Who Am I??

[quintessentialy]

I have been bothered recently by a seeming sense of not really knowing who i am. I cannot really seem to find a 'true' me which is the way i am, for i constantly am feeling entirely different, almost as if i was a different person. I know one of the big things for me is my inability to show the good aspects of my personality at certain times or to certain people. People who i don't really know, i tend to unconsciously hide my personality, and become blandish. Evan told me once that this girl i didn't know all that well, but occasionally was interacting with around him was talking and asked Evan if i had much of a personality, or something along those lines. Yet, many of my friends consider me crazy. I have no clue what exactly i am, and sometimes wish i knew moreso how my actions were perceived by others so as to know whether i am expressing my personality as i wish and hope i do. Unfortunately for me, i tend to be awkward in actions, thought, and speech more than i wish too.

On another unrelated note, i have been having general feelings of cynicism and disenchantment with the world in the past week or so, in a large way due to schools and teachers. I don't really see the point of this meaningless work, and feel like my existence is being misused, for i only have little time upon this planet, and wish to be doing what i would like to do for a lot of it, such as helping people, and helping myself through reading and exercising and chilling with people. I guess one thing that might be lacking in the school issue is motivation, and if anyone has any ideas how to regain that, I would love to know.