There is nowhere else I'd rather be, but I can't just be right here.
For the first time in quite a while, I'm a part of an Important Concert.
... and I crap out three-quarters of the way through the rehearsal. Let's review this, ladies and germs. I can't go for a three hour rehearsal without being mentally and physically exhausted. My head's spinning, I'm dizzy, and my legs are weak. It's a bit of a miracle that someone gave me a ride home, really. I might've passed out along the way. This is not like me. I've been in four hour rehearsals and been just fine. Hell, I was in a five-hour-rehearsal once. Tired, but not this weak/exhausted.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of being mentally and physically sick, and just... going on. I'm not strong anymore, I don't think. I'm just too damned stubborn to do anything else.
I miss you all. I miss having a community, I miss being a human being instead of something fake. I wish someone would notice me and tell me that it's going to be ok.
Because the longer this goes on, the more I'm wondering if it just.... isn't going to ever be ok again.
... and I crap out three-quarters of the way through the rehearsal. Let's review this, ladies and germs. I can't go for a three hour rehearsal without being mentally and physically exhausted. My head's spinning, I'm dizzy, and my legs are weak. It's a bit of a miracle that someone gave me a ride home, really. I might've passed out along the way. This is not like me. I've been in four hour rehearsals and been just fine. Hell, I was in a five-hour-rehearsal once. Tired, but not this weak/exhausted.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of being mentally and physically sick, and just... going on. I'm not strong anymore, I don't think. I'm just too damned stubborn to do anything else.
I miss you all. I miss having a community, I miss being a human being instead of something fake. I wish someone would notice me and tell me that it's going to be ok.
Because the longer this goes on, the more I'm wondering if it just.... isn't going to ever be ok again.