Maybe I'm not that bad
I haven't felt like a very good person in a long time but I guess that is what happens when your own efforts are met with indecisive indifference. I've spent the last few years dedicating myself to people and causes that forget you the first moment you're not there 24/7. Nobody has truly cared about me in a long long long time outside of my family. I was beginning to believe that I didn't deserve anything except to be the safety blanket or back-up plan to anybody. You know, thinking I can never been a plan A but maybe I can be an acceptable plan B. So what if I never get the energy I put out sent back my way? If it so bad to expend energy to be a solid back-up plan. Maybe being a back up plan is all I am good enough to be even with a lot of practice. Women have convinced me of that fact for years now. I was never the pretty boy who had money, the car, and looks. I was the great friend who was overly nice to the entire world and worth taking advantage of by girls when things weren't working out with their boyfriend. I would never be good enough date, so long as their boyfriends were interested for the some time being. I was convinced I would never be the sexy guy that girls lusted over or truly wanted physically. I am just an emotional back up like the reliable Oldsmobile in the garage that nobody ever wants until their sports car breaks down on them.
Then it seems things have completely changed. I met a woman for once who is independent, intelligent, witty, geeky, self-sufficient, attractive and LOYAL. She has shown me that I'm not a stupid plan B for my entire life. She has shown me I'm worth more than just being the back up car at some unappreciative girl's beckon call. I've found a woman who cares about me and only me. She works to show me what the little things in life are still worth doing and in the end I don't feel like such the loser scumbag I used to. I'm worth something in life, it just took finding a woman who is worth my effort to show me that.
Then it seems things have completely changed. I met a woman for once who is independent, intelligent, witty, geeky, self-sufficient, attractive and LOYAL. She has shown me that I'm not a stupid plan B for my entire life. She has shown me I'm worth more than just being the back up car at some unappreciative girl's beckon call. I've found a woman who cares about me and only me. She works to show me what the little things in life are still worth doing and in the end I don't feel like such the loser scumbag I used to. I'm worth something in life, it just took finding a woman who is worth my effort to show me that.