This Boy (Yami no Matsuei)
This Boy
By: aishuu
Fandom: Yami no Matsuei
Pairing: Tatsumi/Hisoka
Theme: if you loved anyone
Note: Written for the 31_days theme exchange with a list assigned by scoured, 31 Ways to Leave Your Lover.
day 8: if you loved anyone
After the incident with Touda, you find yourself watching Hisoka.
It's in your nature to be one of the world's observers. You analyze everything to the most minute part, your accountant's mind assigning values to every gesture and word. Of course you paid attention to him when he first was assigned to partner Tsuzuki, but you'd assumed - like all Tsuzuki's past partners - that Hisoka wouldn't last.
He's proved you wrong, and you're not comfortable with that. You don't like the idea that this boy - little more than a child and lacking the power even a novice shinigami should possess - has managed to do what you could not. But a part of you is grateful to him, because maybe he's the strongest, daring to take that chance.
Love is something that cannot be quantified, although you wished it was that simple. You loved Tsuzuki enough to let him die. The boy loved him enough to ask him to live. You do not know which of you loves Tsuzuki more.
You watch him pick up Tsuzuki's slack, filling out the endless paperwork that comes with their cases. You watch him grumble and mutter resentfully about his incompetent partner, and being stuck with an idiot. But the words contain little force, and you realize that it's all bluster with no real feeling behind it.
It's what he doesn't say that speaks volumes to you. He never tells Tsuzuki he isn't wanted. He never refers to that bleak day, when Tsuzuki was fully prepared to kill himself. He never threatens to change partners, not even when Tsuzuki's being particularly trying. The underlying promise this boy offers humbles you. Through his inaction, the boy promises never to leave Tsuzuki, to be the one courageous enough to stay with him.
You watch how Tsuzuki acts around Hisoka, and you realize that this boy is something special. Tsuzuki's eyes linger on the boy's face, and he's rarely more than three feet away from his partner. Tsuzuki used to look at you sort of like that, although this time the look isn't so wistful. You wish you were entitled to be jealous, but honesty compels you to admit that you are grateful. Tsuzuki deserves someone who is brave enough to love him back.
You decide to do what you can to help this boy, may Enma have mercy on you. There's the little things, like stretching the expense account and occasionally filling out paperwork yourself, but there's a large gift you're planning to offer someday. You know that if you can destroy Muraki, you will be doing them both a favor. You don't want Hisoka's spirit to be tarnished by killing the madman. You don't want Tsuzuki to call upon his limits by taking him out. You want that sin to rest on your shoulders alone, because it's all you can offer them that can be accepted.
Hisoka is the key. If you can save this boy, you can save Tsuzuki. And maybe by saving them both, you can save what's left of your soul.
By: aishuu
Fandom: Yami no Matsuei
Pairing: Tatsumi/Hisoka
Theme: if you loved anyone
Note: Written for the 31_days theme exchange with a list assigned by scoured, 31 Ways to Leave Your Lover.
day 8: if you loved anyone
After the incident with Touda, you find yourself watching Hisoka.
It's in your nature to be one of the world's observers. You analyze everything to the most minute part, your accountant's mind assigning values to every gesture and word. Of course you paid attention to him when he first was assigned to partner Tsuzuki, but you'd assumed - like all Tsuzuki's past partners - that Hisoka wouldn't last.
He's proved you wrong, and you're not comfortable with that. You don't like the idea that this boy - little more than a child and lacking the power even a novice shinigami should possess - has managed to do what you could not. But a part of you is grateful to him, because maybe he's the strongest, daring to take that chance.
Love is something that cannot be quantified, although you wished it was that simple. You loved Tsuzuki enough to let him die. The boy loved him enough to ask him to live. You do not know which of you loves Tsuzuki more.
You watch him pick up Tsuzuki's slack, filling out the endless paperwork that comes with their cases. You watch him grumble and mutter resentfully about his incompetent partner, and being stuck with an idiot. But the words contain little force, and you realize that it's all bluster with no real feeling behind it.
It's what he doesn't say that speaks volumes to you. He never tells Tsuzuki he isn't wanted. He never refers to that bleak day, when Tsuzuki was fully prepared to kill himself. He never threatens to change partners, not even when Tsuzuki's being particularly trying. The underlying promise this boy offers humbles you. Through his inaction, the boy promises never to leave Tsuzuki, to be the one courageous enough to stay with him.
You watch how Tsuzuki acts around Hisoka, and you realize that this boy is something special. Tsuzuki's eyes linger on the boy's face, and he's rarely more than three feet away from his partner. Tsuzuki used to look at you sort of like that, although this time the look isn't so wistful. You wish you were entitled to be jealous, but honesty compels you to admit that you are grateful. Tsuzuki deserves someone who is brave enough to love him back.
You decide to do what you can to help this boy, may Enma have mercy on you. There's the little things, like stretching the expense account and occasionally filling out paperwork yourself, but there's a large gift you're planning to offer someday. You know that if you can destroy Muraki, you will be doing them both a favor. You don't want Hisoka's spirit to be tarnished by killing the madman. You don't want Tsuzuki to call upon his limits by taking him out. You want that sin to rest on your shoulders alone, because it's all you can offer them that can be accepted.
Hisoka is the key. If you can save this boy, you can save Tsuzuki. And maybe by saving them both, you can save what's left of your soul.