Missing the (Key) Point (Onew/Key)
Missing the (Key) Point
Onew/Key
I blame this on tvxqluvv and scarletpeonies. Also... this turned out much longer than I intended. Merry Christmas, everyone! :)
Jinki tries to ask Kibum out without having to commit murder.
missing the (key) point
How you laughed at my complete lack of grace
But I could not recall a more perfect fall.
Postal Service; Be Still My Heart
Jinki fails at life.
That’s his own miserable deduction, anyway, after what’s gone down the past few days. Don’t get him wrong. He’s the very dedicated, loving, kind and awesome Onew-ssi, who adores his SHINee members from the bottom of his soft, cuddly heart. Jinki-ssi, on the other hand, is on the verge of three very violent murders. The fourth being his own. Of course he’d let Kibum live. Kibum never asked for any of this. Kibum is the shining entity of them all, the one who wears awesome redgreen highlights and cusses in colour.
Unlike Jonghyun, Minho and Taemin. Children of the devil. Lost, unenlightened souls. Scumbags of the universe.
Jinki utters another tortured moan and buries his face into his pillow.
i.
It started a few weeks ago, with Jinki trying to get up his nerve to ask Kibum out. Being one of few privileged people with complete access to Kibum’s (dating) shenanigans, Jinki is well aware of how attractive Kibum has become - not only to him, but to everyone else. As much Jinki likes Amber from their hoobae group f(x), he resents the fact that Kibum finds her so cool. So she can speak English. Big deal. Jinki can speak perfect Korean. Can Amber speak perfect Korean? Has she liked Kibum since his rougher days? Because Kibum hasn’t always been that popular with the masses. Jinki’s liked Kibum even when he’s had bad hair and blotchy skin. Did Mir of Mblaq know Kibum then? Did Dongwoon of Beast?
“I am a reasonable person,” Jinki mutters to himself. While unreasonably glaring as Mir and Kibum strike up a lengthy conversation about Lee Joon’s abs. I have abs too, Jinki thinks with a narrow stare. Well, not yet, but he’s working on it, okay.
So anyway, he manages to get Kibum backstage at Inkigayo after another performance of JoJo. Kibum’s glowing because he loves that song and he’s wanted to promote that even before Ring Ding Dong. “What, Jinki,” Kibum says crossly, because Jinki’s holding on a little too tightly to his arm. “Go away, I want to talk to Jjong for a minute - “
“I got tickets,” Jinki blurts, “to the movies. Tomorrow. You want to go?”
Kibum looks at Jinki as if he’s crazy. “Uh, I’ll have to ask the rest, I guess. Taemin’s been sleeping early these days - “
“Just us, then,” Jinki says quickly, and Kibum tosses his hair back and Jinki wants to die from how all sorts of lovely Kibum looks, even with redgreen highlights (better with the green highlights). Kibum is looking at him with a raised eyebrow, slowly shrugging out of Jinki’s grasp.
“Oh-kay,” he says sceptically, “what movie is this again?”
“Uh.” Jinki has no idea what movie is appropriate for them. He glimpses Lee Joon from a distance. “…Ninja Assassin?”
Kibum’s eyes light up, and maybe Jinki has something to thank Mblaq for, after all. “Awesome, I’ve wanted to watch that since it came out! Tomorrow night, you say?”
Get ready for the best night of your life, Jinki thinks with a beam. “Yeah, it’ll be great,” he says. “Around eleven?”
Only it doesn’t work out that great because Jonghyun is the spawn of Satan. Alright, so it’s partially Jinki’s fault, because he’s underestimated Rain’s selling power and fails to get tickets. In the end he has to enlist Jonghyun’s help, and they find vacancies for this romantic thingamajig at midnight. The unfortunate part of the deal is that Jonghyun asks shamelessly to come along even as Jinki stares him down.
Well, Jinki can’t possibly say no -
“Okay, since you asked!” Jonghyun says happily.
“…Is this payback for me imitating you the other time,” Jinki whispers as they pull on their shoes. Jonghyun’s never taken well to being imitated on variety shows. Cramps his style or something. Too bad Jinki enjoys making fun of Jonghyun. Too bad Jonghyun enjoys holding a grudge.
“What imitation?” Jonghyun says innocently. Jinki wants to stab him. Probably would have if Kibum hadn’t appeared before them, smiling widely behind his woolen scarf. Jinki wants more than anything to be that scarf. Jonghyun must have known, because he adjusts the scarf over Kibum’s front and smiles brightly at Jinki.
“Oh, good to see you two getting along again,” Kibum says breezily, as he steps out the door.
“What are you saying?” Jonghyun quips. “Were we ever fighting?”
If looks could kill, Jinki thinks scathingly, Jonghyun would be dead twice over.
So that date doesn’t work out, because the movie leaves Jonghyun in a nice, sobbing mess at the back of the theatre. He ends up getting cuddled by Kibum, only because Kibum’s a real softie beneath his toughshit exterior. Jinki forces the popcorn in his mouth as Jonghyun buries his face into Kibum’s scarf. Don’t think about it, he tells himself. Concentrate on Kibum.
“Want some popcorn,” he whispers.
Kibum glances at him and opens his mouth to answer, but Jonghyun whimpers a little (Jinki’s head snaps abruptly to the screen. Woman had fallen off bicycle. Man had helped her up. …Wait, how’s this cry-worthy?). Kibum sighs and pokes Jonghyun. “Don’t be such a crybaby,” he hisses. “Jjong, he’s helping her up.”
“It’s so romantic,” Jonghyun mumbles. “…can I have your scarf.”
Kibum rolls his eyes and wraps the woolen scarf over Jonghyun’s neck. Now Jinki’s a reasonable person. Usually. But when Kibum pats Jonghyun’s back and Jonghyun sniffs, Jinki wants to drop the wholesome, easygoing Onew gig he has going and strangle the guy. Screw the fact that he’s SHINee’s lead singer. Minho could use with some more singing parts anyway.
Kibum turns back to Jinki. Jinki swallows when their eyes meet. This is it, he tells himself, clutching at the popcorn bucket. This is where the emotional connection occurs. This is where Kibum’s heart beats a little faster. This is where he realizes that Jinki’s the one -
“You got popcorn in your teeth,” Kibum says. Jonghyun makes a sound between a snicker and sob. Jinki sinks back into his seat and feels a little bit like crying, himself.
Some emotional connection, he thinks sadly.
They get home with Jonghyun’s cheeks still wet from his emotional catharsis. Taemin smiles up at them and asks, “so was it a good movie?” Kibum shrugs. Jonghyun wipes his eyes.
Jinki says seriously, “the third party should have killed himself for getting in the way of true love.”
There is a silence, then Kibum says, “did you even watch the movie?”
“Or are you trying to be funny?” Taemin supplies helpfully.
Jonghyun conveniently disappears into the room with Kibum’s scarf wrapped around his neck. Kibum makes tea and leans despondently against the kitchen counter. “Wish we saw Ninja Assassin instead,” he grumbles, and his crestfallen expression chips away at Jinki’s heart.
Taemin only grins at Jinki and returns to his Gameboy.
ii.
Jinki may be a slob at the dating game, but it’s the same resilience that got him into SHINee that is going to sustain him in this dark period. Minho is watching Kim Yuna compete in an ice-skating competition two days later when Kibum joins him at the couch. “I miss doing this,” he comments. “When’s the last time we went skating, anyway?”
“I went last year,” Minho says. “Maybe we should all go.”
“Totally,” Jinki puts in, as enthusiastically as he can manage for an activity he doesn’t particularly care about. “…I could use with a refresher course.”
Kibum laughs. “It’ll be safer for all of us if you stay home, Jinki,” he says, and Jinki feels his chest leap at the sight of Kibum’s smile. It feels like Kibum saves the best of his smiles for the best friend (Jonghyun) and the maknae (Taemin). How long has he been clamouring for that smile, Jinki wonders, blinking away from Kibum.
He mustn’t give up. Onew, hwaiting! he tells himself.
And so he calls up the skating rink to book an hour’s slot after their closing. At a special price, of course.
“You should only do this kind of thing if you’ve got enough cash, hyung,” deadpans Minho.
This is not happening, Jinki thinks. Kibum is already on the ice, his scarf trailing behind him as he skates across the rink. Minho is pulling his skates on, looking effortlessly cool as he steps onto the ice beside Jinki.
“Thanks,” Jinki says awkwardly. “I’ll find a way to pay you back. Though, um, you don’t have to join us if you don’t want to - “
“No worries, hyung. I came all the way to foot your bill, may as well do a few rounds.”
But I don’t want you here, Jinki screams in his head. Kibum waves at them from a distance and dammit, how amazing does he look today, Jinki thinks forlornly. Minho waves back, naturally gliding about the ice as if he’s done it forever. Jinki’s no noob at the ice either, but he hasn’t set foot on the ice for years. Too much risk with injury, he knows, making a mental note to be careful.
“Oh come on, Jinki,” Kibum calls impatiently. “You’re not going to die if you move a little bit faster - “
Minho speeds across the rink, and Kibum follows, the two of them getting into a rhythm. Kibum and Minho are not close, Jinki knows, but he doesn’t miss the spark of admiration in Kibum’s eyes as Minho does a flawless pirouette, arms outstretched as he soars past them. Jinki wiggles a little in his skates, watching uncomfortably as Kibum attempts to imitate Minho’s graceful execution.
“Why don’t you try it too, Jinki-hyung,” Minho says cheerfully, and Jinki stiffens at the sight of the maniacal pull of the younger boy’s lips. When Minho gets competitive, he goes all out for the kill. Jinki says tentatively, “uh, Minho-ah, I don’t think - “
But Minho has already pulled Jinki along, picking up speed between the two of them before pushing Jinki across the rink to fend for himself. Oh my god, Jinki wants to shriek, oh my god, I am going to die, I can’t do a pirouette. He flails as the blade of one of his skates gets caught in the ice, and then he hears Kibum’s alarmed shout before he collapses onto the wet surface -
The next thing he sees is Kibum’s face over him, and Minho’s wide eyes. Minho, just die, honest to god, I never want to see you again. Kibum, I love you. You’re perfect, don’t ever change.
And then he passes out.
Jinki awakes to Kibum watching him with a worried frown. “I thought you died or something,” he says in a low tone, poking gently at Jinki’s cheek.
“Where’s Minho?” Jinki tries to sit up, but Kibum pushes him back down.
“Don’t move, you might feel dizzy. And oh, Minho. I killed him, his body’s in the chute if you care to recover it.”
Jinki shuts his eyes and waits for the dizzy spell to pass. When he opens his eyes Kibum is observing him somewhat anxiously. “For goodness sakes, Jinki,” he says, exasperated, “why did we go skate if you can’t even stand on ice?”
“I can stand on ice,” Jinki protests weakly. His head is throbbing again.
Kibum lets out a bark of laughter. “But that’s all you can do. Stand on it.” His expression turns serious. “Was it for me?”
Jinki blinks. The headache seems to be hitting him a little harder with Kibum looking at him like that. I don’t stand a chance, Jinki thinks, gazing at his friend. Kibum, with his luminous skin and perfect hair and - why is this so difficult? “No,” he croaks, feeling every bit like a sick patient. “Of course not.”
Kibum stares at him for a long moment. “Of course,” he says at last. “But you do think I’m perfect.”
“What?”
“You mumbled things,” Kibum says, and Jinki’s heart stills a bit as a wicked little smile makes it way into the other boy’s face. “While you were out cold. It was pretty hilarious.”
“Oh.” Jinki pauses, racking his brains. Nothing. He glances quickly at Kibum for a hint of anything he could have said (like… a confession, a declaration, a proposal), but the boy only looks back at him with something of a poker face. “Um,” Jinki manages at last, “what else did I say?”
“You don’t remember?”
Jinki shakes his head. Kibum shrugs, clearing his throat and looking away as he gets to his feet.
“Well, let me know when you do.” He pulls the covers over Jinki, patting lightly on Jinki’s forehead as he moves to leave. “…Get some rest.”
iii.
And so this is how Jinki knows he fails at life.
“You confessed your love to Kibum,” Minho says.
“Rather gloriously,” Jonghyun adds.
“I think everyone in Seoul heard you while we were transporting you back,” Taemin puts in gaily, as he bops to an Mblaq track. “Anyway, hyung, don’t worry about your life being ruined or anything. Kibum-hyung’s used to love confessions, he took it pretty well.”
“Thanks a lot,” Jinki mumbles, as he contemplates on the quickest way to kill himself. To Minho: “Aren’t you supposed to be dead in a chute?”
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” Minho says seriously. “I knew you’d be concerned. I didn’t break anything, though Kibum was a little violent - “
“What are you going to do?” Jonghyun sighs dramatically, and Jinki has a sick inkling that Jonghyun is enjoying his predicament a little too much - “honestly, Jinki, I think you’ve been pretty obvious about it - “
“And if you haven’t been, don’t worry,” Taemin says, his eyes alight. “I told Kibum-hyung everything. Including the nights where you talk about him in your sleep - “
“You talk about Kibum in your sleep?” Jonghyun asks, interested.
“He does,” Minho confirms, before Jinki can protest. “I heard him. He’s turned on by green highlights.”
Save me from this hell, Jinki thinks desolately, as Jonghyun, Minho and Taemin burst into an excited exchange of details over Jinki’s sleeptalking. Children of the devil. Lost, unenlightened souls. Scumbags of the universe.
He utters a tortured moan and buries his face into his pillow.
For the next few days, Jinki doesn’t look Kibum in the eye, doesn’t talk to him, doesn’t hang out with the rest of them unless it’s for SHINee activity. He even pulls himself out of their recreational Christmas movie outing because it’d be too painful to relieve the date that Jonghyun had so conveniently ruined a few weeks ago.
…he’s never eating popcorn again, that’s for sure.
“You sure you won’t join us?”
How is it possible for the maknae to look so innocent after ruining Jinki’s life? But there Taemin is, wide-eyed and beaming as he watches Jinki. Jinki only sniffs miserably and stays under his sheets. Taemin blows out his cheeks.
“Well - you can’t avoid Kibum-hyung forever, you know.”
He hears Taemin shuffle away, humming to himself. Jinki shuts his eyes, about to fall back asleep when the harsh sound of slippers closes in on him -
“Lee Jinki, you idiot!”
Jinki almost falls off his bed. Kibum is standing there, half his face covered in his scarf - the scarf he wants to be, Jinki thinks longingly. Kibum is still glaring, cheeks flushed and fists balled, as if he may just… hit someone. Hard.
Jinki manages a weak smile. “Uh, hi?”
“You - “ and Kibum’s just about yelling now - why is he yelling oh my god he hates me - “are the most useless human being on the planet. I can’t believe you’d avoid me over a stupid love confession that you didn’t even do properly - ”
Jinki hears a chuckle from the door. And has an overwhelming urge to set Taemin on fire.
“Reflect on your actions,” Kibum is bellowing, “or I’ll never speak to you again, I swear to god.”
Jinki stares at a fuming Kibum, wide-eyed and heart racing, then he squeaks - “I am so sorry.”
“You should be,” Kibum hollers furiously. “That was the shittiest love confession I’ve ever gotten, you piece of crap. You don’t even remember it.”
“But Kibum-ah,” Jinki blurts, stumbling off the bed - “You don’t even like me.”
The silence is stifling. Jinki feels his face blanch when Kibum inches forward, fingers stiff as if he’s about to throttle someone -
“My god, Jinki.“ And Kibum leans forward, one knee resting into the bed as he grabs Jinki’s hair - and then their lips clash, so quickly and brutally that when Kibum pulls away all Jinki sees are stars -
“Get. A. Hint,” Kibum snarls, letting go of Jinki. “Why don’t you!”
And then he stalks out of the room.
It takes Jinki a whole minute to recover, his ears still ringing from Kibum’s screaming, breaths still shallow from the press of Kibum’s lips on his own. Taemin tiptoes in then and slips a DVD package into Jinki’s hands.
“What is this,” Jinki croaks, still too much in shock to do anything but accept the package.
“Ninja Assassin,” Taemin whispers with a little smile. “Got it from Lee Joon-hyung.” A wink, and then he tiptoes back out again and closes the door quietly behind him.
iv.
Jinki emerges from his room an hour later to find Kibum in the living room hanging snow angels on their Christmas tree. Jinki pauses by the hallway to watch the other boy for a moment, and he can’t help but think how much Kibum looks like Christmas itself, with the red and green (oh, the green) in his hair and the loose cream pullover over his shoulders.
“Let me help,” he says softly. Kibum starts and glances over his shoulder at Jinki, huffs a little but nudges the box of decorations over to his direction.
“Just don’t trip over or something.”
Jinki feels the beginnings to a smile pull into his lips as he joins Kibum by the Christmas tree, placing the wired lights along the branches. They work in silence for a long while, and then Jinki says, “want to watch a movie?”
“No,” Kibum snaps, and Jinki feels crushed for two seconds before Kibum appears from the other side of the Christmas tree - “the terrible trio are there right now. I could use a few hours without seeing their faces.”
“Oh,” Jinki breathes. Swallows. Reaches forward and curls his fingers over Kibum’s wrist. “I got Ninja Assassin. On DVD.”
Kibum pauses, a snow angel suspended in the air as it hangs from between his fingers.
“Um. I heard it’s really good. Blood and gore and. Some romance.” Jinki smiles a little as Kibum looks up in surprise. Jinki bites down his lip and he feels so mortified, somehow, even if this isn’t exactly the first time he’s asking Kibum on a… date of sorts -
“You,” Kibum says slowly, but Jinki feels his heart jump at the hint of a smile in Kibum’s lips, “are a sappy idiot, you know that? Who the hell watches Ninja Assassin for the romance? Aish.”
The air has changed. Jinki feels terribly small suddenly, under Kibum’s steady gaze. He clears his throat and steps forward.
“I’m sorry,” he says, his voice cracking a little. “Kibum-ah. About everything.”
Kibum raises an eyebrow. Jinki tries to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut and pushes on.
“I don’t remember the confession because I probably confessed to you in my head every night. I mean. I had it down pat. You probably heard everything I wanted to say.”
“Including the part about you wanting to be my scarf.” Kibum is watching him intently now, the corners of his mouth quirking ever so slightly.
Jinki exhales shakily, his cheeks flushing from embarrassment. “…did I say that?”
“No. Jonghyun did.” Kibum starts laughing then, but Jinki breathes a quiet prayer as he pulls Kibum to him. He briefly catches the slight widening of Kibum’s eyes as he closes in and kisses him. Hardly brutal, he thinks dreamily, as Kibum sighs quietly, head tilting to a side as Jinki plants little kisses over the other boy’s mouth -
“Yeah,” he whispers against Kibum’s lips. “I really want to be your scarf.”
Kibum bites him. Hard. Jinki reels back with a shriek, hand over his mouth as he rolls over to the couch to keep from howling from pain.
“If I hear one more confession like that...” and the warning in Kibum's voice thrills Jinki as much as it scares him. Kibum licks his lips and picks up the Ninja Assassin DVD. “Blood and gore, you say?”
“And romance,” Jinki whimpers from behind his hand as he sits up on the couch. "...Is this a date?"
Kibum grins at him and puts on the movie.
Onew/Key
I blame this on tvxqluvv and scarletpeonies. Also... this turned out much longer than I intended. Merry Christmas, everyone! :)
Jinki tries to ask Kibum out without having to commit murder.
missing the (key) point
How you laughed at my complete lack of grace
But I could not recall a more perfect fall.
Postal Service; Be Still My Heart
Jinki fails at life.
That’s his own miserable deduction, anyway, after what’s gone down the past few days. Don’t get him wrong. He’s the very dedicated, loving, kind and awesome Onew-ssi, who adores his SHINee members from the bottom of his soft, cuddly heart. Jinki-ssi, on the other hand, is on the verge of three very violent murders. The fourth being his own. Of course he’d let Kibum live. Kibum never asked for any of this. Kibum is the shining entity of them all, the one who wears awesome redgreen highlights and cusses in colour.
Unlike Jonghyun, Minho and Taemin. Children of the devil. Lost, unenlightened souls. Scumbags of the universe.
Jinki utters another tortured moan and buries his face into his pillow.
i.
It started a few weeks ago, with Jinki trying to get up his nerve to ask Kibum out. Being one of few privileged people with complete access to Kibum’s (dating) shenanigans, Jinki is well aware of how attractive Kibum has become - not only to him, but to everyone else. As much Jinki likes Amber from their hoobae group f(x), he resents the fact that Kibum finds her so cool. So she can speak English. Big deal. Jinki can speak perfect Korean. Can Amber speak perfect Korean? Has she liked Kibum since his rougher days? Because Kibum hasn’t always been that popular with the masses. Jinki’s liked Kibum even when he’s had bad hair and blotchy skin. Did Mir of Mblaq know Kibum then? Did Dongwoon of Beast?
“I am a reasonable person,” Jinki mutters to himself. While unreasonably glaring as Mir and Kibum strike up a lengthy conversation about Lee Joon’s abs. I have abs too, Jinki thinks with a narrow stare. Well, not yet, but he’s working on it, okay.
So anyway, he manages to get Kibum backstage at Inkigayo after another performance of JoJo. Kibum’s glowing because he loves that song and he’s wanted to promote that even before Ring Ding Dong. “What, Jinki,” Kibum says crossly, because Jinki’s holding on a little too tightly to his arm. “Go away, I want to talk to Jjong for a minute - “
“I got tickets,” Jinki blurts, “to the movies. Tomorrow. You want to go?”
Kibum looks at Jinki as if he’s crazy. “Uh, I’ll have to ask the rest, I guess. Taemin’s been sleeping early these days - “
“Just us, then,” Jinki says quickly, and Kibum tosses his hair back and Jinki wants to die from how all sorts of lovely Kibum looks, even with redgreen highlights (better with the green highlights). Kibum is looking at him with a raised eyebrow, slowly shrugging out of Jinki’s grasp.
“Oh-kay,” he says sceptically, “what movie is this again?”
“Uh.” Jinki has no idea what movie is appropriate for them. He glimpses Lee Joon from a distance. “…Ninja Assassin?”
Kibum’s eyes light up, and maybe Jinki has something to thank Mblaq for, after all. “Awesome, I’ve wanted to watch that since it came out! Tomorrow night, you say?”
Get ready for the best night of your life, Jinki thinks with a beam. “Yeah, it’ll be great,” he says. “Around eleven?”
Only it doesn’t work out that great because Jonghyun is the spawn of Satan. Alright, so it’s partially Jinki’s fault, because he’s underestimated Rain’s selling power and fails to get tickets. In the end he has to enlist Jonghyun’s help, and they find vacancies for this romantic thingamajig at midnight. The unfortunate part of the deal is that Jonghyun asks shamelessly to come along even as Jinki stares him down.
Well, Jinki can’t possibly say no -
“Okay, since you asked!” Jonghyun says happily.
“…Is this payback for me imitating you the other time,” Jinki whispers as they pull on their shoes. Jonghyun’s never taken well to being imitated on variety shows. Cramps his style or something. Too bad Jinki enjoys making fun of Jonghyun. Too bad Jonghyun enjoys holding a grudge.
“What imitation?” Jonghyun says innocently. Jinki wants to stab him. Probably would have if Kibum hadn’t appeared before them, smiling widely behind his woolen scarf. Jinki wants more than anything to be that scarf. Jonghyun must have known, because he adjusts the scarf over Kibum’s front and smiles brightly at Jinki.
“Oh, good to see you two getting along again,” Kibum says breezily, as he steps out the door.
“What are you saying?” Jonghyun quips. “Were we ever fighting?”
If looks could kill, Jinki thinks scathingly, Jonghyun would be dead twice over.
So that date doesn’t work out, because the movie leaves Jonghyun in a nice, sobbing mess at the back of the theatre. He ends up getting cuddled by Kibum, only because Kibum’s a real softie beneath his toughshit exterior. Jinki forces the popcorn in his mouth as Jonghyun buries his face into Kibum’s scarf. Don’t think about it, he tells himself. Concentrate on Kibum.
“Want some popcorn,” he whispers.
Kibum glances at him and opens his mouth to answer, but Jonghyun whimpers a little (Jinki’s head snaps abruptly to the screen. Woman had fallen off bicycle. Man had helped her up. …Wait, how’s this cry-worthy?). Kibum sighs and pokes Jonghyun. “Don’t be such a crybaby,” he hisses. “Jjong, he’s helping her up.”
“It’s so romantic,” Jonghyun mumbles. “…can I have your scarf.”
Kibum rolls his eyes and wraps the woolen scarf over Jonghyun’s neck. Now Jinki’s a reasonable person. Usually. But when Kibum pats Jonghyun’s back and Jonghyun sniffs, Jinki wants to drop the wholesome, easygoing Onew gig he has going and strangle the guy. Screw the fact that he’s SHINee’s lead singer. Minho could use with some more singing parts anyway.
Kibum turns back to Jinki. Jinki swallows when their eyes meet. This is it, he tells himself, clutching at the popcorn bucket. This is where the emotional connection occurs. This is where Kibum’s heart beats a little faster. This is where he realizes that Jinki’s the one -
“You got popcorn in your teeth,” Kibum says. Jonghyun makes a sound between a snicker and sob. Jinki sinks back into his seat and feels a little bit like crying, himself.
Some emotional connection, he thinks sadly.
They get home with Jonghyun’s cheeks still wet from his emotional catharsis. Taemin smiles up at them and asks, “so was it a good movie?” Kibum shrugs. Jonghyun wipes his eyes.
Jinki says seriously, “the third party should have killed himself for getting in the way of true love.”
There is a silence, then Kibum says, “did you even watch the movie?”
“Or are you trying to be funny?” Taemin supplies helpfully.
Jonghyun conveniently disappears into the room with Kibum’s scarf wrapped around his neck. Kibum makes tea and leans despondently against the kitchen counter. “Wish we saw Ninja Assassin instead,” he grumbles, and his crestfallen expression chips away at Jinki’s heart.
Taemin only grins at Jinki and returns to his Gameboy.
ii.
Jinki may be a slob at the dating game, but it’s the same resilience that got him into SHINee that is going to sustain him in this dark period. Minho is watching Kim Yuna compete in an ice-skating competition two days later when Kibum joins him at the couch. “I miss doing this,” he comments. “When’s the last time we went skating, anyway?”
“I went last year,” Minho says. “Maybe we should all go.”
“Totally,” Jinki puts in, as enthusiastically as he can manage for an activity he doesn’t particularly care about. “…I could use with a refresher course.”
Kibum laughs. “It’ll be safer for all of us if you stay home, Jinki,” he says, and Jinki feels his chest leap at the sight of Kibum’s smile. It feels like Kibum saves the best of his smiles for the best friend (Jonghyun) and the maknae (Taemin). How long has he been clamouring for that smile, Jinki wonders, blinking away from Kibum.
He mustn’t give up. Onew, hwaiting! he tells himself.
And so he calls up the skating rink to book an hour’s slot after their closing. At a special price, of course.
“You should only do this kind of thing if you’ve got enough cash, hyung,” deadpans Minho.
This is not happening, Jinki thinks. Kibum is already on the ice, his scarf trailing behind him as he skates across the rink. Minho is pulling his skates on, looking effortlessly cool as he steps onto the ice beside Jinki.
“Thanks,” Jinki says awkwardly. “I’ll find a way to pay you back. Though, um, you don’t have to join us if you don’t want to - “
“No worries, hyung. I came all the way to foot your bill, may as well do a few rounds.”
But I don’t want you here, Jinki screams in his head. Kibum waves at them from a distance and dammit, how amazing does he look today, Jinki thinks forlornly. Minho waves back, naturally gliding about the ice as if he’s done it forever. Jinki’s no noob at the ice either, but he hasn’t set foot on the ice for years. Too much risk with injury, he knows, making a mental note to be careful.
“Oh come on, Jinki,” Kibum calls impatiently. “You’re not going to die if you move a little bit faster - “
Minho speeds across the rink, and Kibum follows, the two of them getting into a rhythm. Kibum and Minho are not close, Jinki knows, but he doesn’t miss the spark of admiration in Kibum’s eyes as Minho does a flawless pirouette, arms outstretched as he soars past them. Jinki wiggles a little in his skates, watching uncomfortably as Kibum attempts to imitate Minho’s graceful execution.
“Why don’t you try it too, Jinki-hyung,” Minho says cheerfully, and Jinki stiffens at the sight of the maniacal pull of the younger boy’s lips. When Minho gets competitive, he goes all out for the kill. Jinki says tentatively, “uh, Minho-ah, I don’t think - “
But Minho has already pulled Jinki along, picking up speed between the two of them before pushing Jinki across the rink to fend for himself. Oh my god, Jinki wants to shriek, oh my god, I am going to die, I can’t do a pirouette. He flails as the blade of one of his skates gets caught in the ice, and then he hears Kibum’s alarmed shout before he collapses onto the wet surface -
The next thing he sees is Kibum’s face over him, and Minho’s wide eyes. Minho, just die, honest to god, I never want to see you again. Kibum, I love you. You’re perfect, don’t ever change.
And then he passes out.
Jinki awakes to Kibum watching him with a worried frown. “I thought you died or something,” he says in a low tone, poking gently at Jinki’s cheek.
“Where’s Minho?” Jinki tries to sit up, but Kibum pushes him back down.
“Don’t move, you might feel dizzy. And oh, Minho. I killed him, his body’s in the chute if you care to recover it.”
Jinki shuts his eyes and waits for the dizzy spell to pass. When he opens his eyes Kibum is observing him somewhat anxiously. “For goodness sakes, Jinki,” he says, exasperated, “why did we go skate if you can’t even stand on ice?”
“I can stand on ice,” Jinki protests weakly. His head is throbbing again.
Kibum lets out a bark of laughter. “But that’s all you can do. Stand on it.” His expression turns serious. “Was it for me?”
Jinki blinks. The headache seems to be hitting him a little harder with Kibum looking at him like that. I don’t stand a chance, Jinki thinks, gazing at his friend. Kibum, with his luminous skin and perfect hair and - why is this so difficult? “No,” he croaks, feeling every bit like a sick patient. “Of course not.”
Kibum stares at him for a long moment. “Of course,” he says at last. “But you do think I’m perfect.”
“What?”
“You mumbled things,” Kibum says, and Jinki’s heart stills a bit as a wicked little smile makes it way into the other boy’s face. “While you were out cold. It was pretty hilarious.”
“Oh.” Jinki pauses, racking his brains. Nothing. He glances quickly at Kibum for a hint of anything he could have said (like… a confession, a declaration, a proposal), but the boy only looks back at him with something of a poker face. “Um,” Jinki manages at last, “what else did I say?”
“You don’t remember?”
Jinki shakes his head. Kibum shrugs, clearing his throat and looking away as he gets to his feet.
“Well, let me know when you do.” He pulls the covers over Jinki, patting lightly on Jinki’s forehead as he moves to leave. “…Get some rest.”
iii.
And so this is how Jinki knows he fails at life.
“You confessed your love to Kibum,” Minho says.
“Rather gloriously,” Jonghyun adds.
“I think everyone in Seoul heard you while we were transporting you back,” Taemin puts in gaily, as he bops to an Mblaq track. “Anyway, hyung, don’t worry about your life being ruined or anything. Kibum-hyung’s used to love confessions, he took it pretty well.”
“Thanks a lot,” Jinki mumbles, as he contemplates on the quickest way to kill himself. To Minho: “Aren’t you supposed to be dead in a chute?”
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” Minho says seriously. “I knew you’d be concerned. I didn’t break anything, though Kibum was a little violent - “
“What are you going to do?” Jonghyun sighs dramatically, and Jinki has a sick inkling that Jonghyun is enjoying his predicament a little too much - “honestly, Jinki, I think you’ve been pretty obvious about it - “
“And if you haven’t been, don’t worry,” Taemin says, his eyes alight. “I told Kibum-hyung everything. Including the nights where you talk about him in your sleep - “
“You talk about Kibum in your sleep?” Jonghyun asks, interested.
“He does,” Minho confirms, before Jinki can protest. “I heard him. He’s turned on by green highlights.”
Save me from this hell, Jinki thinks desolately, as Jonghyun, Minho and Taemin burst into an excited exchange of details over Jinki’s sleeptalking. Children of the devil. Lost, unenlightened souls. Scumbags of the universe.
He utters a tortured moan and buries his face into his pillow.
For the next few days, Jinki doesn’t look Kibum in the eye, doesn’t talk to him, doesn’t hang out with the rest of them unless it’s for SHINee activity. He even pulls himself out of their recreational Christmas movie outing because it’d be too painful to relieve the date that Jonghyun had so conveniently ruined a few weeks ago.
…he’s never eating popcorn again, that’s for sure.
“You sure you won’t join us?”
How is it possible for the maknae to look so innocent after ruining Jinki’s life? But there Taemin is, wide-eyed and beaming as he watches Jinki. Jinki only sniffs miserably and stays under his sheets. Taemin blows out his cheeks.
“Well - you can’t avoid Kibum-hyung forever, you know.”
He hears Taemin shuffle away, humming to himself. Jinki shuts his eyes, about to fall back asleep when the harsh sound of slippers closes in on him -
“Lee Jinki, you idiot!”
Jinki almost falls off his bed. Kibum is standing there, half his face covered in his scarf - the scarf he wants to be, Jinki thinks longingly. Kibum is still glaring, cheeks flushed and fists balled, as if he may just… hit someone. Hard.
Jinki manages a weak smile. “Uh, hi?”
“You - “ and Kibum’s just about yelling now - why is he yelling oh my god he hates me - “are the most useless human being on the planet. I can’t believe you’d avoid me over a stupid love confession that you didn’t even do properly - ”
Jinki hears a chuckle from the door. And has an overwhelming urge to set Taemin on fire.
“Reflect on your actions,” Kibum is bellowing, “or I’ll never speak to you again, I swear to god.”
Jinki stares at a fuming Kibum, wide-eyed and heart racing, then he squeaks - “I am so sorry.”
“You should be,” Kibum hollers furiously. “That was the shittiest love confession I’ve ever gotten, you piece of crap. You don’t even remember it.”
“But Kibum-ah,” Jinki blurts, stumbling off the bed - “You don’t even like me.”
The silence is stifling. Jinki feels his face blanch when Kibum inches forward, fingers stiff as if he’s about to throttle someone -
“My god, Jinki.“ And Kibum leans forward, one knee resting into the bed as he grabs Jinki’s hair - and then their lips clash, so quickly and brutally that when Kibum pulls away all Jinki sees are stars -
“Get. A. Hint,” Kibum snarls, letting go of Jinki. “Why don’t you!”
And then he stalks out of the room.
It takes Jinki a whole minute to recover, his ears still ringing from Kibum’s screaming, breaths still shallow from the press of Kibum’s lips on his own. Taemin tiptoes in then and slips a DVD package into Jinki’s hands.
“What is this,” Jinki croaks, still too much in shock to do anything but accept the package.
“Ninja Assassin,” Taemin whispers with a little smile. “Got it from Lee Joon-hyung.” A wink, and then he tiptoes back out again and closes the door quietly behind him.
iv.
Jinki emerges from his room an hour later to find Kibum in the living room hanging snow angels on their Christmas tree. Jinki pauses by the hallway to watch the other boy for a moment, and he can’t help but think how much Kibum looks like Christmas itself, with the red and green (oh, the green) in his hair and the loose cream pullover over his shoulders.
“Let me help,” he says softly. Kibum starts and glances over his shoulder at Jinki, huffs a little but nudges the box of decorations over to his direction.
“Just don’t trip over or something.”
Jinki feels the beginnings to a smile pull into his lips as he joins Kibum by the Christmas tree, placing the wired lights along the branches. They work in silence for a long while, and then Jinki says, “want to watch a movie?”
“No,” Kibum snaps, and Jinki feels crushed for two seconds before Kibum appears from the other side of the Christmas tree - “the terrible trio are there right now. I could use a few hours without seeing their faces.”
“Oh,” Jinki breathes. Swallows. Reaches forward and curls his fingers over Kibum’s wrist. “I got Ninja Assassin. On DVD.”
Kibum pauses, a snow angel suspended in the air as it hangs from between his fingers.
“Um. I heard it’s really good. Blood and gore and. Some romance.” Jinki smiles a little as Kibum looks up in surprise. Jinki bites down his lip and he feels so mortified, somehow, even if this isn’t exactly the first time he’s asking Kibum on a… date of sorts -
“You,” Kibum says slowly, but Jinki feels his heart jump at the hint of a smile in Kibum’s lips, “are a sappy idiot, you know that? Who the hell watches Ninja Assassin for the romance? Aish.”
The air has changed. Jinki feels terribly small suddenly, under Kibum’s steady gaze. He clears his throat and steps forward.
“I’m sorry,” he says, his voice cracking a little. “Kibum-ah. About everything.”
Kibum raises an eyebrow. Jinki tries to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut and pushes on.
“I don’t remember the confession because I probably confessed to you in my head every night. I mean. I had it down pat. You probably heard everything I wanted to say.”
“Including the part about you wanting to be my scarf.” Kibum is watching him intently now, the corners of his mouth quirking ever so slightly.
Jinki exhales shakily, his cheeks flushing from embarrassment. “…did I say that?”
“No. Jonghyun did.” Kibum starts laughing then, but Jinki breathes a quiet prayer as he pulls Kibum to him. He briefly catches the slight widening of Kibum’s eyes as he closes in and kisses him. Hardly brutal, he thinks dreamily, as Kibum sighs quietly, head tilting to a side as Jinki plants little kisses over the other boy’s mouth -
“Yeah,” he whispers against Kibum’s lips. “I really want to be your scarf.”
Kibum bites him. Hard. Jinki reels back with a shriek, hand over his mouth as he rolls over to the couch to keep from howling from pain.
“If I hear one more confession like that...” and the warning in Kibum's voice thrills Jinki as much as it scares him. Kibum licks his lips and picks up the Ninja Assassin DVD. “Blood and gore, you say?”
“And romance,” Jinki whimpers from behind his hand as he sits up on the couch. "...Is this a date?"
Kibum grins at him and puts on the movie.