’s blazer.
“Listen. When I said we’re going to take it one step further tonight, I wasn’t kidding around.” Taemin pokes her gently at her side, and Minji meets his eyes. “I asked around about you, you know. Then Amber told me you were going to be at this thing. I needed to make things clear to you before I go back to Japan tomorrow.”
“There really isn’t much to say,” Minji says, and she wonders if it’s hurt that she’s seeing in his eyes. “What are we doing? There's no point to this. I...”
They stand there in silence for a long while. Minji swallows, and it aches in her chest - the same ache she felt when Taemin left Seoul two years ago. Left her. It’s the same resolve that steeled her then that is creeping into her now - she would forget all of this tomorrow, just as she had two years back. It’s no big deal, she tells herself.
No big deal at all.
“I have to go,” Minji says at last, pulling away from him. “The banquet. I…I’ll see you around. Maybe. Say hello to Amber-unni for me.” She looks up at him and that’s when she sees his expression wilting. “…Taemin.”
“I don’t know.” Taemin is smiling even as his eyes are wet. “I don’t know, Minji-yah. Please.”
“Taemin,” she says again, and he ducks his head, taking a deep breath as his hands find hers.
“I don’t know what to do. How do we go on dates? How can I take you to the movies, or to an amusement park, or…” His grip on her hand is almost painful, but Minji doesn’t move, only looks back at him and even then he’s blurring in her vision - “how do I call you without someone finding out? How does all of this work? I don’t know how - there isn’t any way we can - but I have to, Minji-yah. I have to be with you.”
The ideal first love doesn’t quite exist for them, Minji thinks, when Taemin draws her to him and holds her. Every person looks forward to the day they will meet that first love, and maybe they’ll hold hands and share candy floss at the amusement park, watch scary movies together after a barbecue beef dinner. With Taemin it’s always been dingy closets and stolen affections, day after day of wondering whether he got his phone confiscated by management, whether he’d have a safe flight, whether or not he’s eating at all on tour. They would never be left alone if they get found out, this she knows.
She wonders why she’d rather have Taemin like this than not have Taemin at all.
“So ask me out,” she says softly. “You drive, I cook. Whatever.”
Taemin makes a sound between a laugh and a sob, and the fondness in his eyes makes Minji's face warm. “I think,” he says into her shoulder, “I’m the better cook out of the two of us.”
It could be a dingy closet, it could be the most expensive hotel suite in Seoul. Minji isn't sure she cares anymore when Taemin is kissing her like this. It doesn't matter, she thinks, her eyes falling close. It doesn't matter at all.
Chaerin is the only one awake when Minji steps through the door of their apartment, her ears still ringing from the overbearing closing song at the banquet. “Did you have fun?” Chaerin asks. Minji nods, not quite meeting Chaerin’s eyes.
“It was good, many people attended,” she says carefully. “I saw Krystal Jung. And Lee Taemin.”
Chaerin looks up, an eyebrow raised as she fixes Minji with a knowing stare. Minji only sort of grins at the leader before ducking into the room that she shares with her 2NE1 unnies.
She places the duvet properly over Bom’s shoulders before slipping into her own bed. Her phone beeps, and Minji holds her breath as Taemin’s name appears on the screen.
When I’m back from Japan, we’ve got a date at Han River. You drive, I’ll cook.
Two years ago, neither of them had a driving license. Minji supposes some things do work out with time. He can probably make some pretty mean sushi now, too, she thinks with a little smile. At least they don’t have to settle for dingy closets anymore. It’s stupid to hope, she knows - but maybe they can give this first love a second chance.
One step at a time, she tells herself, as she hits Send.
See you soon.