Their Happily Ever After (Detective Conan, 1/3)
Their Happily Ever After
~ A Detective Conan/Magic Kaitou Fanfiction ~
by: aishuu
Summary: One of the hardest things is to accept the cards that have been dealt. Ran and Conan, and finding what matters.
Rating: PG-13, some dark ideas, disturbing concepts and sexuality.
Notes: Written for ysabet as a bribe. Two more parts to come, to be posted on Mondays (8/21 and 8/28)
Part One
"Psst, isn't that the woman who...?" A woman in her forties said to her friend, turning to her friend in a semi-discreet fashion.
Ran was used to the whispers, but that didn't mean she didn't hear them. She tried to ignore what was being said, but the words permeated her mind. She knew that there was nothing wrong with her marriage, but that didn't make everything all right. The world was not accepting of the unusual, especially a country like Japan.
Pushing the cart through the aisles, she considered abandoning her shopping list and just going home. That would be giving them power over her, and Ran was nothing if not stubborn. She would not submit to their petty manipulations.
Sometimes she wished she wasn't so pigheaded. They had considered relocating, but she pointed out that he was needed in Beika. He told her that her needs were the most important thing to him, and there were other places that could use his skills. She had shaken her head, knowing that no matter where they went, their union would raise eyebrows.
Her husband popped out of seemingly nowhere, and she almost jumped out of her skin as he leaned against the side of her cart. He had the habit of moving silently - probably a leftover from his days living in terror of the Black Organization - and she still hadn't become accustomed to it. He gained such great amusement from startling her that it'd become almost a running joke between them.
He wasn't joking now. "Are you alright, Ran?" he asked, his voice pitched softly so it wouldn't carry.
"I'm fine, Conan," she assured him, keeping her own tone low-key. She didn't pretend that nothing was wrong, because he knew her too well for such subterfuge to work. "It's just the usual, I know how to deal with it."
He put his hand gently on her shoulder, smiling at her in a reassuring fashion. "They're just jealous you're married to such a stunningly handsome and brilliant man," he said playfully, which was her cue to swat him for his impudence.
She was too tired to play along right now. She shook her head, rolling her eyes. "Really, Conan," she sighed. "Can we just finish our shopping and go home?"
He agreed, but the frown he wore on his face said he wasn't about to forget.
It had taken her a while before she could bring herself to touch him again once she knew who he really was. A child was not treated like an adult; gestures carried different connotations. She couldn't hold Conan's hand now that she knew he was Shinichi. Shinichi was her almost-boyfriend, not her child.
She knew it hurt him, the way she hesitated, but she was afraid. While emotionally she recognized him - had always recognized him on some level, even when he was Edogawa Conan - it was hard to mentally believe that the boy she loved was trapped in the body of a child. Seeing him in public, playing the cute kid, was another kick to the gut.
And she was so furious that he hadn't believed in her.
She didn't find out what had happened to Shinichi until the eve of his final confrontation with the Black Organization. It wasn't until she'd been kidnapped, held hostage with a gun pressed to her head to guarantee his arrival, that she had finally learned the truth. It seemed impossible that a teenager could be turned into a small child, but she had learned to believe the evidence before her eyes. When you have eliminated all options, and were left with only one, however implausible, it had to be the truth.
And the truth was Shinichi was Conan. She had suspected it many times over the past year, but had dismissed it as ridiculous. After the Black Organization fell, they were left with plenty of time to reconcile with their situation.
It had taken weeks for her to calm down enough to recognize that he had his reasons for his choices. She didn't agree with them, but there was nothing she could do to change the past. The only thing they could do was move forward, accepting their awkward lot in life. Haibara Ai was working on a cure for the apotoxin, and with luck, Shinichi would be able to reclaim his former body.
Ran had never faltered in her devotion to him. He may have been trapped in a body much younger, but that didn't affect his brilliant mind. He was still Shinichi, even though she couldn't call him that. He shared their childhood memories, and knew her better than anyone.
She, though, had to relearn who he was.
Conan was not the same person she had fallen in love with when he'd been Shinichi. He was more considerate, and while his ego was healthy, he was no longer so cocky. Most of all, he was more inclined to listen to what she said without jumping to conclusions first. On the whole, she rather liked the change.
There were times she missed the fearlessness he'd once possessed, but his bold bravery that had been replaced by caution. A lot of the impulsiveness that made it so fun to be around him had been curtailed. Sometimes she'd see shadows of the man he had been, but often times he repressed his real self. Ran wondered if at times he wasn't glad to be Conan, since a lot less was expected of a child.
She threw that at him during one of their fights. They couldn't fight they way they had when they grew up together, since she was so much bigger and even if she pulled her blows, it might injure his frailer body. So instead they had gotten into verbal arguments, with her snapping out venomous insults, and him replying with icy sarcasm. She didn't like it, but a couple had to be able to fight, and their new mode was only due to their situation.
He had actually twitched at that insult. "Ran, only an idiot would want to be a child again," he replied. His words were even colder than usual, and she could see the tension in the set of his shoulders. "There may be some easier things, but we're not meant to go back," he said, and then he'd walked out to his room so he could calm down.
She regretted that, because she knew how mind-numbingly boring he found his current existence. It was better, he said, now that he didn't have to hide his intelligence at home, but there was still the public school, and any kind of interaction with people not in "the know." Even without the threat of the Black Organization, he didn't want to stand out. He wanted to be able to "retire" Edogawa Conan without much notice when Ai found the cure.
She apologized later that evening when he finally came down for dinner. Her father, for once exhibiting a sign of tact, buried his nose back in a newspaper and pretended not to pay attention.
"I'm sorry, Shinichi," she murmured as she served him a dish of his favorite food. "I was being mean. I shouldn't have accused you of that. I know you don't like being Conan."
"You may just be a little right," Conan said, and he touched the back of her hand. "Sometimes it's easier for me, since I'm not supposed to be the adult. It's nice to not always have the responsibility for my actions. If anything, this whole mess is harder for you."
She stared at him, wondering what he meant by that. It was only much later she understood, and realized how much better Shinichi understood humanity than she did.
The strangest thing for her had been watching him grow up again. Unlike normal children, she knew exactly what to expect as he aged. Every now and then she would be struck anew with recognition; his face at ten, then twelve. Slowly he was turning back into his former self.
For a while, they kept hoping that Haibara would stumble upon a cure, but by the time he turned twelve - for the second time - they had been forced to concede defeat. It had been a bitter pill for both of them to swallow.
She remembered coming home from college that day, and seeing him in her father's office chair. He had moved out several years before, ostensibly adopted by Kudo Yuusaku and Yukiko after the "Edogawas" had died in a traffic accident. They couldn't give him his former life back, but at least he was able to have his family name. To her surprise, his parents had decided to call Japan home. She saw him frequently, although the demands school set on them kept them apart more than they liked.
He sat with his feet on the chair, hands hooked around his legs. She remembered the posture; it was the one he had always adopted when considering weighty matters. She hadn't heard of any recent crimes that had caught his attention, but he did have a way of finding dead bodies that was just short of supernatural.
"Conan?" she asked. She'd dropped the honorific after hearing who he really was. "What are you doing here?"
"Ran, we need to talk." He pulled the thick black frames off his face, setting them aside. His feet fell to the floor and he propped his elbows up on his knees, leaning forward intently. She could see vestiges of the man she loved in his child's face. She remembered when they had been his current age together, and ached for that time, back when there had been no murders or villains.
The smile faded from her lips as she sat on the edge of the desk. "What is it?" she asked.
"My parents are moving back to America - and I'm going with them," he said softly.
The words echoed through her mind, and she shook her head. "Just because your parents are moving doesn't mean you have to go!" she protested. She started to think of solutions to the problem. "You can stay with Agasa, or even my parents-"
He cut her words off before she could come up with more suggestions. "I want to go."
She moved her mouth wordlessly, trying to find some way to express her feelings. The idea of him wanting to leave her hurt like nothing else. "If I did something-"
"Ran, I need to let you live your own life." He shut his eyes, taking a deep breath. "And I can't be around you now."
She fought to control her tears. She would not let him see her weep. "Shinichi, I want you in my life. If you don't love me-" She trailed off, unable to finish the statement.
"I do," he said fiercely. "But Ran? I'm not Shinichi anymore."
She stared at him. "But-"
"I talked to Ai today, and she told me she was giving up searching for a cure."
"She can't!" Ran protested. Throughout it all, Ran and Shinichi had both maintained hope that he'd one day be returned to his original shape, and they could pick their relationship back up. They had not openly discussed marriage, but it was one of the unspoken assumptions between them.
"I told her it was okay." He rubbed the bridge of his nose in a tired fashion. "I've been like this for five years, and there's still no progress. A cure would give me, what, five years? And a cure is very likely to kill me, so the risk isn't worth it, not at this point. At some point you have to cut your losses."
It wasn't like him to give into hopelessness. "Even if you can't get a cure, that doesn't mean you have to go! I love you!" she snapped out, her anger robbing the words of the customary gentleness they evoked.
He took another deep breath. "Ran, I'm about to hit puberty again, and I'm not looking forward to it. For the next five years, I'm going to be dealing with a bunch of hormonal issues, and being around you is not going to help." He gestured contemptuously to his slight frame.
Ran scowled at the insult. "If you're implying that I would make fun of you, or do anything less than be completely supportive-"
"That's the problem," he said softly. "I know you, and I know me, and I don't want things to get out of control. When my hormones kick in, I'll want you like a man, but I won't be one. No matter how good my - our - control is, there's a large chance that we'll... well, you're not the only one frustrated at our situation. I'll do - we'll do - something which isn't right. I won't lay that burden on you. I don't want anyone to accuse you of being a child molester."
It sounded so filthy when he phrased it like that. She hadn't thought of that, of what could happen if they gave into impulses... she didn't see a child, she saw Shinichi. She saw the man she loved, trapped in a form that wasn't his.
"I promise I can wait," Ran said, not hiding her desperation and fear. "Just please, please, please don't leave me." She didn't want to go through the loneliness of not having him by her side. She couldn't live like that again, since so much of who she was had been created by their relationship.
He lifted a hand to brush away a strand of stray hair from her eyes. "Ran, you need to let me go."
She shook her head, trying to deny the truth he was setting before her. "Shinichi..." she whispered, catching his hand - so achingly small and delicate compared to her grown one - in her own, pressing it against her cheek. She stared into those unshielded blue eyes, and leaned forward to press a chaste kiss on his lips.
He pulled away before she could. "Ran, don't," he said, and pushed the chair away so he could rise to his feet. "I'm sorry," he apologized again, and she watched him leave, before allowing herself to collapse forward, landing on the floor as she buried her tearless face in her hands, wondering what she was going to do. In the end, she did what any young woman in crisis would do - she went to her mother.
Kisaki Eri had moved back in with Mouri Kogorou three years before, and that experience only seemed to lengthen her patience. She listened as Ran explained what was happening, and let her daughter yell about Shinichi's idiocy, and her anger that he was going to leave her. Finally she broke down in a crying jag, leaving her face unattractively blotchy.
Eri just held her, letting Ran cry herself out before speaking. "Ran, you know what they say. If you love something, set it free. If it's love is true, it will come back to you."
"So you're saying I should let him go?" Ran asked dully. She had fought for so long to keep Shinichi in her life, and now she was being asked to just... let him leave. Without protest.
"I'm saying he's letting you go. It's your choice if you want to go back to him," Eri said. "Practically speaking, you can't be together right now, but that doesn't mean you can't find him when he's a little older. That's if you still want him - there's other men out there who can make you happy. Ones less stubborn than Kudo-kun."
"If he thinks I'm going to just let him decide for us-" Ran said, feeling a trace of her customary spirit stirring. She hugged her mother for the sound advice, and took a hurried leave. If she moved quickly enough, there was a good chance she could catch him before the Kudos left town.
She found them in the final stages of packing. The house was being shut up, she noticed, but the chairs were carefully covered with sheets, a hint that someday, they would return. She tried to keep that from getting her hopes up, but that trace of damnable optimism latched onto that small sign.
"Ah, Ran-chan!" Yukiko said, and a happy smile came to her lips. "I'm so glad you dropped by!" Setting aside the newspaper she'd been wrapping assorted glass items in, she caught Ran in a tight embrace. "I'm so happy to see you," she whispered in Ran's ear, before pulling back.
Yuusaku, who had let her in, had been less effusive in his greetings. He had merely nodded his head, like he'd been expecting to see her before quietly directing her to the study. Yukiko's warmth was a pleasant contrast.
"I was hoping you might agree to keep an eye on the place," Yukiko continued in a brisk voice. "Stop in, check to make sure no one's broken in, throw a few parties for your friends so it doesn't feel disused..." She dug in her pockets, before pulling out a Yaiba key chain with a single gold key attached.
Ran smiled at Yukiko's playfulness. "Sure," she agreed, claiming the keys and tucking them into her purse. "I might even dust it now and then."
Yukiko laughed and waved a hand dismissively. "Don't worry about that, a little dust never hurt anyone. Please feel free to stop in any time, especially if you just want someplace where you can be alone."
It was a generous offer. For a student, quiet space was priceless, and living with Mouri Kogorou and Kisaki Eri rarely offered that. Life was interesting, but not tranquil. "Thanks, Yukiko-obaasan," she said. Then she couldn't contain her impatience anymore. "Is Shinichi around?"
The smile on Yukiko's lips faded, but didn't vanish entirely. "He's up in his room getting ready to leave." The pause in the air was heavy, and Ran knew she wasn't going to like what the older woman said next. "I always thought you were going to be my daughter-in-law," Yukiko confessed, and then she broke, tears running down her lovely cheeks.
"Please don't cry," Ran said, wrapping Yukiko in another hug, rubbing her back soothingly. Unfortunately, her words had the opposite effect, causing Yukiko to just sob louder.
Ran had already cried herself out, or else she would have likely melted down as well. Now anger was starting to take the place of her loneliness, and she wasn't going to take the situation lying down. She was a fighter, and she wouldn't accept defeat.
Yukiko gathered herself more quickly than Ran anticipated, giving Ran another tight hug of gratitude before using her left hand to brush her tears away. "It's going to be so hard for him," Yukiko said, and her voice cracked. "I've never seen him so hopeless. Shin-chan always just bounces back, or finds some other way to a solution, but he just can't this time, and I don't know how he'll cope. I don't know how we'll cope." Her eyes threatened to spill again, but she snuffled, trying to regain her composure.
Ran would have had to have a hard heart to not to be moved by the older woman's obvious turmoil. How hard it hard to be, to see your child suffer and not be able to do anything about it. "He'll survive," Ran told her. "If there's one thing Shinichi is, it's a survivor."
Yukiko agreed, but her words sounded flat. "He is, isn't he? You should go talk to him and say good bye," she said. "We're leaving to catch our plane in about an hour, so you'll have to be quick."
Ran's own words rung mockingly through her mind as she mounted the stairs that would take her to his room. Shinichi might have the gods' own luck when it came to surviving, but she wasn't sure about herself. Her anger had been partially dispelled by Yukiko's obvious pain, which had probably been Yusaku's intent. She could talk to Shinichi now without yelling - well, she could start a conversation without yelling. Knowing him, she'd be furious again within minutes. He was such an idiot.
His door was open, and she could see him sitting on a chair already covered with a sheet in his favorite thinking posture. She didn't know if the Kudos were keeping the residence, since they could be having movers come in later, but the dust cloths were a good indicator that they would return someday. He had taught her to think of those kinds of little details. He had taught her a lot.
When he had first turned into Conan, he had been forced to leave all his belongings behind. Occasionally she would sneak over to his house and sit in his room, pretending that he had just stepped outside to fetch them some snacks. Now that fantasy was lost to her, since most of his personal belongings had been packed away, leaving the room spartan. It really hit her then. He was going away forever.
She must have made some noise, because he started, swinging his startled gaze toward her a millisecond later. "Ran?" he said.
"You know, it's rude to just leave in the middle of a conversation," she said, crossing her arms over her breasts.
"What else is there to say?" He hung his head, and she could see the weariness in the set of his shoulders. He looked even younger than the twelve he was able to claim as Conan.
"Shinichi, you just can't walk out of my life and expect me to let you go without a fight! I can't say goodbye to everything we had so easily!" She was yelling, not caring if they were overheard by their parents.
"I've got to say goodbye to Shinichi, too," he snapped in frustration. His hands balled into fists at his sides. "I have to admit that I will never be that person again! Do you think this is easy?"
"I know, I know..." she said. "I realize you're doing what you think you have to, but I'd like it if you didn't make up my mind for me."
His glare faded. "Ran?"
"I won't wait for you. I'll try to move on, but if it doesn't work, I want you to be willing to at least give us a chance," she said firmly. "A fair chance."
He blinked, trying to understand what she meant. "Ran, we can't-"
"Just because we can't be together now doesn't mean there's not the future," she said. "If we really love each other, it would be ridiculous to stay apart because of a difference in age. I don't want you to promise anything except that you're willing to keep your mind open to the possibility. If all else fails, I still want you as my friend."
He nodded slowly, and she tried to keep that from making her excited, but Ran knew what she had accomplished. She had won a battle with the world's most stubborn detective.
"Thank you," she said, and went to him for an embrace. There was nothing romantic in her touch, just gratitude and caring.
He didn't pull away, but there was no visible reaction to her touch. She wished he would hug her back, at least for this goodbye, but he didn't. A bit annoyed - and not willing to admit her fear that he was already shutting her away - she shifted so she could look at his beloved face. She stared down, stunned into silence when she saw the glistening sheen of tears on his round, childish cheeks.
She had never seen him cry before.
"It'll be okay," she promised, and her words opened the floodgates. "There's only one truth, and that is that things will work out in the end. If we believe that, we still have hope."
He started to shake from grief, his sobs silent but raking his entire body. He had never let her see his sorrow and pain like that, but now she held him, letting him grieve for the life he should have had. This she could do; she could be the support he needed at this moment, even if he refused it in the future.
It would be another three years before they saw each other in person again.
~ A Detective Conan/Magic Kaitou Fanfiction ~
by: aishuu
Summary: One of the hardest things is to accept the cards that have been dealt. Ran and Conan, and finding what matters.
Rating: PG-13, some dark ideas, disturbing concepts and sexuality.
Notes: Written for ysabet as a bribe. Two more parts to come, to be posted on Mondays (8/21 and 8/28)
Part One
"Psst, isn't that the woman who...?" A woman in her forties said to her friend, turning to her friend in a semi-discreet fashion.
Ran was used to the whispers, but that didn't mean she didn't hear them. She tried to ignore what was being said, but the words permeated her mind. She knew that there was nothing wrong with her marriage, but that didn't make everything all right. The world was not accepting of the unusual, especially a country like Japan.
Pushing the cart through the aisles, she considered abandoning her shopping list and just going home. That would be giving them power over her, and Ran was nothing if not stubborn. She would not submit to their petty manipulations.
Sometimes she wished she wasn't so pigheaded. They had considered relocating, but she pointed out that he was needed in Beika. He told her that her needs were the most important thing to him, and there were other places that could use his skills. She had shaken her head, knowing that no matter where they went, their union would raise eyebrows.
Her husband popped out of seemingly nowhere, and she almost jumped out of her skin as he leaned against the side of her cart. He had the habit of moving silently - probably a leftover from his days living in terror of the Black Organization - and she still hadn't become accustomed to it. He gained such great amusement from startling her that it'd become almost a running joke between them.
He wasn't joking now. "Are you alright, Ran?" he asked, his voice pitched softly so it wouldn't carry.
"I'm fine, Conan," she assured him, keeping her own tone low-key. She didn't pretend that nothing was wrong, because he knew her too well for such subterfuge to work. "It's just the usual, I know how to deal with it."
He put his hand gently on her shoulder, smiling at her in a reassuring fashion. "They're just jealous you're married to such a stunningly handsome and brilliant man," he said playfully, which was her cue to swat him for his impudence.
She was too tired to play along right now. She shook her head, rolling her eyes. "Really, Conan," she sighed. "Can we just finish our shopping and go home?"
He agreed, but the frown he wore on his face said he wasn't about to forget.
It had taken her a while before she could bring herself to touch him again once she knew who he really was. A child was not treated like an adult; gestures carried different connotations. She couldn't hold Conan's hand now that she knew he was Shinichi. Shinichi was her almost-boyfriend, not her child.
She knew it hurt him, the way she hesitated, but she was afraid. While emotionally she recognized him - had always recognized him on some level, even when he was Edogawa Conan - it was hard to mentally believe that the boy she loved was trapped in the body of a child. Seeing him in public, playing the cute kid, was another kick to the gut.
And she was so furious that he hadn't believed in her.
She didn't find out what had happened to Shinichi until the eve of his final confrontation with the Black Organization. It wasn't until she'd been kidnapped, held hostage with a gun pressed to her head to guarantee his arrival, that she had finally learned the truth. It seemed impossible that a teenager could be turned into a small child, but she had learned to believe the evidence before her eyes. When you have eliminated all options, and were left with only one, however implausible, it had to be the truth.
And the truth was Shinichi was Conan. She had suspected it many times over the past year, but had dismissed it as ridiculous. After the Black Organization fell, they were left with plenty of time to reconcile with their situation.
It had taken weeks for her to calm down enough to recognize that he had his reasons for his choices. She didn't agree with them, but there was nothing she could do to change the past. The only thing they could do was move forward, accepting their awkward lot in life. Haibara Ai was working on a cure for the apotoxin, and with luck, Shinichi would be able to reclaim his former body.
Ran had never faltered in her devotion to him. He may have been trapped in a body much younger, but that didn't affect his brilliant mind. He was still Shinichi, even though she couldn't call him that. He shared their childhood memories, and knew her better than anyone.
She, though, had to relearn who he was.
Conan was not the same person she had fallen in love with when he'd been Shinichi. He was more considerate, and while his ego was healthy, he was no longer so cocky. Most of all, he was more inclined to listen to what she said without jumping to conclusions first. On the whole, she rather liked the change.
There were times she missed the fearlessness he'd once possessed, but his bold bravery that had been replaced by caution. A lot of the impulsiveness that made it so fun to be around him had been curtailed. Sometimes she'd see shadows of the man he had been, but often times he repressed his real self. Ran wondered if at times he wasn't glad to be Conan, since a lot less was expected of a child.
She threw that at him during one of their fights. They couldn't fight they way they had when they grew up together, since she was so much bigger and even if she pulled her blows, it might injure his frailer body. So instead they had gotten into verbal arguments, with her snapping out venomous insults, and him replying with icy sarcasm. She didn't like it, but a couple had to be able to fight, and their new mode was only due to their situation.
He had actually twitched at that insult. "Ran, only an idiot would want to be a child again," he replied. His words were even colder than usual, and she could see the tension in the set of his shoulders. "There may be some easier things, but we're not meant to go back," he said, and then he'd walked out to his room so he could calm down.
She regretted that, because she knew how mind-numbingly boring he found his current existence. It was better, he said, now that he didn't have to hide his intelligence at home, but there was still the public school, and any kind of interaction with people not in "the know." Even without the threat of the Black Organization, he didn't want to stand out. He wanted to be able to "retire" Edogawa Conan without much notice when Ai found the cure.
She apologized later that evening when he finally came down for dinner. Her father, for once exhibiting a sign of tact, buried his nose back in a newspaper and pretended not to pay attention.
"I'm sorry, Shinichi," she murmured as she served him a dish of his favorite food. "I was being mean. I shouldn't have accused you of that. I know you don't like being Conan."
"You may just be a little right," Conan said, and he touched the back of her hand. "Sometimes it's easier for me, since I'm not supposed to be the adult. It's nice to not always have the responsibility for my actions. If anything, this whole mess is harder for you."
She stared at him, wondering what he meant by that. It was only much later she understood, and realized how much better Shinichi understood humanity than she did.
The strangest thing for her had been watching him grow up again. Unlike normal children, she knew exactly what to expect as he aged. Every now and then she would be struck anew with recognition; his face at ten, then twelve. Slowly he was turning back into his former self.
For a while, they kept hoping that Haibara would stumble upon a cure, but by the time he turned twelve - for the second time - they had been forced to concede defeat. It had been a bitter pill for both of them to swallow.
She remembered coming home from college that day, and seeing him in her father's office chair. He had moved out several years before, ostensibly adopted by Kudo Yuusaku and Yukiko after the "Edogawas" had died in a traffic accident. They couldn't give him his former life back, but at least he was able to have his family name. To her surprise, his parents had decided to call Japan home. She saw him frequently, although the demands school set on them kept them apart more than they liked.
He sat with his feet on the chair, hands hooked around his legs. She remembered the posture; it was the one he had always adopted when considering weighty matters. She hadn't heard of any recent crimes that had caught his attention, but he did have a way of finding dead bodies that was just short of supernatural.
"Conan?" she asked. She'd dropped the honorific after hearing who he really was. "What are you doing here?"
"Ran, we need to talk." He pulled the thick black frames off his face, setting them aside. His feet fell to the floor and he propped his elbows up on his knees, leaning forward intently. She could see vestiges of the man she loved in his child's face. She remembered when they had been his current age together, and ached for that time, back when there had been no murders or villains.
The smile faded from her lips as she sat on the edge of the desk. "What is it?" she asked.
"My parents are moving back to America - and I'm going with them," he said softly.
The words echoed through her mind, and she shook her head. "Just because your parents are moving doesn't mean you have to go!" she protested. She started to think of solutions to the problem. "You can stay with Agasa, or even my parents-"
He cut her words off before she could come up with more suggestions. "I want to go."
She moved her mouth wordlessly, trying to find some way to express her feelings. The idea of him wanting to leave her hurt like nothing else. "If I did something-"
"Ran, I need to let you live your own life." He shut his eyes, taking a deep breath. "And I can't be around you now."
She fought to control her tears. She would not let him see her weep. "Shinichi, I want you in my life. If you don't love me-" She trailed off, unable to finish the statement.
"I do," he said fiercely. "But Ran? I'm not Shinichi anymore."
She stared at him. "But-"
"I talked to Ai today, and she told me she was giving up searching for a cure."
"She can't!" Ran protested. Throughout it all, Ran and Shinichi had both maintained hope that he'd one day be returned to his original shape, and they could pick their relationship back up. They had not openly discussed marriage, but it was one of the unspoken assumptions between them.
"I told her it was okay." He rubbed the bridge of his nose in a tired fashion. "I've been like this for five years, and there's still no progress. A cure would give me, what, five years? And a cure is very likely to kill me, so the risk isn't worth it, not at this point. At some point you have to cut your losses."
It wasn't like him to give into hopelessness. "Even if you can't get a cure, that doesn't mean you have to go! I love you!" she snapped out, her anger robbing the words of the customary gentleness they evoked.
He took another deep breath. "Ran, I'm about to hit puberty again, and I'm not looking forward to it. For the next five years, I'm going to be dealing with a bunch of hormonal issues, and being around you is not going to help." He gestured contemptuously to his slight frame.
Ran scowled at the insult. "If you're implying that I would make fun of you, or do anything less than be completely supportive-"
"That's the problem," he said softly. "I know you, and I know me, and I don't want things to get out of control. When my hormones kick in, I'll want you like a man, but I won't be one. No matter how good my - our - control is, there's a large chance that we'll... well, you're not the only one frustrated at our situation. I'll do - we'll do - something which isn't right. I won't lay that burden on you. I don't want anyone to accuse you of being a child molester."
It sounded so filthy when he phrased it like that. She hadn't thought of that, of what could happen if they gave into impulses... she didn't see a child, she saw Shinichi. She saw the man she loved, trapped in a form that wasn't his.
"I promise I can wait," Ran said, not hiding her desperation and fear. "Just please, please, please don't leave me." She didn't want to go through the loneliness of not having him by her side. She couldn't live like that again, since so much of who she was had been created by their relationship.
He lifted a hand to brush away a strand of stray hair from her eyes. "Ran, you need to let me go."
She shook her head, trying to deny the truth he was setting before her. "Shinichi..." she whispered, catching his hand - so achingly small and delicate compared to her grown one - in her own, pressing it against her cheek. She stared into those unshielded blue eyes, and leaned forward to press a chaste kiss on his lips.
He pulled away before she could. "Ran, don't," he said, and pushed the chair away so he could rise to his feet. "I'm sorry," he apologized again, and she watched him leave, before allowing herself to collapse forward, landing on the floor as she buried her tearless face in her hands, wondering what she was going to do. In the end, she did what any young woman in crisis would do - she went to her mother.
Kisaki Eri had moved back in with Mouri Kogorou three years before, and that experience only seemed to lengthen her patience. She listened as Ran explained what was happening, and let her daughter yell about Shinichi's idiocy, and her anger that he was going to leave her. Finally she broke down in a crying jag, leaving her face unattractively blotchy.
Eri just held her, letting Ran cry herself out before speaking. "Ran, you know what they say. If you love something, set it free. If it's love is true, it will come back to you."
"So you're saying I should let him go?" Ran asked dully. She had fought for so long to keep Shinichi in her life, and now she was being asked to just... let him leave. Without protest.
"I'm saying he's letting you go. It's your choice if you want to go back to him," Eri said. "Practically speaking, you can't be together right now, but that doesn't mean you can't find him when he's a little older. That's if you still want him - there's other men out there who can make you happy. Ones less stubborn than Kudo-kun."
"If he thinks I'm going to just let him decide for us-" Ran said, feeling a trace of her customary spirit stirring. She hugged her mother for the sound advice, and took a hurried leave. If she moved quickly enough, there was a good chance she could catch him before the Kudos left town.
She found them in the final stages of packing. The house was being shut up, she noticed, but the chairs were carefully covered with sheets, a hint that someday, they would return. She tried to keep that from getting her hopes up, but that trace of damnable optimism latched onto that small sign.
"Ah, Ran-chan!" Yukiko said, and a happy smile came to her lips. "I'm so glad you dropped by!" Setting aside the newspaper she'd been wrapping assorted glass items in, she caught Ran in a tight embrace. "I'm so happy to see you," she whispered in Ran's ear, before pulling back.
Yuusaku, who had let her in, had been less effusive in his greetings. He had merely nodded his head, like he'd been expecting to see her before quietly directing her to the study. Yukiko's warmth was a pleasant contrast.
"I was hoping you might agree to keep an eye on the place," Yukiko continued in a brisk voice. "Stop in, check to make sure no one's broken in, throw a few parties for your friends so it doesn't feel disused..." She dug in her pockets, before pulling out a Yaiba key chain with a single gold key attached.
Ran smiled at Yukiko's playfulness. "Sure," she agreed, claiming the keys and tucking them into her purse. "I might even dust it now and then."
Yukiko laughed and waved a hand dismissively. "Don't worry about that, a little dust never hurt anyone. Please feel free to stop in any time, especially if you just want someplace where you can be alone."
It was a generous offer. For a student, quiet space was priceless, and living with Mouri Kogorou and Kisaki Eri rarely offered that. Life was interesting, but not tranquil. "Thanks, Yukiko-obaasan," she said. Then she couldn't contain her impatience anymore. "Is Shinichi around?"
The smile on Yukiko's lips faded, but didn't vanish entirely. "He's up in his room getting ready to leave." The pause in the air was heavy, and Ran knew she wasn't going to like what the older woman said next. "I always thought you were going to be my daughter-in-law," Yukiko confessed, and then she broke, tears running down her lovely cheeks.
"Please don't cry," Ran said, wrapping Yukiko in another hug, rubbing her back soothingly. Unfortunately, her words had the opposite effect, causing Yukiko to just sob louder.
Ran had already cried herself out, or else she would have likely melted down as well. Now anger was starting to take the place of her loneliness, and she wasn't going to take the situation lying down. She was a fighter, and she wouldn't accept defeat.
Yukiko gathered herself more quickly than Ran anticipated, giving Ran another tight hug of gratitude before using her left hand to brush her tears away. "It's going to be so hard for him," Yukiko said, and her voice cracked. "I've never seen him so hopeless. Shin-chan always just bounces back, or finds some other way to a solution, but he just can't this time, and I don't know how he'll cope. I don't know how we'll cope." Her eyes threatened to spill again, but she snuffled, trying to regain her composure.
Ran would have had to have a hard heart to not to be moved by the older woman's obvious turmoil. How hard it hard to be, to see your child suffer and not be able to do anything about it. "He'll survive," Ran told her. "If there's one thing Shinichi is, it's a survivor."
Yukiko agreed, but her words sounded flat. "He is, isn't he? You should go talk to him and say good bye," she said. "We're leaving to catch our plane in about an hour, so you'll have to be quick."
Ran's own words rung mockingly through her mind as she mounted the stairs that would take her to his room. Shinichi might have the gods' own luck when it came to surviving, but she wasn't sure about herself. Her anger had been partially dispelled by Yukiko's obvious pain, which had probably been Yusaku's intent. She could talk to Shinichi now without yelling - well, she could start a conversation without yelling. Knowing him, she'd be furious again within minutes. He was such an idiot.
His door was open, and she could see him sitting on a chair already covered with a sheet in his favorite thinking posture. She didn't know if the Kudos were keeping the residence, since they could be having movers come in later, but the dust cloths were a good indicator that they would return someday. He had taught her to think of those kinds of little details. He had taught her a lot.
When he had first turned into Conan, he had been forced to leave all his belongings behind. Occasionally she would sneak over to his house and sit in his room, pretending that he had just stepped outside to fetch them some snacks. Now that fantasy was lost to her, since most of his personal belongings had been packed away, leaving the room spartan. It really hit her then. He was going away forever.
She must have made some noise, because he started, swinging his startled gaze toward her a millisecond later. "Ran?" he said.
"You know, it's rude to just leave in the middle of a conversation," she said, crossing her arms over her breasts.
"What else is there to say?" He hung his head, and she could see the weariness in the set of his shoulders. He looked even younger than the twelve he was able to claim as Conan.
"Shinichi, you just can't walk out of my life and expect me to let you go without a fight! I can't say goodbye to everything we had so easily!" She was yelling, not caring if they were overheard by their parents.
"I've got to say goodbye to Shinichi, too," he snapped in frustration. His hands balled into fists at his sides. "I have to admit that I will never be that person again! Do you think this is easy?"
"I know, I know..." she said. "I realize you're doing what you think you have to, but I'd like it if you didn't make up my mind for me."
His glare faded. "Ran?"
"I won't wait for you. I'll try to move on, but if it doesn't work, I want you to be willing to at least give us a chance," she said firmly. "A fair chance."
He blinked, trying to understand what she meant. "Ran, we can't-"
"Just because we can't be together now doesn't mean there's not the future," she said. "If we really love each other, it would be ridiculous to stay apart because of a difference in age. I don't want you to promise anything except that you're willing to keep your mind open to the possibility. If all else fails, I still want you as my friend."
He nodded slowly, and she tried to keep that from making her excited, but Ran knew what she had accomplished. She had won a battle with the world's most stubborn detective.
"Thank you," she said, and went to him for an embrace. There was nothing romantic in her touch, just gratitude and caring.
He didn't pull away, but there was no visible reaction to her touch. She wished he would hug her back, at least for this goodbye, but he didn't. A bit annoyed - and not willing to admit her fear that he was already shutting her away - she shifted so she could look at his beloved face. She stared down, stunned into silence when she saw the glistening sheen of tears on his round, childish cheeks.
She had never seen him cry before.
"It'll be okay," she promised, and her words opened the floodgates. "There's only one truth, and that is that things will work out in the end. If we believe that, we still have hope."
He started to shake from grief, his sobs silent but raking his entire body. He had never let her see his sorrow and pain like that, but now she held him, letting him grieve for the life he should have had. This she could do; she could be the support he needed at this moment, even if he refused it in the future.
It would be another three years before they saw each other in person again.