Aw, you have so many good things happening in this story. James picking out leaves for her. Lily with a cold (I had a cold for Prom and I remember being quite bummed out about it) James falling and hurting himself. Poppy's waiting room. Accidental magic. *happy sigh* What a wonderful imagination you have.
The only thing I would suggest changing is having James pick the leaves for her and carrying them, rather than sticking them in her headband. Trying to walk and have that happen seems awkward. I would have James holding them up to her hair (so he can comment about the colors) and then continue to forage for them. Then Lily could ask what they are for - and they could talk about a headress, etc.. .
She could take the leaves from him after he hurts himself, so the accidental magic part could still be in your story. Looove that part - esp. since it highlights the positives of James's accident and reminds us of Harry who also suffered from accidental magic as a child.
Thank you for being so brave. The first post is always the hardest - so keep writing!
Oops, I almost forgot - you have some lovely descriptions I really felt I was there with them. A minor Brit-pick. They use Autumn - not Fall.
The leaves in the headband was a self-insert here. :P I can see where it comes as more than a little difficult! I don't know if walking was the most precise word for their speed--meandering might be a bit better.
Thanks for all the compliments, I love sharing and though this was completely un-edited or rewritten, I was happy with it.
The only thing I would suggest changing is having James pick the leaves for her and carrying them, rather than sticking them in her headband. Trying to walk and have that happen seems awkward. I would have James holding them up to her hair (so he can comment about the colors) and then continue to forage for them. Then Lily could ask what they are for - and they could talk about a headress, etc.. .
She could take the leaves from him after he hurts himself, so the accidental magic part could still be in your story. Looove that part - esp. since it highlights the positives of James's accident and reminds us of Harry who also suffered from accidental magic as a child.
Thank you for being so brave. The first post is always the hardest - so keep writing!
Oops, I almost forgot - you have some lovely descriptions I really felt I was there with them. A minor Brit-pick. They use Autumn - not Fall.
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Thanks for all the compliments, I love sharing and though this was completely un-edited or rewritten, I was happy with it.
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