(no subject)
I woke up this morning with a bittersweet feeling. I was happy, I was extraordinarily happy. I had a dream, so realistic of a dream, where I was acting in a play, as well as helping paint the set, and so much other stuff. I felt good about it. The first part, the preparation has faded into my memory, leaving only spots of painting and whatnot, but I remember the end clearly.
We were doing the play, I was onstage, I was a player. It wasn't a production night, we were presenting to an audience full of people with tourettes apparently. Well it started off with a line, and then someone went to present a line, and they didn't know it well. Kimby was in charge, and everyone was up on stage, deciding to switch the role, first to Niranjan, then I think Matt Erlandson? It was pretty early in the play, and we didn't have the lines down and it was pretty terrible, but it didn't feel like that. I was onstage with my friends doing something fun together. We went outside, and there was snow on the ground, with a thin coating interspersed with lines of about 4 inch high snow. We were discussing who would play the lead role, and nobody was caring how we had performed for an audience and failed miserably. We were playing in the snow, and throwing snowballs and having fun. We even saw everyone file out, and nobody cared. Someone came up and said how realistic it was, but how it needed some work. It felt fine after all that, after the audience leaving even.
It was then that I woke up.
It was terrible, I was grasping, hoping for that reality. I had felt so happy and then when I awoke I was devastated that it was no longer true. That dream was happiness, and then it was gone. I felt down for the rest of the dull gray day, until I went out for a run.
NEVER LET ANYTHING YOU LOVE BECOME A CHORE.
I went for a 3 mile run, in the dreary rain, and I thought. I thought about my dream, and I thought about life. I thought about how I'm content with life but not happy with it. I have satisfactory interactions and actions, but not stellar. I ran faster and faster down Columbia Road. I thought about the dull gray day, and then I noticed the slight rain coming down on my body. God, the feeling of running in the rain. I had forgotten that. I had forgotten the feeling I got, of rushing through the rain and feeling the drops hit my skin and loving life itself!
I then realized that running had become a chore, something I do because I have to, because I should do it, not because I love it. I loved running. I still love running. I had forgotten about that. Running alone on a dreary day made me remember. I thought more. I realized that I wasn't fast, and that going back to being fast would be great, and might happen someday, but wasn't necessary. DOING WHAT YOU LOVE IS THE KEY. I would be far more content failing at something I love than succeeding mightily at something I was indifferent towards. That's what the dream taught me. That's what the run taught me. Life is about living, not about succeeding. You need to do what makes you happy, and spread that happiness to the world. Happiness is contagious.
I got a smile and a wave from a complete stranger who lives on my street. The idea felt weird at first, but it felt good. I felt good, happy about that brief moment of contact, spreading happiness. When did a smile and a wave with a complete stranger become odd? At least, when did it become odd to me? I'm happy now, no longer content with life, and I want to keep that. I want to keep on doing what I love, If it's singing at the top of your voice with your friends in the back of a car, or simply enjoying a movie in your basement by yourself, or dancing stupidly to music, do what you love. I can't dance and I can't sing, but damn if I'm not going to love doing them just the same.
Man I feel so much better.
NEVER let something you love become a chore.
It is far better to fail doing something you love, then succeed at something you're indifferent to.
You may not agree, but this has helped me feel, instead of apathy, instead of content, a true true feeling of happiness.
I still would love some sun in the sky though :)
We were doing the play, I was onstage, I was a player. It wasn't a production night, we were presenting to an audience full of people with tourettes apparently. Well it started off with a line, and then someone went to present a line, and they didn't know it well. Kimby was in charge, and everyone was up on stage, deciding to switch the role, first to Niranjan, then I think Matt Erlandson? It was pretty early in the play, and we didn't have the lines down and it was pretty terrible, but it didn't feel like that. I was onstage with my friends doing something fun together. We went outside, and there was snow on the ground, with a thin coating interspersed with lines of about 4 inch high snow. We were discussing who would play the lead role, and nobody was caring how we had performed for an audience and failed miserably. We were playing in the snow, and throwing snowballs and having fun. We even saw everyone file out, and nobody cared. Someone came up and said how realistic it was, but how it needed some work. It felt fine after all that, after the audience leaving even.
It was then that I woke up.
It was terrible, I was grasping, hoping for that reality. I had felt so happy and then when I awoke I was devastated that it was no longer true. That dream was happiness, and then it was gone. I felt down for the rest of the dull gray day, until I went out for a run.
NEVER LET ANYTHING YOU LOVE BECOME A CHORE.
I went for a 3 mile run, in the dreary rain, and I thought. I thought about my dream, and I thought about life. I thought about how I'm content with life but not happy with it. I have satisfactory interactions and actions, but not stellar. I ran faster and faster down Columbia Road. I thought about the dull gray day, and then I noticed the slight rain coming down on my body. God, the feeling of running in the rain. I had forgotten that. I had forgotten the feeling I got, of rushing through the rain and feeling the drops hit my skin and loving life itself!
I then realized that running had become a chore, something I do because I have to, because I should do it, not because I love it. I loved running. I still love running. I had forgotten about that. Running alone on a dreary day made me remember. I thought more. I realized that I wasn't fast, and that going back to being fast would be great, and might happen someday, but wasn't necessary. DOING WHAT YOU LOVE IS THE KEY. I would be far more content failing at something I love than succeeding mightily at something I was indifferent towards. That's what the dream taught me. That's what the run taught me. Life is about living, not about succeeding. You need to do what makes you happy, and spread that happiness to the world. Happiness is contagious.
I got a smile and a wave from a complete stranger who lives on my street. The idea felt weird at first, but it felt good. I felt good, happy about that brief moment of contact, spreading happiness. When did a smile and a wave with a complete stranger become odd? At least, when did it become odd to me? I'm happy now, no longer content with life, and I want to keep that. I want to keep on doing what I love, If it's singing at the top of your voice with your friends in the back of a car, or simply enjoying a movie in your basement by yourself, or dancing stupidly to music, do what you love. I can't dance and I can't sing, but damn if I'm not going to love doing them just the same.
Man I feel so much better.
NEVER let something you love become a chore.
It is far better to fail doing something you love, then succeed at something you're indifferent to.
You may not agree, but this has helped me feel, instead of apathy, instead of content, a true true feeling of happiness.
I still would love some sun in the sky though :)