Paved with Good Intentions (PoT, R, 14/?)

[aishuu]

Paved with Good Intentions
by surefall and aishuu
Disclaimer: Based on Prince of Tennis, by Konomi.
Notes: Crack fic at its most devilish. Let's take the horrid cliche of making the boys angels and devils and pump it full of semi-plotful sugar. Stir well.
Part 14 Summary: In which a career change causes wide-spread consternation.
First parts at quillofferings



Heaven (and Hell, really) was a bureaucracy. This meant there was paperwork of all kinds and everyone had an office and a desk from which to fill out those forms in triplicate. A dutiful angel (and all angels were dutiful) filled out his forms in a timely manner and had plenty of time afterward to engage in his other divine duties. Tezuka was no exception to this rule (the exception to the rule had the office that was Bouncing at the moment) and so he sat at his desk and filled out his paperwork.

Which brings us to the matter of Tezuka's office. If Sengoku's was a magpie's nest and Atobe's an altar to his vanity, Tezuka's office lacked all personality whatsoever. It was devoid of knickknacks and opulence. The walls were white, the ceiling had office fluorescent paneling, the carpet was industrial grade and colored steel blue. The desk was the plainest mahogany imaginable and the only thing on it was an stand for an ink pen and a black, cordless telephone. A gray file cabinet stood lonely in a corner while a small, round, white clock ticked on the wall. The only bookshelf in the room was behind him and it was mostly empty (Tezuka had everything of importance memorized). Even Tezuka's chair was a plain, cushioned, blue computer chair on rollers. There were no extra chairs ... Tezuka did not have visitors. Not a spot of leather to be seen, not a drop of gold, not a single hint that this was the office of an archangel. It was immaculate, but empty of life.

The knock that sounded on the door probably surprised him, since his secretary Momoshiro had long since been trained to keep visitors away while he was working. Then again, it was Tezuka, and very little surprised him.

Tezuka didn't even glance up from his work. Either they were persistent or they were too high up to deny. "Come in."

Momoshiro opened the door, coming in slowly. His face was absolutely white, and his eyes were large as saucers. "Tezuka-san..." he said, then shook his head. "There's... Well..." He seemed to be suffering a shock large enough to affect his speaking facilities.

Tezuka blinked once slowly, "There's .... ?"

"I think he was trying to announce me, Tezuka," a smooth, impossible voice said from the door.

Tezuka suffered a momentary thought that he was hearing things. Had someone stuck a microphone into the vents again? "Then come in." Best to have this voice confirmed.

In walked Fuji Syuusuke, the devil himself. He was wearing white today, perhaps in honor of his visit to heaven... but the devil shouldn't have been able to visit heaven in the first place. "Hello, Tezuka," he said sweetly. "Thanks, Momoshiro-kun." He gave the assistant angel a smile...

Which made Momoshiro shudder. "Um, I'll just go back to my desk, okay? Okay!" Momoshiro answered himself, darting for the door and getting out of the line of fire. The door "clicked" shut behind him, leaving the two alone.

Tezuka very carefully set his pen down and pulled his glasses off his nose, lifting a handkerchief from his pocket to polish them. His glasses were surely trying to play tricks on him. Satisfied with their clarity, he resettled them on his nose. Alas, the vision didn't change. He gathered he would be forced to acknowledge it, "Fuji. How and why are you here?"

"Because I love you and want to share my life with you," Fuji announced. The smile that lit his face was full of pure joy.

Tezuka didn't believe that for a minute. "Why are you really here?"

"I just told you," Fuji said. He sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "My recent vacation has given me time to reflect, and I decided that as much fun as it is to play with mortals, I'd rather have you. I mean, sex is fun, but it's empty without love," Fuji stated softly.

"I acknowledge your arrival is a very clever strategy in our private war, but do not bother to pretend it is the only reason you are here."

"I guess I have to show you my sincerity," Fuji said thoughtfully. Glancing around, he moved into the center of the room... and then spread his wings.

His wings were a glorious white, shining forth an aura so powerful that it made Tezuka's eyes hurt. The cascade of feathers all seemed tipped in silver, and the beautiful light that came off of them was reassuring, rather than frightening. It was an angel's aura; there was no way Fuji could have manufactured it.

There was a very long silence as Tezuka's gaze traced along the curve of angelic wings. "So what made you suddenly decide to Rise?" Obviously something had made the self-serving Fuji the Devil decide to run like crazy and Tezuka was neither vain enough to believe it was himself or trusting enough to believe that Fuji actually loved him. So something must be up on Earth.

"It's been in the works for a while." Fuji shrugged. "Now that I know where Yuuta is, I figured it would be the best to finally admit how you made me feel." The wings slowly receded, and Fuji walked around the desk to sit on Tezuka's lap.

Tezuka pushed away from the desk and stood, fully intending to dump Fuji onto the floor.

"Kiss me," Fuji said softly, clinging to him like a limpet.

"No." Since all Fuji seemed to be interested in was seducing him, it was time to get away from Fuji. Tezuka made his way to the door, habit keeping him from never quite turning his back on the other angel.

"Tezuka... if I'm rejected, that might cause me to Fall again... and if you think a woman scorned is bad, you haven't seen how the devil himself reacts to it..."

Tezuka felt his fists clench and forced them to relax. "An angel and someone who loves me decides to threaten me. It is no wonder I doubt the veracity of your claims."

"It's not a threat... merely a statement of my devotion," said Fuji. He leaned back on Tezuka's chair, idly rotating back and forth.

Tezuka told himself he should remain calm. Completely and utterly calm. Angels being unable to lie or not, they could still bend the truth ... and no doubt Fuji would bend truth like the best of them. "Then go on back to hell, Fuji. I officially reject you."

And that was a gamble. A risky gamble, yes, since if Fuji told the exact truth, life was going to get complicated ... but if he hadn't, then Fuji was in heaven for the sake of personal convenience and Tezuka was merely the icing on his personal little cake.

Fuji smiled slightly. "A curse from an angel is a serious thing... almost as bad as a curse from a devil. I suppose you would know that..."

Tezuka shrugged, "Just because I promised I would not be with anyone except you did not mean I would ever be with you, either."

Fuji raised an eyebrow. "You have a will of iron-"

"The job requires nothing less."

"-and no hormones," Fuji continued blithely, ignoring Tezuka's comment.

Tezuka shrugged again and once more moved to the door. He just wasn't stupid, and he was sure that Fuji wasn't going to stick around anyway (Fuji's heavenly record of loyalty toward God was about as spotty as a leopard skin rug). No point getting involved with someone who was going to leave you anyway.

Fuji's smirk widened just a bit as he left the chair to come next to Tezuka. He laced his arm through the archangel's, his face gentle and friendly. "I haven't been here in a while, not since Lucifer dragged me down with him. How about you give me a tour?" His body language was possessive and it was clear he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

Tezuka tried to jerk his arm away. "Nothing changed. Let go."

"Never. I came here for you, and you're not getting rid of me that easily." Fuji's hand tightened like a pair of manacles.

"Fine. Whatever. Let go. I have paperwork to finish."

"I'll help," Fuji said. "I'm going to be right by your side from now on."

"I do not need your help," was the flat reply as Tezuka finally managed to pull away so he could retreat to his desk. He picked up the pen with grim determination and pulled the paper close to him, fully intending to ignore Fuji from now until eternity if that was what was necessary. Too bad the entire incident was giving him a migraine ... though that did give him a perfectly good excuse to go to Earth, and drag Fuji right back into the thick of whatever it was he was running from.

Something was... different... about hell. Niou couldn't quite put his finger on what it was, but he could feel an undercurrent of change, much like static electricity. His hair was standing on end, and Karupin, the three-headed guardian cat, was out of sorts which was not a good sign.

Whatever-it-was was also making Yagyuu feel ... skittish, like he should be looking over his shoulder for someone or hiding from something. Though why a devil should hide from anything except The Devil was something he couldn't understand ...

The two were lounging in their own little corner of hell, naked as the day they were created. Niou was wound up, and even their usual great sex hadn't been able to soothe him. Niou felt tense, like a rubberband was about to snap. Abandoning his partner, he rose to his feet to begin pacing the room. It took him eight and a half steps each time, as he crossed back and forth.

Yagyuu sat up to watch him, snagging his glasses from where they had been discarded and settling them back on his nose. 459 steps (or 54 rounds) later he finally asked, "What is that? And where's Fuji? He should be here." Without realizing it, Yagyuu had hit the nail right on its proverbial head and smashed that nail right up the arse of a bit of wood.

"Fuck..." Niou said, suddenly realizing exactly what was missing. All the minions of Hell had a minor link to the Devil, mainly so Fuji could keep track of them.

The link was missing.

Yagyuu cocked his head, hoping Niou would elaborate on his statement of fucking.

"Reach out with your power," Niou prompted.

Yagyuu did as his lover suggested, reaching out, for what he didn't know ... only to find that something was missing that should have been there. "Shit."

It wasn't any wonder they didn't notice immediately. For Niou, who'd always been among the evil, the link was as much a part of him as his hair. While its absence was notable, it wasn't painful. "There's no Lord of Hell right now..." Niou whispered, his eyes widening as he realized exactly what that meant.

" ... which means there's an opening for a new Lord of Hell," Yagyuu murmured, his attention focusing immediately on Niou, who was admittedly one of the three directly in line for the position should it have become available (as it apparently just had). He paused though and snickered a little to himself. Okay, so he couldn't actually see Niou as Lord of Hell.

"Oh, no," Niou said, holding his hands out in front of him protectively. "I am not fighting Inui and Dan for it..." He was pretty sure he was stronger than Inui, but he didn't want to underestimate Dan. The pseudo-innocent was older than dirt.

Yagyuu smirked a little. "I thought not. We can see who comes out on top first."

Niou smiled slyly. "If it's someone who won't let me do what I want, maybe then we'll talk about Lord Niou."

"It has a nice ring to it .... Lord Niou," Yagyuu rolled the title on his tongue, letting a purr slip in.

Niou chuckled, but it died abruptly. "What do you think happened to Fuji? It's quite possible he's hiding, waiting for us to kill each other..."

Yagyuu thought about it for a long moment. "If he was dead, we would have felt that, right?"

"… how would I know? Dan is the only devil old enough to remember Satan's death..."

"Perhaps we should ask him ... since it would be in our self interest to form at least a temporary alliance."

Niou was having a very hard time picturing Dan as the new Big Bad. "You think he's going to win?"

"Not necessarily, but the two of you are more than enough to remove Inui from the running at least."

"Point." Niou waved a hand, and his clothing whipped off the floor and onto his body. "Get dressed, we'll find him."

An equivalent hand wave sucked Yagyuu's clothes off the floor and onto his body as well while he clambered out of bed to join his lover. "Where to first?"

"Where else... the playground."

It was a matter of thought for the two of them to shift from their corner of hell to Dan's, which was in the form of an extended playground plus sandbox. Red jungle gym bars twisted about, a sure torture chamber for those not familiar with their interior. Sand awaited every opportunity to creep into clothing and shoes to itch skin. It was evil and innocent all at once.

It wasn't too hard to find Dan, either. He was sitting in the sand, rolling a ball back and forth with Jin, who apparently had finally made it back down to hell. Not that Jin was actually rolling anything so much as kicking it in a sullen manner while growling at the chibi demon and puffing determinedly on his cigar.

Niou knew exactly what he had to do. Timing his movement perfectly, he snatched the ball right as it left Dan's hands, kicking sand in both of the others' faces in the process.

Dan flailed with a squawk of outrage, bouncing to his feet and flailing some more at Niou. "You give that back! It's mine!"

Jin calmly reached up and brushed sand off himself before moving forward to beat the other demon to a pulp, fists clenched up in preparation for a knock down, drag out fight -- before Yagyuu got in his way.

Niou's lips quirked as he stared down at the smallest devil. "I need your undivided attention," he purred, rolling the ball back and forth over his hand in a deft display of ability. Balancing it on his fingertips, he produced claws on the other hand to threaten the ball's spherical integrity.

Dan's eyes wobbled dangerously with tears as he snuffled, "What do you want, desu?"

"Have you noticed anything... odd?"

Dan snuffled some more on principle, looking woefully pathetic, before answering, "You mean Fuji being gone?"

"That would qualify."

"What about it?"

Niou sometimes wondered exactly how Dan had managed to survive as long as he had. "Oh, nothing in particular, except the fact there's currently no Lord of Hell and a massive power struggle is about to take place?"

Dan gave Niou his most innocent look. "Of course there's a Lord of Hell, Niou-kun ... he just hasn't decided to come down yet."

"You can't mean Ryoma or Kirihara," Niou said in horror.

Dan grinned with glee. "Don't be silly ... of course it's not Ryoma-kun."

Niou felt his stomach drop. "Kirihara..." he hissed. "How in Hell did he manage to swing that?" Niou knew Fuji had been keeping an eye on the promising upstart, but for him to leap three rungs up in the hellish hierarchy was unprecedented.

Dan giggled and spun around like a little boy for whom Christmas had come early. "Well ... he was Lord of Hell before he kicked the bucket. So it's only natural he should be in line for ascension when he's been reborn." A little titch like Dan should not be allowed to smirk that much.

Niou looked at Yagyuu, hoping that his smarter half would be able to figure what In Hell was Going on With Hell.

Yagyuu backed up a step from Jin (so any deviation of his attention from the overly muscled devil opposite him wouldn't result in an immediate ass kicking) before asking slowly, "Are you saying that Kirihara was Lucifer or Satan?" There were only two previous Lords of Hell, though either of them would be Bad News if they happened to reappear in any incarnation. Personally, Yagyuu couldn't blame Fuji for running scared if that was the case.

Dan beamed at Yagyuu as though he were a prime student. "Yep!"

Yagyuu shuddered. "Which one?"

A childish giggle. "Satan-kun!"

"Yagyuu? How's heaven this time of year?" Niou asked, feeling a wave of utter terror wash through him. Kirihara was rather crazy to start with, and if it turned out he had the power of Satan behind him...

Yagyuu moved closer to Niou, as if seeking a feeling of comfort next to his closest ally in hell. "I hear it's quite bright and sparkling. Perfect for vacationing."

Dan pouted at them. "Cowards."

"Damn right," Niou said. "If Satan is about to reappear, I'm thinking a few rays of heavenly light don't sound that bad. Do they serve pina coladas?"

"As long as you don't intend to get drunk," Yagyuu replied, looking a touch amused. "But how do you intend to get there? You were never very good at being good." Not that this bothered Yagyuu, mind you, he liked Niou when he was being bad.

"I was very good at my work. I think I'll talk to Yukimura about investigating a possible career shift," he mused, wrapping an arm around Yagyuu's shoulders. "We can discuss it for a century or so before we need to commit."

"Mmmmm, yes. No need to be hasty about the decision, after all."

Dan pouted and lunged for his ball. "Fence sitters."

Niou gave a pointed glance at the company Dan was keeping.

Jin flipped Niou the bird in return. Dan just smirked back at Niou. "You'll see. They never like fence sitters if they're in the middle of a war."

"Don't care if they like us. As long as we survive, what's a little cowardice between friends?" Niou asked. "Besides... where's Fuji right now?"

Dan nodded at Niou's point. Who did care as long as you survived? "In heaven. He ran pretty fast too."

"We always knew he was a smart one," Niou said. "You interested in coming?"

Dan shook his head and smiled brightly in Niou's direction. "No. I have a job I have to do here."

"It was nice knowing you." Niou said. "Well, not really, but..." he shrugged. He wasn't crazy enough to offer help, especially with no foreseeable profit in it. Fuji had been a handful, but all reports said that Satan had been just plain bad. There was no way Niou was going to be in the same dimension when Kirihara finally returned.

"Have fun, Niou-kun, Yagyuu-kun. Don't get into trouble." Dan waved and the ball snapped out of Niou's hands and spun back into Dan's. Personally, he was looking forward to the arrival of Kirihara with great anticipation. It was about time one of the real Lords of Hell appeared. Now they could finally have a real divine war.

There's times when the "Oh SHIT!" meter starts flashing bright red and orange as things go down the crapper. This was one of them.

Atobe was smart - despite his ego, he was efficient at his job and tended to recognized when problems needed to be dealt with directly, rather than by one of his many minions. So when his priceless diamond chandelier fell off the ceiling almost onto his head, he had decided that enough was enough and he was going to get involved. He knew exactly who was at fault.

Materializing on Earth, he sniffed in disdain as a pimply co-ed stared at him. Really, couldn't Sengoku have chosen a college with prettier girls? Or at least ones who didn't look like they were the "before" picture in an Oxy ad?

Sengoku paused in mid-snap of fingers, having fully prepared to cause a wind to come up near the girl's skirt. He smiled ever so brightly at Atobe, as if he hadn't been thinking of mischief at all. "Hello, messenger boy!"

Atobe did not twitch this time. He was too concerned to react with any of his usual annoyance. "Sengoku, what is going on?" he demanded, his arms crossed over his chest as his fingers drummed impatiently against his perfect chin.

A flame puffed between Sengoku's fingers before he waved his hand absently to put it out. "Going on? Is anything going on?"

"Sengoku, there was an heavenquake. I'll say something is going on," he said, a slight scowl marring his face.

Sengoku sighed, looking perhaps a fraction ... stressed. Except it boggled the mind why a do-nothing-except-loaf-angel would look stressed. "Well, that would be caused by the beginnings of a critical imbalance in The Balance."

Atobe grabbed Sengoku's collar with both hands. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything. Fuji is the one who left Hell."

It took a second for that one to process. "Excuse me? You're saying Hell is currently without a lord?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much what I said."

The fabric in Atobe's hands slipped free as he stared at Sengoku for a second. "Then how come I see an aura of chaos around you?" It was true - small wisps of gray smoke appeared in Atobe's sight. It was a gift of his, an uncanny ability to perceive the state of other's minds and auras.

Sengoku shrugged, reaching up to straighten his shirt from where Atobe had yanked it out of place, "Someone is going to have to take Fuji's place. The list of possible candidates is kinda small, yanno."

Atobe checked his own aura, and was relieved to see it was just as shiny as ever. "I'm not one, so why are you?" he asked suspiciously.

"Hello? Screwing the enemy? Doesn't that count as making you almost qualified for Hell?" It wasn't the exact truth, mind you, but it sounded highly probable.

"It should have qualified you already," Atobe said. "So... where did Fuji get to? And why?"

Sengoku tipped himself backward to look at the clouds, as if to discern hidden meaning from their puffy whiteness. "I'd say he's with Tezuka right now ... how else could he Rise without shamelessly exploiting the love clause?"

Atobe knew that angelicide was a sin, so he refrained from strangling Sengoku only by sheer force of will. "Sengoku... why?" He had the feeling Sengoku would know. Recently he'd been made more aware that Sengoku tended to know everything as it happened, something which Atobe disliked.

Sengoku was silent for a long moment before he sighed and dropped his head to focus on Atobe. "You realize that the more you know, the more of a target you make yourself, right?"

"I'm an archangel. I think I'm already on the top ten list," Atobe said with impatience. "Spill."

"Satan figured himself out."

"Huh?"

"Kirihara. Realized. He. Was. Satan." Sengoku said this very slowly, as though Atobe was a newborn angel ... or just a really stupid one.

Atobe took a deep breath, and could only think of one thing to say. "Shit."

"Yes."

Atobe's mind whipped through the possibilities and only came to one conclusion. "You need to kill Kirihara, now," he said.

Sengoku's reply was a "No" of the flattest kind.

"Yes, you will. He's going insane," said Atobe. "He's not going to let any of us near enough to kill him but you."

"How about you actually try that theory first?" Sengoku's smile was almost malicious, which caused it to promptly catch fire. He beat the flames out with something resembling extreme annoyance.

Atobe stepped back slowly, his eyes fastened on Sengoku with extreme worry. "You're going insane..."

Sengoku sighed, "No ... just under pressure. I happen to combust under pressure."

It was a sign of how serious Sengoku was that Atobe didn't snipe at him for his weakness. Instead, Atobe grabbed Sengoku's arm (which felt much hotter than it should have), and teleported the both of them to Atobe's office.

Jackal had just finished clearing the chandelier, and he looked up at his boss's arrive with tired eyes. "Can I get you anything?"

"A jug of ice water and two glasses," Atobe commanded.

Jackal didn't (quite) sigh, but his expression was put-upon as he left the room to fill the order.

Sengoku blinked at the other archangel, more than a little startled. "God'll have words over you teleporting like that." It was mild enough statement, though, said in an exceptionally mild manner ... more something to say than anything else.

"That's the pot speaking," Atobe murmured as he let Sengoku go and came around to take a place at his desk.

"It is!" Sengoku grinned and decided to plunk himself down in one of the chairs opposite Atobe's desk. Ah, so decadent and plushy ...

Atobe rested his elbows on his desk, propping his hand up on his chin as he studied Sengoku. "There's only so many balls you can keep in the air," he said finally.

Sengoku made a face at him. "To which specific balls are you referring?" Here, in the pure marvel of Atobe's office, the flames had decided that they were too passe, and were manifesting as little lightning crackles instead, dancing down the side of an arm or leg.

"You may not like me much, but I have a pretty good idea of what you're up to." Atobe tossed his hair back, and suddenly he didn't seem so silly. His eyes grew stern and a glint of the power he commanded sparked in his eyes. "Sengoku, the house of cards you built is about to come down."

"Down in the hellish sense, unfortunately."

Atobe shut his eyes, rubbing his fingers against the bridge of his nose. He really didn't want to suggest this, but.... "Maybe it would be better if you went down there."

"If I go down there, there will be a war ... if only because there will be quite a number of witnesses who will need to be eliminated before things can return to the status quo."

The possibilities were shrinking by the minute. "What do you want to do?"

"Wait, for now. Kirihara would be a good Lord of Hell if we can keep him from walking the old path." A thoughtful look took up residence on Sengoku's face, along with a collection of firefly sparkles, which spun around his head briefly before combusting out of existence.

Atobe shook his head. "Kirihara will never be the Lord of Hell again."

"Why not?"

Atobe's eyes grew slightly distant and he could see the image in front of him, as clearly as an image on a television screen. "Because he's going to die again."

A soft sigh and a shrug was Sengoku's only outward response. "Ah well ... I had hoped not. Thanks for the water, Atobe!" Which still hadn't made its appearance, but it was the thought that counted. Sengoku bounced to his feet and waved, leaving a charred outline behind in his chair.

Just then, the door opened and Jackal appeared, bearing the water he had been sent for. Atobe, absolutely disgusted, stalked over to grab the pitcher, and dumped it all over the chair to put out the few stray embers that threatened the rest of his furnishings. "Be so kind as to clean that up," he ordered, ignoring the put-upon look Jackal wore on his dark features.

"Trouble not the help, dearest associate. I can clean up my own messes," Sengoku blathered on his way to the door, waving a hand to restore the sorry state of Atobe's furniture to its original decadent delight. Then he was out the door and making a beeline to Earth, before Atobe happened to realize that the power surges he was experiencing at the moment had just multiplied the one chair to ten. Whoops! Surely, Kirihara had to be safer at the moment!