What Really Matters - LJ Idol Week 2
I turned forty last month.
The last year has been a sea change for me. I quit my demanding job to cut down stress, only to accept a raise to stay another year. I ended or scaled back several 25+ year friendships, realizing that I was a much better friend to them than they were to me. I adopted a cat. I took over the title of my childhood home, and set about making it “mine” - finally after 40 years figuring out what my individual style is. Purging and donating stuff both physical and emotional, and trying to figure out what really matters.
The answers have been somewhat surprising, to be honest.
Church? I am fine with letting organized religion go, and studying on my own. Digging in and knowing why I believe what I do is the important part.
Animals are important. I was without a cat for about 8 weeks after my beloved Chester passed suddenly. I didn’t do well. I need animal companionship to be happy.
Stuff. I have so much crap I never use, that I thought I HAD to have. Slowly paring down and trying to be more thoughtful of what I buy.
I’ve become remarkably blunt and less tolerant of bullsh@t. The older I get the less patience I have for bigotry, racism, unfairness, stupidity, misogyny, selfishness, and especially willful ignorance. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would become an activist. People need to remember we live in a society, and do their part for the collective good, whether it is by donating, volunteering, or just sharing what you can spare with those who have a need.
Reading! I just didn’t have the brainwidth during the early pandemic, and not reading regularly was not good for my mental health. Once I just started reading fluffy, fun reads for awhile my mental health greatly improved. I’m on my 9th book of the year already this year.
The Arts. I have, like everyone else, lived without a lot of culture for the last few years. I started watching Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “The Show Must Go On” streams - they helped get me thru the darkest days. I got season tickets to our outdoor theater last year, and it helped sustain me till I could go out and do things, and started to rekindle the spark of my love of Broadway that had been firmly squashed by the demands of adulthood and lack of like-minded people. Surprising, since I work in the theatre but doing admin leaves me little time to actually GO to the theater.
I joined several online theatre groups, my dad got me season tickets to the Fox for Christmas this year. One guaranteed theatre night a month. I bought myself some holiday concert tickets with the money I would have spent going to holiday parties and gatherings I was uninvited to or didn‘t feel safe attending. Amy Grant, Straight No Chaser, Trans-Siberian Orchestra and NYE at the St. Louis Symphony filled my December. I bought myself Symphony tickets for this spring, and started buying CDs again. I’d pretty much given up listening to music since my Ipod was stolen and I lost my whole library. I didn’t realize how much I missed it.
Creativity is another thing I discovered was essential to me. I have been a quilter for 15 years and in a guild for 12, but I had no time or desire to quilt for the last few years. Picked that up again, and started taking free online painting classes in watercolor and gouache thru the library.
Community. I started monthly zoom calls with my quilt ladies and hosted a Zoom quilt retreat - the second one is this weekend. I also joined several communities of people online and have made some good friends. Finding people who share my interests and not just my zip code has been a gamechanger.
I’m unlearning a lot of toxic behaviors, and teaching myself better habits in a lot of different areas. For most of my life, I was trained to give to others and not do things for myself. I’m figuring out how to balance myself for the first time in my life.
All in all, what really matters is just doing your best to be a good human, to find out what makes you happy, and go and do it, and to do your best to improve your own little corner of the world.